Follow
Share

I have heard hospice nurses say during the last days that the person has mostly left but their body hasn’t caught up to it.


So, I think it is possible for the soul to travel first.


I look at my mom in her final days in hospice. It’s like she is there but not there.


Her body is there. Her eyes are closed. She is non responsive.


She isn’t in pain. I am grateful that she is on scheduled doses of morphine.


It seems so odd. It’s like there is only a shell left. The rest of her or the ‘real’ her is already gone.


Anyone else feel this way as their loved one is or was dying?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
I know my dad was indeed a shell in his last hours, and he didn't even resemble the man from 24 hours earlier. He was asleep, of course, because he wasn't breathing enough to be conscious. I was haunted by how he looked when he died (his jaw was slack and he looked like that painting "The Scream"), but blissfully, that image faded from my mind and was replaced by the vibrant, loving man I knew my entire life.

The soul, the personality, the aware and conscious self is certainly minimized before the body ceases to function, but it seemed there was a small spark of my dad still there until the end.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

MJ,

Yes, mom’s mouth is open most of the time.

I feel like you. She just doesn’t look like my mom.

I feel like she is dreaming or something. Does that sound weird?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I don't know if the soul leaves first or not, but will agree that often a person as they're nearing death, is but a shell of themselves. I saw an interesting video on the TV show Paranormal Caught on Camera, where someone's security camera caught on tape a deer getting hit by a car, and as the deer struggled and finally gave up and died, a shadowy mist seem to escape from its body, and floated upward, as if it were its soul leaving its body.
I guess we won't know the answer to that question until we ourselves are at deaths door.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

As strange as it sounds, I almost felt like my mom's soul was "wandering" the last few days...like it would "step out" of her body and then come back.

I know she was seeing people on the other side...at one point she was arguing with someone that she had to wait for my daughter to come home; my daughter was sitting right there. Mom was clearly arguing...then all of a sudden, she opened her eyes, saw my daughter and said "oh, hi, Em, when did you get home?" My daughter told her "I've been here the whole time, grandma..." and my mom kind of harumphed under her breath...I have no doubt she had been arguing with my dad :)

She was also mostly non-responsive during her transition; but she did get agitated if we closed her bedroom door. I had the feeling that my dad was "standing" in the doorway while they talked to each other, and when the door was closed, she couldn't see him and got upset.

NHWM, I know how hard this is to go through - you go from wanting it to be over, and the fear that it will end. Still thinking of all of you during this time, and saying a few prayers along the way for peace for all of you...
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Daughterof1930 Apr 2021
“you go from wanting it to be over, and the fear that it will end” Exactly! It’s the biggest jumble of emotions, so ready for your beloved parent to be free, yet knowing you’ll miss them forever
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
This is the way coming of death is. She is still there. She is not interested any more in trying to respond to people, or doesn't have the strength. Think of it as a bit of a drugged state. Think of it as being in the back seat of the car as a child, your parents in front chatting as they drive home through the night from an active day at Grandma's. Think of the lull of their voices, but being between sleep and wakefulness. For centuries people have understood that as death approaches people leave off interest in the living and in life. They called it "He (she) turned his face (her face) to the wall." Meaning they were there but not responsive. As a lifelong atheist I don't believe in a soul, but I do believe in dream like states where those who are semi comatose see people from their past, and etc. I would think, if soul there is, that it would not leave a helpless but still living body. But who really knows. For we poor humans it is all guesswork.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Yes, MJ, I agree about a small spark....

Dad was in the ER for what he thought may have been another heart attack. Husband and I were away, and asked our pastor to visit him. (mom never discussed his declining memory until dad showed up at our house, months before at 2am, with an alternate-reality ‘story’ and was not talking rationally.) I wanted pastor’s perspective.

Dad wasn’t very lucid. Dad Spent the next three months in/out of the hospital, rehab and finally long-term care. His last ER visit, I received a call from the Hospital asking me to help mom understand that they were doing extraordinary things to keep dad alive. Eventually, he was mistakenly put on a vent (no advance directives), and it was the most horrifying sight I’d ever seen. Finally, Mom understood dad wasn’t going to live. The vent was removed and dad was moved to a hospice room. I whispered something very familiar to him there, and he responded just as dad ALWAYS would.

We held his hands at bedside, and he was gone within the half hour.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I most certainly felt this way while watching my dad. I just knew he was gone the last two days. The hospice nurse said this to me in the most gentle way “in many ways he’s already gone, his body is just catching up” He showed no sign of, well anything. I was devastated and also glad to see his pain end, just as he wanted. Strangest mix of emotions I’ve ever experienced. Continue to wish you and your mom peace and calm
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2021
I think that they are gone already.

For some reason, their body lingers. My brother did that too.
(0)
Report
I am sitting in mom’s room all alone. My brother went home to make a sandwich to eat.

They have a sign by her that says, ‘No ice, only swabs.’ She isn’t in pain.

She looks like she’s dreaming or something. Her mouth is constantly open. I don’t know how long that she will linger on like this.

They do have her on continual regular doses of morphine.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
funkygrandma59 Apr 2021
Your mom can still hear you,(as hearing is the last sense to go) so make sure you're talking to her, just as if she were awake and alert. This can go on for a while, but only God knows the day and time that He will call her home. I'm glad to hear that she is peaceful and not in any pain. That is a blessing for sure.
(1)
Report
See 4 more replies
Sorry for what you are going through.

I think you may feel better if you read about astral projection. Dr Robert Crookall's papers, may help your feelings.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2021
I read about astral projection years ago. It was extremely interesting.
(0)
Report
I believe my dad vacillated between this world and the next the last few days of his life.

Each of us kids talked to him, prayed over him and told over and over that he could 'go' now. We'd be fine. We'd take care of mom.

He slid slowly into the next life between breaths. It was one of the sweetest moments of my life.

In the next couple of years, I had a continuing dream where my dad would appear to me, he'd come running up a hill, wearing a loose white gown and would hug me and talk to me. He had a full head of hair, which I never knew him to have.

Unbeknownst to me, all 5 of my kids had the exact same dream--right down to the detail of him having hair. Considering that one of them had never known him healthy, it was sweet for her.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2021
I had dreams of my brother after he died and they were similar to your dream.

My brother was younger in the dream and had beautiful dark hair again. He was well and healthy.

The odd thing was my mom had the same dream on the same night!

When I was telling her about my dream she told me the end of my dream before I could finish telling her!

We never had that happen before where mom and I had the same dream.

My brother loved to cook and serve people good food. He was serving our entire family food that he cooked.

We were very comforted by that dream.

Both of us had been praying for him because he was a tortured soul who had a lot of misery in his life.

We felt that he was finally at peace.
(0)
Report
I have heard Nurses say they have seen the souls leave at time of last breath.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2021
That’s amazing to think about. Isn’t it? I bet they see many things because they are around the sick and dying all the time.

Plus, they build strong bonds with their patients.

I think the bond is often stronger with nurses than with their doctor because they spend so much time with them and do more of the hands on care.
(0)
Report
NHWM, I am sorry about your mom.

I think the topic is quite interesting. The questions that we all have about death all come to our consciousness when death is imminent for a loved one. Watching, listening and wondering.

How many hours a day do you or brother spend with mom? One thing that I still wonder about. Do our LO's want to be alone or with family when they pass?

Wondering about the actual process of dying is normal. Does answering these questions for ourselves make our own preparation easier?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter