This is really just me needing to vent the incredible amount of frustration I am feeling, but also I can't imagine I'm alone on dealing with this issue: seniors, bless their hearts, are so darn picky when it comes to food!
My grandmother always tells me "I'm not picky, you know that." and boy do I have to bite my tongue for response. As Debbie on Queer as Folk would say: "I'm biting my tongue so hard, I'm tasting blood!" Hahaha.
Because yeah, grandma you are SO picky. Anything I put in front of this woman, she takes *maybe* TWO bites and suddenly doesn't feel like eating. It doesn't matter what it is, or consistency, or anything. There is really no rhyme or reason to it. Believe me, I've tried everything and have posed this issue to the forum before for ideas and nothing seems to work. The only thing she will eat is Ensure and the PB&J sandwiches I make her. And candy/cookies. Mind you, I don't begrudge her any of these. Heck, at 94, she's earned it. But there are so many times where she will ask me for cake or pastry type desserts, but when I get it, she doesn't eat it! URGHHH! I brought one home the other day which she specifically requested, and as soon as I cut it up and put it into little snack baggies for her, she asked me to put it away in the freezer (where she can't get to it, and will of course forget about it.) She wanted fresh cut fruit, which I also bought, and she hasn't touched it yet. She asks me what is in the house and when I offer it to her, she doesn't want it or doesn't eat it.
I can't help but get angry at this, because to me, this is bad behavior. To me, this is what a spoiled 5 year old would act like (which I realize she's in that mindset). I'm just so sick of it! Why bother buying this crap for her if she won't touch it?!
Of course I realize that this is part of dementia: they can't taste much of anything anymore besides sweets (which is why they crave it), and the body is shutting down, so they don't need a lot of calories and the appetite is disappearing as a result. So while I get the ins and outs of it, it's just so frustrating to figure out what the heck she wants that she would actually eat. And I work two jobs, so it's not like I have time to fuss over this.
While she can't help it, and it's not her fault, this is just one of the things about dementia that really pisses me off so much. Sometimes I just want to bang my head against a wall.
Make sure she's supplied with easy, accessible food that she can get to. Like a bag of cookies on the table. Then that's it. Stop knocking yourself out trying to please her. She won't starve if you don't pick up a specific type of cake she wants.
As for the whole eating scenario... I've come to realize this is Aunt Crazy (gma's daughter) getting into my head. She complained that I'm giving grandma the same foods over and over again, that I ought to mix it up. That made me feel guilty, and trying to cater to grandma's whims just doesn't work. So from here on out, I'm sticking to what I know and I'll leave the "change it up" crap to Aunt Crazy.
In my search to find something of an answer to this debacle, I discovered a few useful things that I thought to share:
1.) Many of Grandma's cravings were actually sugar crashes in disguise.
I'm kicking myself here a little because I should have recognized this from my own experience in weight loss: when I was super obese, I craved everything under the sun. When you eat to much refined sugar, it not only causes bad mood swings making you feel like crap, but it also makes you crave more refined sugar in return and creates a vicious cycle.
And I was right- turns out, she was eating too much of the bad stuff (regular soda, candy, cookies, etc.) And I mean really overdoing it, to the point where she was having upset stomach, nausea, dehydration, inflammation, not eating real food, and having the worst temper tantrums I've ever seen. So moderation is now key (*see point #4)
2.) Seltzer is a good switch from soda for hydration, and no nasty sugar crashes. And she'll drink it if I share a can with her and tell her it's soda.
3.) Cut up fruit. Why didn't I think of this sooner! She loves cut fruit, it's healthy, economical, she can easily access it from the fridge, and no resulting health issues from eating it. It also doesn't stand a chance of going bad in our house because it simply won't last long enough to do that. Fruit can also be hydrating, especially watermelon, so it solves a few problems at once. This is a win in my book.
4.) Moderating her "bad foods" by preparing a daily small snack baggie of them, and putting it in her lunch bag each day. Mind you I don't begrudge her anything so long as it's not a hinderance to her wellbeing (or mine, for that matter!)
I make a small lunch bag for her everyday, put one PBJ sandwich in it, a small snack baggie of chips and 2 cookies. She can easily grab it from the fridge. This, the breakfast I make her in the morning plus the cut fruit will tide her over until dinner. Perfect!
Can I be perfectly honest here folks? I can't believe I actually seem to have figured this one out.
My mother has 'labile' BP, which means her BP can swing widely with very high and low numbers at any given moment.
Her cardiologist told told her via Zoom recently, to watch the salt, and yet she seems to go out of her way to not listen...
I can't imagine how or what she would eat on her own. She's 93. Yes, I know people (usually, non-caregivers) say "give her what she wants at her age", but they're not the one taking care of her on a daily basis. Plus, in this Covid pandemic, I am working extremely hard to keep her as healthy as possible so she does not get sick or have to go into the hospital. I've learned that most people can talk the talk, but few walk the walk... especially, siblings... 'friends' (who are not physically present to deal with these issues... and, this is only 1 of many other issues eh?... like showering, cleaning up after them, answering questions almost non stop (as if you are the all-knowing, all-everything)...
I think if I wasn't caring for my mother she would only taste the salt (should she have the salt shaker) or sweets (which she says she rarely eats!... After Christmas, she was hooked on all the chocolate (and, not the good chocolate) that people were dropping off for her. Sometimes, I believe they didn't want to eat it themselves, so they passed it on to my mother... I'm having to wean her off of sugar... (she's unaware... and, doesn't miss all the sugar).
Yesterday, I made her pork ribs and sauerkraut, potatoes, onions... she asked me for. It took me all day... the clean-up and, putting things away, was a lot as well. She rarely says thank you. Actually, the day before, she actually told my brother and his 'new' girlfriend on FaceTime that I don't give her meat! She tells this to a total stranger!... I buy her meat all the time.... Expensive and the best meats... on my money.
What bothers me the most, is that she just won't stop talking and complaining about one thing or another. It goes on all day and night... At the end of the day, my mind is about to explode!
After all this... she now hates me... God only knows all I have done to get her well especially after these past 4 years (hip surgeries... one that was 'bad'... and, a fractured metacarpal in her left hand).
So, you and I are not alone and I thank God for the people on this site to help keep our sanity.
Sometimes, you can't 'win', no matter what.
All we can do is try.
God Bless you and everyone... Spring is almost here!!!
PS I lost 40 lbs (I didn't need to loose that much) during these last 4 years caring for her, in and out of hospitals,,, rehabs... drs visits... staying overnight... because, it was necessary... Now, I'm gaining some back... thank goodness!
(Oh yes, and that's not including 'physically' pushing, lifting, etc. Into wheel chairs, cars, etc... that caregivers don't even mention... Caregivers have a huge heart... and, deserve the best in their lives... also... !)
Picky: This isn't a restaurant. If you don't want to eat what I'm offering then go hungry.
Fussy: If you don't like how I do it, then do it yourself. If you can't, either shut the hell up or do without it.
This is how to deal with picky and fussy. Works every time.