We had to move my 86 year old Mother-in-Law in with us a week ago. She is from Florida and we had to move her to another state. She has always been a very strong and independent woman and I know this move has been very difficult for her. Below are my immediate issues:
1. She asks my husband or I almost every day if she is staying with us forever as she doesn't seem to remember us telling her already many times. She gets upset every time we tell her as she "hates this state".
2. I am not sure how to explain to her why we had to move her up here. If I even mention her memory loss issues she gets mad at me. I am just not sure what to tell her without upsetting her. She gets confused very easily and when that happens she shakes her head and says "God please just take me". She is always wishing she would just die.
3. She is not doing well with her finances; she hoards her checkbooks in her very stuffed belly bag. I'm not trying to take the finances away from her completely I just want her to be willing to let my husband help her with them. She has accounts in three different banks. She can't even remember that Wells Fargo took over Wachovia ages ago and still has a Wachovia checkbook and keeps says I don't have a Wells Fargo account.
I have no idea what I am doing and trying to learn as I go. My husband, although a wonderful and loving man, has less of a clue than I do and most of the emotional care is on me. He is great with the medical and physical care.
I agree with virtualhorizon that putting off the financial issues until she is more settled and comfortable might be best (unless there is a financial crisis brewing, of course.) Who has DPOA?
On your other issues:
1) Asking the same question repeatedly is common. Forgetting the answer is common. Try (by trial and error) to come up with an answer that is not so upsetting to her. "Who knows about forever, Mom? But for right now we are so glad to have you staying with us! We've missed you when we were so far apart."
2) This, unfortunately, is not unusual, either. "Mom, we've missed you so much and it is so good to have you here. As you get older we thought you might need a little help. We wanted you here while you are still so healthy, to get used to the place and for us to get to know how you do things while you are healthy so we can take better care of you if you get sick.
Soften the truth so it is easier for her to accept. This is a skill you'll use again and again in dealing with her dementia in the years ahead.
Good luck. And don't worry, you'll get more comfortable with the caregiver role as time passes.