I’m happily married with 3 kids. I bought 3 bedroom house from my parents in 2018 because they were planning to travel and also move to TX where all their relatives and family is.
Once I had the house, I started renovations since the house was ugly … they never left during the whole process. I thought maybe it’s because of covid and they will leave after. It’s 2023 now and they still didn’t leave. So it’s 7 of us living in 3 bedrooms now :(
How do I tell my parents to leave the house? As they planned and told us. Whenever I bring up the topic they say that they are my parents and I can’t talk like this or question them.
They seem not to care that we need space. I can’t afford a bigger house if they changed their mind.
My husband has suggested to sell the house then they will be forced out. But I spend so much money for renovations that I want to enjoy it. (We pay most of the bills including my parents cell phone…only thing they pay for is their auto and electric bill for house)
My parents are in their 70’s and I’m hitting 40.
I have 3 other siblings who I have discussed about this many times they all always say… I’m very luckily that parents don’t want to live away from me and if I question them I will suffer punishment from God after parents die (I feel like they want to stay out of it since they don’t want to deal with parents or invite them)
We bought our house from my parents (all legally done) but we didn't purchase it until they were completely moved out. There is no way we could have lived her with our 2 kids and parents. The stress and space limitations would have made it unbearable.
I would tell you parents they need to move within an agreed timeframe. If they don't move within that time, I would start charging rent. If they don't pay, you can evict them. If that seems too harsh, sell the house.
Your parents are relatively young and could be living with you for another 15-20 years, so take action now or you may never be able to do it.
Now you know that you should have gotten all of this in writing - or did you? If you did, and it's legally enforceable, you might have a case for throwing them out. That will require a lawyer's opinion. You'd better ask also if under whatever circumstance you ask them to leave if you need to give them legal notice to get out, since there are tenant laws you may have to observe.
This is the United States of America. You don't have to live under their culture if you don't want to. Your parents could live 20 more years and become sick under your roof. Then you will not only be squeezed into an inadequate living condition, you'll also be emptying their bedpans and providing wound care for bedsores.
You really owe your kids a much better life than you all have now. Lots of luck in getting out of this situation.
"For 2023, I am going to call my state's (AZ) ALTCS and find out what options are available to me."
Have you done this?
It galls me to no end the number of posts I read on this site where people engage in illegal and immoral acts and justify them with religion. YOU will be punished by your god? What about what THEY are doing? Worse!!!
You got got tricked by your parents (you were the solution to their problem) and your siblings are playing you to keep themselves from being the parents’ next solution.
This will require a difficult confrontation. Ask yourself if you’d rather suffer to keep the peace or risk full family wrath to fix your situation. Because selfish people will fight. If they’ve all been this bad this long...
Love it.
Or just bring a real realtor in.
Are appraisals free where you live? If so, get an appraisal for 1. Selling & 2 Renting it out.
Maybe your hard work for the reno will mean selling actually does make sense?
The market value rent would for the whole house but an agent could probably make an educated guess for room & board rent. In my city it's about 150-200 just for the room, then utilities on top. Maybe 200-300 for a couple. A one bedroom apartment is 300 a week. So yeah, your freeloading folks are getting a pretty good deal!
I will assume that this is a cultural thing. The US has laws concerning siblings sharing a bedroom. You have 3 children, so two are of the same sex. Its been 5 yrs so lots older. There are laws that male and female children should not be in the same bedroom after a certain age. So if u have one daughter, she should have a room of her own. One boy, he should not be sleeping with his sisters. Five years ago your children were much smaller, they aren't anymore. They need space. Thats what you tell your parents. The house is no longer big enough for 7 people. You need their room for that one child. Tell them its a law that siblings of different sexes cannot sleep in the same room. So its time for them to find their own place to live.
Family meeting time with DH involved. I would assume in ur culture the husband is head of the household. You bring up to dear parents that when buying the house there was no discussion of them remaining there. They were suppose to move to Texas and travel. Then COVID came and moving out was not feasible. Well its 2023, COVID is here to stay. Your house is not big enough for 7 people. Your children are growing and need their own space. The boy/girl needs a room of their own. They need to find someplace else to live. You would not have bought the house if you had known they planned to stay. Both u and DH have to stand together on this. Yes, they will not be happy. Yes, siblings will say something. You tell them, try living in a house with 7 people and 3 bedrooms. And they can always take Mom and Dad in.
Plus, there’s going on five years of free rent and board minus the power bill. Assuming you paid fmv for the house, they have plenty of money to pay to live in a rental.
This suffer from God stuff is pure manipulation, they don't want to be stuck with your parents. Don't fall for their nonsense.
They are your parents however you are now an adult, their equal, so you can tell them to move out. Give them 60 days and stick to your boundary, need be you can evict them.
This has gone on long enough time to stand up and be counted and respected as an adult.
So time to be honest. I am with hubby. SELL THAT HOME. Or at least THREATEN to do so.
Sit your parents down now and tell them that when you bought the house from them it was with the agreement that they were moving to Texas. That didn't happen. And that you never wanted to own a house in which they stayed rent free with you, or even PAYING rental. That you do NOT want to live with your parents. That the house is not big enough and you wouldn't want to live with your parents if it WERE big enough.
I would tell them then the time limit they have to move. I would offer help in seeking a condo with the funds they have from selling this house to you. It may be nearby. If they don't want the help that's fine. But give a time. Three months seems practical. Tell them that if they have not moved at that point you will be forced FORCED to sell the home and they will be evicted by the new owners. And tell them if they force you to leave this home your relationship is OVER for good.
That's that.
Pure honesty. And then do it.
Step one. You and husband sit and get yourselves on the same page.
I sure wish you the best. I sure hope you will update us.
I assume the equity your parents got from the house they have in savings, or is that money all gone? Or was there a mortgage deducted from the equity which gave them a small amount? What is their financial situation?
Being your folks are only in their 70's, which is still young by today's standards, they could be out working part-time to keep themselves busy and have extra money as Social Security doesn't offer much in income.
Time to ask your parents to help out with the household expenses, since you have two extra mouths to feed, more water use, more laundry being done, etc. If your parents want to have a cellphone, then they pay for it themselves, it's not like they are teenagers.
And when you think about it, your parents are taking away a bedroom for your oldest child. If you have a pre-teen or teenager, believe me they want their privacy.
If your parents won't budge in helping out more, then you and hubby need to cut back while your folks are in the house. Cut the cable. Don't buy special items that your folks like at the grocery store. Serve pasta with butter for dinner.
Short of installing coin boxes on the washer/dryer, keep the laundry detergent to a half a cup in the bottle while you keep a filled bottle elsewhere. If you do your parents laundry, and they complain that the towels feel like cardboard, well "sorry, Mom, fabric softener is expensive".
I am sure you and your hubby can come up with other ideas that hopefully will register with your parents that they need to help out financially, or move to their own space.
Rent: starting 1st March, in advance for the month.
Bills: stopping 1st March.
Don't take any 'but we are saving our money for your future inheritence'. The future is in the future.
You need to sort out the living & finances for the present.
Do you have an actual legal sale recorded? Or a mortgage with your name on it (and your husbands) and excluding your parents?
If the house is legally yours you may have to evict them.
This is a court procedure but it may take a while.
Time to tell the parents they need to get an apartment or start traveling otherwise they need to buy the house back from you plus cover the cost of all renovation in the purchase price.
What did they do with the money you paid them for the house?
Rremember this because once you move them out never let them move in again under any circumstances.
You are so young, and your future is bleak if you don't get your parents out of your house. I don't think you are obligated in any way to buy them another house, either.
Your siblings are really something. Why is it that they think YOU are the one who has to look out for your parents? And lest you start any "poor mama and daddy" thinking, remember that they raised your three siblings to have the attitudes that they have. How did this happen? Are you the only daughter? For all you know, your parents are saving up money to be eventually divided when they die equally amongst you and your siblings...or maybe unequally? Regardless, YOU will be the big loser there, if all the money you paid them is just added to the general pot of money while they get free room and board and your eventual caregiving.
Please keep us updated. This situation is absurd, and I, too, think you were tricked. Perhaps one of your siblings coached them on what to do?
Is there a reason they now don't want to move to Texas?
Whatever, you are going to need to either well the house of evict Mom and Dad.
This is simply ridiculous. God was sometimes odd, according to the Old Testament, but not usually this vindictive. Perhaps your loving siblings worship a different God.
I’d suggest that you contact the “relatives and family” in TX. Say the parents always wanted to move there, but are having trouble making the arrangements from a distance. Get the ‘normal happy’ rellies to rent a house for them, then pack up all their stuff, hire a moving van and take it all down there. It’s worth a three month rent to get them gone. Put the parents in another car following. Learn the words to “My Old Man said Follow the Van, and Don’t Dilly Dally on the Way”.
Suggest that the loving siblings move in with them in TX “just to settle them in” for a while – anywhere out of earshot for you!
But if you did need a different house, sure - do it. Start looking.
However, if you want to stay in the house, a big dose of reality needs to descend & be discussed.
Communication. What's holding that back?
Book a time for a honest chat, a time with no distractions - you, your husband & your parents (no kids present).
1. Tell your parents your expectations. Keep it simple: they sold you the house - they were to move out.
2. Ask their expectations.
Seems a very large discrepancy between 1 & 2.
Like an elephant size discrepancy in the room. Get it out in the open where you can SEE the issue & TALK about it.
What would you do if you bought a house from a stranger and they didn't leave? You'd seek a legal remedy, right? You woukd evict them.
Read about Fear, Obligation and Guilt.--F.O.G. It's a tactic of manipulation that some folks use to get what they want.
It sounds like you've never been an adult in their eyes, or your own. You need a lawyer to stand up to them.
They have defrauded you. And stolen your money.
Find yourself a lawyer and start eviction proceedings.
You are being played.
Your siblings should add to costs to do this, you're not the only one born from your parents, all siblings "should" have equal responsibility for aging parents. That's my view anyway. Btw, your siblings do not sound caring to your predicament, let alone thinking of their aging parents. They should at least help in financial costs to do what I've suggested.
From a personal view, parents - you only get two, and probably find it's the best kind of love, anyone will ever receive in a normal happy parent sibling relationship. One way or another you'll miss them in the future, the more they love you, the more you will miss them.
After reading the various types of health decline of people's elderly oved one's on this forum; if your parents are healthy, you have a good relationship with them that's a good thing. Hence my suggestion of selling but down-sizing for you and the kid and a smaller place for your parents to still live close-by.
You could look at another way also, if you want to go on vacations just with your and your husband, your parents can look after the place.
Renovations and things inside the property are just things, it's people that matter most. Don't be tied to material possessions, I think heard someone on this forum say: The things you own, end up owning you.
Yes there are times when things get frantic, hectic, lack of space, but there are other ways to maybe annex off part of the property, again your siblings should help at least financially if needed.
Believe me if you have a good relationship with your parents, don't make them unhappy, get their sign off, meet each other half-way.
Blessing, peace.
Yes, it sounds like they've suckered you. However, you're not a child, so this "don't talk to us that way" stuff is ridiculous. It's time to grow a spine and tell them its time they take the proceeds from their home sale and buy themselves a home. Tell them you love them, want them to fly out of the nest like real adults do, then give them a firm date in, say, five months to get out of YOUR house or suffer the extreme embarrassment of being evicted by their own family.
Stop being the child in this situation. You have a family of your own that you're responsible for, and it's time you stopped being intimidated by your parents or what you think "God" might do to you when you're dead.
Take the bull by the horns and set some boundaries. What they choose to do with the rest of their lives is their business, but living in your home is not part of the deal.