My mother has always been a manipulator, verbally, mentally and sometimes physically abusive to me, my two sisters and my dad. She will take any situation and make it about her no matter what it is. Well she was tested a year ago for dementia and was found to have the starting of it, now a year latter and she’s been hospitalized 3 times in the last 6 months I thought it was getting worse. They tested her again and found that her scores had actually gone up by two points. So I guess my question is has anyone else had something similar happen with their parent? My thought is that she’s acting worse to get more attention on her. She doesn’t like it if my dad doesn’t spend all his time and energy on her. It’s frustrating trying to figure out if she really has a problem or is it just her acting out again?
He trusts my daughter the most so she’s watching him. He’ll relax with her. So we’re still not sure and I suspect he’s always been narcissistic. It IS ALL about him! But mom’s problems might have made him grow up a little at 89 years old.
I bring the worst out in him unfortunately so I’m unsure. It’s nerve wracking.
What has caused her to be hospitalised three times in six months? - that's quite a lot, and it's hard to imagine it wouldn't be relevant to how she's behaving.
How old is she?
What test was done, by whom, and what were her scores then and now?
I'm sorry to ask so many questions, but without understanding the picture better it's hard for people to say whether they've experienced anything similar.
There is no reason your mom should change if acting the way she has all her life has always gotten her what she wants. If she suspects you’re about to put the whoa on her acting out, she’ll ramp it up. My mom’s Drama Queen act went into high gear when she went into a nursing home even though she was in the early stages. Can you change her? Nope. Can you change Dad? Most likely not. And, you’ll only make yourself look bad if you try to come between them. He’s a big boy and he could have left. However, having said that, I would absolutely not tolerate ANY physical abuse. If she ramps THAT up, I’d definitely call her doc. That is not acceptable and never should have been.
Read the book “Being Mortal” by Atul Gawande.
It will help you and your dad and maybe even your mom.
It’s not about difficult people but it will help to shift your focus.
As always the more information given with your question, the more tailored the answers.
Read a bit about Dementia of Lewy Bodies. It does come and go as I understand it. Also if your mom had a UTI or had recently had anesthesia before her testing a year ago, she might have tested worse than recently. There are probably many reasons why she could have different results but that’s two that come to mind.
Behavior problems such as bipolar can get worse is my experience if not treated. Part of that treatment is setting boundaries regardless of dementia. I’m not saying your mom is bipolar. Im saying that ignoring any behavior that infringes on others will generally escalate until someone is forced to take action. This should happen sooner not later for the well being of all concerned.
When she gets mad at things it is not just a little irritated, she goes from fine to really really angry in seconds! that is not like her at all,she has always been the enabler that would never blow up at a situation...not now! its scary how mad she gets.
I asked her dr about it and they are going to evaluate on her next visit, i'm worried that if my mom found out that i called her Dr she would be fuming mad at me. Her next appt is in a couple of weeks, i'm hoping for some guidance from the Dr. The past 9 months have been very hard on my dad.