December Stress...

I DO NOT wish to even think about it yet. At the first mention, DH banned the topic from his presence. Am I alone in this?

Used to love the celebrations, festive feel, carols in shops.

My xmas spirit has drained away & left a hole.

Coping or crumbling? Probably crumbling. My first thought when I think of Christmas is that I could never, ever make my mother happy at Christmas. She was always so angry/upset and we never knew why so I assumed it must be my fault. Any way I slice it, there is family dysfunction. Abuse/mistreatment that dates back to childhood, eldercare decisions that others didn't like but I was the only one to jump in and make the choices, perceived privilege for some in the family where others are just so certain they have been shortchanged by the world and they aren't shy about discussing it. Stressors on top of stressors to the point where I am losing my mind and questioning my faith in general. Christmas 2020, most people were sad at not getting together where I viewed it as a welcome break from the December chaos of other years. Nope, not looking forward to it this year. I really feel like I just can't do it.

just sending hugs to us all.

courage.
wishing us an un-stressful oct/nov/december.

:)

Rolling and coping. Big, BIG family on my husbands side. Pretty wonderful folks, never demanding. Our 5 children have produced 12 grandchildren and 2 greatgrands. Pretty wonderful downline overall, even the teenagers. Rarely demanding.
My husband and I have had Christmas at our house for the last 23 years. There's quite a few dings & dents & chips. Honestly, there's more than a few.
This year will be the same.
But one day.........just the 2 of us on a secluded beach....naked.

Every year I have cut back on Christmas.

First thing was Christmas Cards. Stopped when Mom lived with me. Was going to send cards this year to tell everyone "I am still alive" but the cost of stamps went up so debating.

Used to do tons of cookies to give as gifts. Have cut down to you get your favorite thing and that is all I do.

Dinner, my daughter does that and I bring the sides.

Gifts, my grandson and adopted granddaughter who are 7 and 8 get gifts. We chose 5 years back to adopt a family and what we would spend on each other, we spend on them. The boy aged out so we will not be doing it this year. Maybe mail them some gift cards. I used to exchange with a SIL but last year we agreed to stop.

So this Christmas will be quiet and un-stressful. If what you do during the holidays brings on nothing but stress and becomes overwhelming, then stop doing it.

December??? I am still trying to figure out November! Can we have a safe Thanksgiving gathering with the maximum number of people attending? Will my mother consent to come since she doesn’t like to be driven by a large percentage of available family? Will there be a blizzard? Will traffic and roads be okay or impossible? No one expects my cooking to be like a Norman Rockwell painting, so if I produce a good turkey or two, they will volunteer to bring the rest.

Whew! Then we embark on the Christmas who-will-go-where, if anywhere, negotiations :-)

Usually by Nov 1st I am totally through shopping, have wrapped and mailed all gifts. Then I spend Dec doing service projects or whatever--but the last couple of years have sucked the joy out of the holidays completely.

Don't get me wrong, my family is GREAT. It's just that I took on too much and they allowed me to do it all for so many years. Last year was covid and a weird mix of 'yes we can hang out' and 'no we can't'. The year before I was battling cancer and yet still managed to do ALL THE THINGS. It was a good way to NOT think of how lousy I felt.

We are moving in the Spring (I hope, mixed feelings, but DH is retiring and I want a one level ranch house and no stairs!!) It will be the 'last' Thanksgiving and Christmas in what was our family home. 3/5 of our kids will be here and I am cutting waaaaay down on gifting, may not even put up a tree--don't know.

I remember when my Grandma stopped putting up her aluminum tree---I thought Christmas would end that year--but she was wise and never did more than she could do.

Family events got too big, messy and expensive and lost the magic. They also tend to collapse on themselves with the sheer weight of the # of people.

I will plan Thanksgiving with a LOT of help. Also Christmas brunch. I've already told my kids that the grands will get ONE gift and their usual stocking. They were all just fine with that. All our kids are better off financially than we are, so giving them something is just silly.

We don't do anything with DH's family. Again-too many people and also my MIL won't go anywhere I might be, so I simply don't go and then DH feels bad for leaving me home.

I KNOW that we do too much, in spite of trying to cut back. I'm already massively depressed and anxious and just am not the least excited for anything.

Didn't think I'd be such a Grinch at the tender age of 65---but come to think of it, mother hadn't hosted Thanksgiving since my OS got married. (almost 50 years).

And you know what? The world keeps on spinning! I don't HAVE to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas nights crying from sheer fatigue and depression.

I need to add that my DH's sister is a Christmas FREAK! She puts up 3 trees, buys massive amounts of gifts for her kids & grands and throws huge dinner parties, and she LOVES every second of it. Dh asks why I can't be like that. I told him one reason is that HER hubby is right there next to her, decorating and partying. DH sleeps until the guests arrive and then goes back to bed the second they are gone. Some years he'll remember to get me a gift, most years he doesn't. It HURTS and he doesn't get it.

Jan 1 can't come too fast for me.

At least you people down under don't have to cope with the possibility of driving through a blizzard in order to make it to Christmas dinner Beatty, I've lobbied for years for a family gathering in the summer instead of at Christmas without any success.

I guess I'm in the minority, but I really enjoy the holidays. Especially this year - it will be the very first year in our married life that my husband and I will be completely retired, so we will have time to do all of the holiday prep. And my husband is ready, willing and able to help me with all of it - if I had to do it on my own, I would do way less and stress way more.

Back when I worked full time and my kids were little, that was stressful. I would always take a week's vacation in December to be able to get everything done, and each day would be jam-packed with stress: 1 day for shopping, 1 day for decorating, 1 day for baking, and so forth. And I baked dozens and dozens of cookies, which I would bring to work to give away, or send to work with DH.

We have cut way back on our gifting - we haven't exchanged with my family in years, and several years ago stopped with DH's family, so it's just shopping for the 4 of us (plus the dog!!); we also get stuff for our 3 year old great-nephew, which I think is tremendously fun. I also cut way back on cookie baking.

Cooking large meals for people never bothered me. I love, love, love to cook - I find it very stress reducing - so I usually have some extended family at my house over the holidays. But I have a big kitchen with a double oven, plus an entire full kitchen in the apartment upstairs where my mom had lived, so oven space is never an issue.

What I hate doing is holiday cards. Last year, I did ours, and I also sent cards out to anyone who sent one to my mom, to let the sender know that mom had passed. I remembered my mom often commented when she stopped getting cards from friends after years of getting them wondering if something had happened, so I sent a brief note with one of the prayer cards from her funeral.

The one thing I am really looking forward to the most is going to the Christmas Eve service. I missed the last few, between not being able to leave my mom alone and Covid. It's going to be wonderful to get back.

I can see where the stress can be absolutely overwhelming, and then it makes the holidays a time of dread rather than celebration. Do what you think you can handle, and leave the rest; ignore the people that tell you what you "should" be doing for the holidays. Establish or re-establish your own set of traditions, ones that work for you and give you a sense of peace. No judgement from me!

(((hugs)))

I really wouldn't mind hosting and everything that goes with that but everybody says my home is too far off the beaten track, and the endless back and forth bickering about everything from the place and time to the menu has killed the joy for me. I grew up in a family that was if anything too much in each others pockets, but somehow my family has become one of those that never see each other and barely have anything to say when we do.

Christmas should be a joyful time for families to gather and enjoy each other, and celebrate the true meaning of it. But sadly it has become too commercialized and we seem to have lost what the true meaning really is. It's not about how many presents we can buy or how much money to spend, but instead is a time to reflect on the birth of our Lord and Savior, and to be with those we hold near and dear. And sometimes that isn't our God given family, but a family we have made with the wonderful people/friends that God has put in our path and that are more like family than the one we grew up with.
It doesn't matter who we spend the holidays with, it just matters that they are people that we want to spend time with.

And as for me, well I am a Christmas lover from way back when. I have one of my spare bedrooms decorated for Christmas that I leave up 365 days a year, and I just decorated the rest of my house on Saturday, Oct. 16th. There is just something about Christmas and all it entails, from the decorations, to the music, to the good food, that brings me such joy, and I don't know about you, but I can use all the joy I can get these days.
So please don't let Scrooge or the Grinch, and all the many worries of this life keep you from enjoying one of the most beautiful and magical times of the year.

My dad died on November 21, 2018 -- the day before Thanksgiving. We sort of had Thanksgiving as my ex-SIL sent over some food from her dinner, but that was it. Christmas came close on its heels, and we did the whole family thing while feeling absolutely dreadful. Dad's birthday was Dec. 20, too, so we did all the "first [fill in the blank] without Dad" in a month's time.

My mom died in July this year, and frankly, I don't have any interest in holidays at all. My husband's family is huge, loud and talks politics and conspiracy theories all the time, so I sure don't want to be with them, and my kids are all making noises about not wanting to travel to where we are, which is totally fine. I'm not keen on traveling to where they are (Colorado) in the dead of winter either, so frankly, I'd like to take a raincheck on all the holidays this year and just sit around the house staring at the walls.

The best Thanksgiving I ever had was about five years ago when I got a bad cold and had to bow out. I sat at home, watched old movies all day, and ate what I wanted while everyone else went to the relatives' house. It was great.

7 years ago my marriage ended. The first holiday season was hard, but then I decided I was nor free of all the seasonal expectations.

I refuse to feel obligated that I have to spend my time with anyone at all. Let me tell you life is much better.

Beatty you have more options that rolling with it or rolling into a ball. Give some thought to what you would like and go about making it happen.

Me, I am content with a good book, a charcuterie plate and a nice bottle of wine. I order the book ahead of time. I love Anne Perry's Christmas novellas. I make sure the wine is the right temperature and I have a lovely day.

One of my sons is often with me Christmas morning, but he knows he can go see his Dad and step Mum later in the day and I will not create any drama nor fuss.

My parents are the last people I want to see over the holidays. I have 50 years of bitter, snide, remarks and negativity out the wazoo, no more, I want a day of calm and peace.

While caring for my mother, I cut back on my "celebrations" and will not be scaling them back up again. My decorating will consist of my mother's ceramic tree, nativity scene, Santa in his sleigh, a snowman, and some static cling stuff on the windows. My brother and I will make some fudge in various flavors and a few cookies for distribution to the family and a few friends. I will host Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners for the neighbors with invites to people who don't have anyone to celebrate with: the older couple whose kids all live away and cannot travel well, the older man down the road that moved here from Alaska and his kids visited this summer, etc. My dinners are prepared 2-3 days before the meal (awesome broccoli casserole can be mixed and refrigerated, as can the homemade yeast rolls) so I only "cook" on the meal day. I only give gifts if you are still in school and I usually give something techie; this year is going to be amazon fire sticks. The kids will be through to eat leftovers at some point; with divorces, I do not expect to see them at my dinner nor do I try to schedule a meal they can attend. Some will show up at dinner time and the others will show up to consume their favorite leftover sometime later.

Cute Beatty!
Planning ahead can be helpful, so your post is appreciated.

I am living in October.

I am in the group with TNtechie and Tothill.

Not borrowing any trouble from tomorrow.

Hoping you can relax, and have some fun contemplating decorating, the meal, the guests, and the meaning of Christmas.

I see storm clouds on the horizon. Right now they appear smaller than they usually do. Right now the plans for Thanksgiving are to have lunch with my parents at their ALF. I will bring a gift basket for my parents. The day after Thanksgiving we will make our own small Thanksgiving dinner. It will just be me and my husband. Turkey enchiladas anyone? I made the sauce myself!
Christmas Eve: Spent with husband and son only. Menu not decided.
Christmas Day: Dinner spent at ALF with parents. We might eat the meal provided or I might bring a sandwich tray and fixings, cookies, cheese ball and crackers/ small veggie platter. Music will be Mitch Miller and the Gang! The Christmas gifts will be nicely wrapped. I planned all of this during the dog days of summer when I was repairing my Christmas Lights. Thanksgiving and Christmas cards already addressed and stamped. I was so down this summer.
I thought long and hard about what I want and this is it. Invisible family members not included. If oldies get grumpy we change subject or leave.

Christmas has been a big bust since my mom died. My family has never been all that close and we got together for the holidays for my mom. Since covid I haven't seen my family in almost two years and to be honest I'm happy about that. I wish them well and I would be there for them if they ever needed me in an emergency/health crisis. But I don't miss the stress of family get-togethers and if we have another covid shut-down this year at least I won't have to make an excuse why I can't be there.

I don't care for the Holidays, but I understand some do. They're just another day.

I killed time in the NH Christmas shopping online. I’ve done all my shopping except my husband. I usually buy him books. I like the holidays, but I can understand those who don’t. Our first Christmas with babies.

I’m actually really looking forward to the holidays this year. I need a little Christmas cheer, and nothing quite does it like seeing the faces of little ones on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning.

This has not been the best year. Not by far, but I still like to count my blessings. I just figure that no matter how bad I’ve got it, it’s better than a lot of other folks.

I’ve been kind of blah on Christmas for a long while now. I still shop, decorate, bake and cook, and attend Christmas events. So I don’t dread or hate it, I just don’t love it either. I think the switch was from seeing my children young and filled with anticipation and joy to losing my mom ( a true Christmas lover) and my children becoming teens always with some degree of disappointment over gifts. They’re all young adults now, and gratitude has definitely returned to their repertoire, thankfully, but I’m still rather blah on it all. January is always welcomed by me

Beatty, third option: own it and do what makes you happy.

We decided 20+ years ago to leave both our families have the holidays they wanted and we would go skiing.

Both our families wanted us every year and that was not possible. They live 9 hours apart and we owned a business that didn't leave us long vacations.

When they all ruined our 4 day weekend with their gripping and complaining that they didn't understand why we had to go visit others and only spend a couple hours with them, yada, yada, yada. We gave each of them our home address and said "you want our undivided attention, come visit us! Next year we are going skiing. If you feel like you have to buy us something, find a needy family and fill their pantry, that's what we will be doing."

Since then the holiday's have been true holidays for us and we get to enjoy what we love to do without getting our butts chewed.

The last year my dad was with us, we went to a state park and grilled hotdogs and baked beans for Christmas dinner. He loved it and told everyone what a great Christmas he had. No stress, warm fire and lots of laughter, the perfect menu.

Do what brings you joy and let the others have the nonsense.

Last year we didn't see our kids at Christmas because of covid. (They came to our house for Thanksgiving and we ate outside -- great weather!) We did deliver Christmas dinner and gifts to them at their apartments (they are local).

Last year we didn't do trick or treat because of covid. That was a great point to stop it, and we won't be starting that up again. We didn't do Christmas stockings last year, and I'll be happy to not start that up again, either. (I would make an exception of we had young grandchildren, but we don't.)

With the shipping delays and projected shortages, this is a great year to buy less. And although covid is decreasing in many places, by the time the holidays are here we could be in the middle of a big surge again.

I'm sure mil would love for us to travel to the old homestead. Fortunately we stopped THAT many years ago when my oldest was around 2 y/o. She overdoes Christmas, and there is no way we're going to start going there now.

Bah humbug. LOL

Oh thank you all! 🧡💛💙💜

Of course there are more options than roll with it or roll into a ball.. Roll my own! (Roll my own way that is 😁!)

BE the change I want to be etc.

I am now working on reducing the rumination over past events. As a *list person* am sorting expectations & requests into 'do-able' or 'nope'.

Thank you Isthisreallyreal for the word *nonsense*. It is now my new word for the whole season.

For Christmas, we don't have too many people to get gifts for. To make it easy on myself, I usually only give gifts of $$ to the kids and lottery tickets to MIL, BIL and his girl friend. On my side of the family, I told the adult relatives to not exchange gifts. Not having the stress of gift shopping is a gift we give each other.

I think this holiday season will be lost to COVID again. I hope next year life will go back to normal. My MIL makes the best roast turkey. I really miss her Thanksgiving and Christmas eve dinners.

I think I am going to do a few bonfires in the backyard just for our family. I love bonfires, looking at the flames has a calming effect on me.

Beatty, is your sister still at the same level of mobility as last year? Has she gotten herself a caregiver? Hopefully, this sister and others still remember that you want to be a guest and not an appointed caregiver at the holiday get together.

Black Friday shopping (especially at Walmart) is pure insanity. I stay far away from it.

I have pared back to what is important to me and my family: smaller tabletop tree, decorations (I enjoy them after Thanksgiving until 1st week in January), presents are giving way to doing things together, worship service together, everybody helps provide for the holiday meal. I gave up doing Christmas cookies years and years ago when my girls grew up. Might revive a few cookie favorites next year when my grandson is old enough to help. Not doing a lot of parties this year with COVID still a "thing".

Honestly, since my parents/in-laws are gone now, I found the pandemic as a welcome break from extended family members (nieces/nephews). I don't feel the need to entertain, or expose myself to, the people who were critical and/or unappreciative of the caregiving my husband and I provided. It was extremely stressful for the last years of their lives and extended family were hurtful and jackasses.

The pandemic is still ongoing and I plan to use it as an "excuse" this year as well to not see them. I'm an introverted person and quite content to stay in. I know I won't be able to use it as an excuse in 2022 so I will savor this holiday season. As I get older, extended family celebrations aren't as meaningful anymore. And I don't get into the hype of Christmas shopping, Black Friday or massive consumerism. I'd just as soon skip November and December. Think about it. How much "stuff" do you need? I stopped exchanging gifts years ago. My adult children receive gift cards or cash. I don't know what they want. Gift cards and/or cash let's THEM decide. I don't have grandchildren. I don't need scarves, gloves, knick knacks, etc. In fact, I'm trying to get RID of that stuff so when I die, my children aren't burdened with 50 years of accumulated "stuff" that they will have to deal with (like I had to TWICE). I'd rather have a coffee gift card or a dinner certificate. Something to consume and not clutter. They would too. Win win.

Everything has changed with the Pandemic. And I like the changes. No frantic cleaning, cooking etc. After all, it is supposed to be either or both or neither a religious event and secular celebration. Never had any problems with the religious celebration, but the secular? But the secular? 2 weeks at least of cleaning, buying groceries, choosing/finding presents at the last minute and cooking, cooking....and spending Christmas washing dishes. Why not decide what you want to do and be sure you leave time for prayer, meditation, quiet time with family and friends. Our family ended the gift tradition after we had no kids to consider. Why not make a donation to a charity that will help people?
Food? Fine if you love to cook, but how about ordering in a meal? I am actually looking forward to this lightened up Christmas this year.

Beatty: Imho, keep it as simple as you require it to be. If you cannot do it (either all or some of the holiday happenings), then just don't fret about any of it.