I care for my 81 yr old mother (she doesn’t drive, needs help showering, I cook all her meals, manage her meds) who has been in our (w/my amazing husband) home for the last 2 1/2 yrs. We (hubby and I) moved 1100 miles from home (what few friends/family I had are there) to help w/hubby’s medical issues (moving here, FL, he now is now able to work). I have no friends here and now with COVID (what few visiting nurses we HAD) no one has been in my house for months. I get out only to go to the grocery store (mom comes along but if stores are swamped she stays in the car - which is most of the time) and when she has a doctors appt. I don’t want to expose myself to anyone outside my home because I doesn’t want to get sick or pass it onto my mother.
Most days I’m alright but there are times when I just feel so alone (especially when my husband goes out fishing once every six weeks or so). I feel like some days I’m absolutely going stark raving mad. Anyone have any ideas or thoughts on what I could do before I lose it?
Own his own with 2 helpers and me visiting 2 days a week. This forum is a huge help to all of us. I mostly read but thought I would share today.
Dad is 93 with dementia, not worst case but we have to give morning meds and prep meals. He is able to walk and use bathroom.
Sometimes we have to think out of the box of what to do for our parent.
I pick flowers for Dad and he loves them
Brought friends dog over and he enjoyed that and lit him up
Bring a magazine and go through page by page with comments
Bring over a food treat that he likes
Buy scratch off lottery tickets and have them do the scratching with a coin. Last one was a $10 winner- Dad was happy!
Show him paper pictures from the past or pics/video on my phone of something
We do simple exercises together - marching in place holding on to chair and he can lift free weights. I get Dad outside for short walks. He also enjoys just standing outside and watching the birds and planes.
You can use a wheelchair outside and take parent for a walk. If parent can get to the chair outside. It can be kept outside hidden and covered if you don't have a ramp.
If parent can get to the car take for a ride - plan visit to a park - have lunch at a picnic table.
Doing something together such as adult coloring books, puzzles.
What I find is we get so used to doing things for them we forget they may be able to do things also but we don't give them the chance. I witnessed in a rehab they gave a lady towels to fold and she felt an accomplishment.
Nothing says we all should not be exercising even if our parent can't . Many exercises you can do inside and maybe you can leave for 15 min for a walk.
Dad likes to watch the birds - if you have a tree or anywhere you can place bread and attract birds it can hold their attention.
It's easy to get frustrated but put the energy into thinking of something your parent would like. They know more that you think and pick up on our frustration.
Put yourself in their place.
Sometimes we forget to ask what do they want? - what would they like to do?
I took my Dad to the driving range - long time golfer and he can still hit a short shot but he enjoyed just watching the guys hit and then we played a couple holes of miniature golf.
Since the virus I'm thinking many of our homes have less items, is more organized, and if it's not than you can do that on your own to keep busy and you feel better downsizing.
I think we get so frustrated as we are thinking of ourselves and how we are handling the care giving situation. A parent can realize they are stuck and can feel like they are a burden.
Try a different approach. The last thing we want is after our parent has passed is to look back and realize we didn't do more positive activities.
All the best to care givers and do for yourselves best you can and try to make your parent smile today.
Barbara
i would like to add that I am 65 and take care of my 84 yr old sweet H, marred for 27 yrs, he is in stage 6. I have given myself many attitude adjustments along the way and have learned the lesson of acceptance.
This has truly been a difficult time- I lost my grandfather to COVID19, my grandma and I were sick with it, which caused us both some health issues. But you know what? Those health issues are clearing up. My breathing has gotten much better to the point where I hardly need the inhaler. Grandma is recovering well. My family and I fought because difficult times tend to bring out the worst in people, but we are all still here and trying to patch things up.
My dear, don't worry. Like all storms in life, this too shall pass. Stay strong, take time out for yourself, go do something fun that you enjoy at least once a day. I live for my 12 o'clock Beatles block on the radio everyday! :) I promise you, it's all going to be okay.
To all of my fellow caregivers out there, sending you guys lots of love and support.
At least I have homehealth still coming to the house, but even my doctor told me to get away an entire day. With Covid, where do I go? I don't trust hotel rooms, certainly not going to camp in this heat. My hubby told me I had to take him too, lol. But where? plus, could I find someone to stay with mom. Normally, our house has everything I need for a vacation except the beach. We joked about telling Mom we would be gone, but then sneaking around the house. I'm sure we'd run into each other.
My mom actually can do a lot more for herself than she wants to and for 90 yo post stroke and broken femur in the last year, she can get around ok with the wheelchair and the walker, although she complains for me all the time. She wants me to do for her, and I refuse. I don't even argue doctor's orders with her anymore and I walk out a lot. Her negativity and depression has cast a shadow over our house like Voldermorts deatheater signal in the sky. I think that's why my empathy has gone.
I escape outside as much as possible and I'm working on a place to go for a day that I would enjoy.
I work in a school p/t and before covid, had aides come in to sit with mom while I worked. Now if I cannot go back to my job in Sept due to covid,I'll be very depressed since that's my lifeline to sanity.
Mom likes to be around me & stare at my face and I totally hate that...so I put on YT videos for her and insist that she stay in her room for a bit.
I sometimes wonder why our parents go on living & living & living....,what is the purpose of their life if they get too sick/very dependent on us?
My husband is generally supportive since his parents also live with us 6 mos/year. I feel I'm running my own senior center with meals on the dot, taking them to appointments etc..
Sorry original post-er...I don’t have many answers, but I SURE RELATE and I am here learning, too!