Dementia or delayed grief?
My dad was basically calm about my mother's death several months ago. He did cry a bit at the time, but then seemed to accept it and didn't get very emotional, so we decided to tell him the truth when he asked about her. Now he has suddenly started looking for her and when I tell him about her, he starts crying a bit and goes to his room. Would this be a dementia thing or delayed grief? Before the pandemic he did see the hospice grief counselor but he never got him to open up much about my mom. He did tell him about their first date, but never showed any emotion, so his grief now is kind of a shock to us. If we try to hedge an answer about her to cover up the death - he can sense it and tells us that something is not right and he wants the truth. He does not have a short term memory basically.
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I was depressed after my wife's death from AD. Could that be your dad's issue also? Depression can cause cognitive problems like short term memory loss. At this time, I wouldn't consider dementia until he was evaluated for depression by a psychologist. I would maybe call the hospice counselor back also to see if she/he could help with his grief. After the death of a spouse, lonliness is the biggest obstacle for the survivor. Often times, reminiscing helps, like when he talked about their first date.
Don't jump on the dementia bandwagon yet until his grief is better addressed and depression is ruled out (although I don't know how it could be).
How long had she been ill?
Often caring for someone they are more able to "hide" signs of dementia since they are on a routine that rarely changes they can handle the tasks.
There is also evidence that the caregiver of a person with dementia often develops dementia as well. (I'm not sure if this is age related or the deprivation of activity and conversation I have not read more detail about it)
If he has not seen his doctor in a while I would schedule that.
If the Hospice is doing a Bereavement Support Group get him involved with that.
But also keep in mind there is no "schedule" for grief. But the fact that he continues to look for her leads me to believe that there may be some dementia involved.
Condolences on the loss of your mom.
May God grant you grieving mercies and strength during this difficult time.
I am happy to hear that hospice care was a blessing for you and your family.
From my experiences-
my father in law took care of my mother in law who was confined to a wheelchair at the end of her life. He was in great physical shape.
We always thought she was being very bossy telling him what to do.
We began to realize after he was gone, she was being bossy was because he had early stage Alzheimer’s.