I take care of my mom, who lives with me. It seems like she is always finding things to get angry about or things to cry about or be depressed or worry about. In her defense, she has a lot of health issues and chronic pain. She's home alone a lot when I'm at work, and I do notice times when she's trying to be positive.
I'm just tired of all of it and I'd like to vent. I'm sick of her attitude, I'm sick of her constantly finding problems all the time with people or things that she expects me to fix or solve, I'm sick of talking to people on her behalf, I'm sick of trying to play devil's advocate all the time because she thinks everyone is out to screw her over, I'm sick of her feeling like she can say anything to me, no matter how rude, but is extremely defensive and reactive if I point out any of her flaws. I'm tired of her finding all the things wrong with her life instead of things that are right. I'm sick of her crying and feeling sorry for herself. I just want to leave sometimes.
As they lose their friends, their health, maybe their mind, there is a lot to be sad about.
In some types of dementia They lose the ability to filter what they say.
Chronic pain also makes it tough to be pleasant. Only saints can do this!
As an example, I had a coworker who was always grouchy, till she had a heart attack. She then had a triple bypass, recovered, and became quite pleasant. Probably because she had less pain, less of a struggle to merely function.
When asked “how are you?” I would often say something non-commital, like “not too bad” or “still above ground” or “could be worse”.
i wouldn’t lie. But I wouldn’t go into detail unless they really wanted to know. “Do you want an organ recital?”
Your Mom is probably depressed and in pain and not a happy camper.
Your mom needs to find things to kerp her busy.
She needs a friend.
See if you can get her involved doing puzzles, paint by number, crafts, knitting, reading, listening to music.
Do a weekly outing with your mom and one of her friends and go get a manicure or pedicure, go to a movie, take a ride to the beach, go for a walk, go out to eat, ect.
You need to ask a Church Member or friend or hire a Caregiver for one day or night a week to go visit your mom 4 hrs so you can have some time between your work and your mom, time just for yourself and go out to eat with a friend or go get pampered with a Massage, go out to dinner with a
You need to treat yourself. You have work then home with your mom, makes you not a happy camper.
Your mom only has all day home by herself and wants to vent with noone but you to hear and of course you don't need to hear it when you get home from work, you need to relax in a hot bubbly bath with a soak and a glass of wine to remind.
Mare up some Do Lists that will make both of ya'll get a little happiness in your life.
Just making a list will make both you and your mom feel better and then do them.
Prayers
Some people were always angry. It’s almost like they were born with a genetic disposition to be angry.
I’ve known people like this and I avoid them like the plague. They will never own anything and always blame others for their misery and they will continue to try to suck people into their trap.
They are energy vampires. They will drain every ounce of energy that you have if you allow it. Some are conscious of their behavior and others are most likely mentally ill and believe their own crap.
I have found that most people who were happy when they were younger remain pleasant and those who are mean were always mean and miserable to be around.
I don’t bother with trying to please them. It’s a complete waste of time. I don’t try to change them. They are who they are. Why should I wreck my head against their brick wall?
It’s extremely liberating to let go of toxic people.
If this is different from her younger personality, she probably needs something to help her cope.
it takes about 30 days for these medications to take effect.
Physical losses are inexorable until they include our very ability to move; mental losses until our entire competency is gone.
As to whether aging makes things "worse", I guess if you start out as a bit of a depressive you would become more of one. I think I have never seen it happen, however, that a happy person becomes happier still.
Some very few remarkable people age with great grace, fortitude and acceptance; rare as hen's teeth, that, I would say.
Please consider that you need a little help so your not stuck in a rut... leads to burnout. Get help from family, friends, members of your faith group, and/or paid help so you have some free hours during the week. Use your time for fun and to regain your "joy" and "peace". Praying helps me.
I remind him that I love him, I’m sorry things are so tough, and that it’s a struggle for ALL of us. Sometimes I just hug him and cry. He gets frustrated. He’s wheelchair bound so must rely on others for quite a bit. There’s a neat poem called DO Not Ask Me to Remember, by Owen Darnell. Check it out. I read it when I find myself getting angry or upset with Dad. No easy answers here- practice self-care first and hang in there!!
I am also extremely sick of it and feel I have lost 5 years of a good life. Does anyone out there have good advice for us?
Care to share your most extreme fantasy? Hahaha
Their motto is I am going to do what I want to do an do not care who I hurt to get what I want.
As they age their bodies break down and there is a constant battle between the mind saying I am going to do what I want and the body saying you are going to suffer if you do. I have seen many, my mother being the worse, who know if they do something they will suffer. Being stupid and stubborn (the two go hand in hand) they refuse to learn their lesson (oh that happened the last ninety nine times it will not happen this time ) and proceed to abuse their body. The bodies reaction is swift and brutal. It is true fools never learn.
These folks are also users and abusers. As they age their availability of victims dwindles and they resent it. I have seen it too often. Most folks do not give in to their manipulation and when they cannot get their own way proceed to through temper tantrums like spoiled children.
There are laws to protect against elder abuse. I wish there were laws to prevent live in care giver abuse.
EN, you do know that you do not have to put up with it. You are not responsible for her.
My former MIL used to play woe is me and envy cards all the time. After listening to her go on and on about how much better my step mother's life was I had had it. My step Mum is a remarkable woman and she does not complain. So I asked my x- MIL which of her two children did she want to die? Then to throw away everything she had owned prior to age 35. Why? My step mum lost two of her 4 children to a drunk driver, their house burned to the ground prior to that and they lost everything but their lives. All of a sudden my x-mil's life did not look so bad.
In no way am I being disrespectful to elders. They are just as miserable! It's no wonder that we read about psych meds being recommended so much on this forum quite frequently!
I know it's very hard now, try to be patience with her. Just like when you were a child. Considering, a local home care agency could come help your mom? I send you hug ((())) & a lot of well wishes for you. You are not alone. and praying for you 🙏🏼
Of course, there is no way those of us on the outside can tell what the problems are, but it does seem that your current arrangement isn't working out for you or your mom.