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Mom is usually happy in her Memory Care Home. It is great and her room is fantastic. Been there 6 weeks. For days in a row she will be happy and then she wakes up mad and thinking people are stealing from her and coming in to her room. She gets loud and screams "help". It may last 2 days. Is this a normal part of the progression? She actually seems to have more memory when she is in one of these "moods". No UTI. They handle her well but I know they tried to call me today at 7 am but I had my phone on Do Not Disturb (and I am glad). Anyone else experience this?

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Has she been seen by the geriatric psychiatrist or behavioral health Nurse Practioner who is affiliated with facility?
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Is she on pain meds because my mother displayed that kind of actions when she was on them. She thought we were after her and all sorts of crazy things.
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DrCarol56 Aug 2019
She was on Trazedone (very little) but we stopped that - waiting to see if there are any differences.
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Yes, most definitely. My father was the same way. Happy and smiling, a kid in a candy store, loving, and sweet...then turned "Swearing, yelling, demanding" not himself at all person.
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DrCarol56 Aug 2019
Thank you.
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Very normal. In fact my dad actually became paranoid delusional and finally hospice prescribed Depakote for him as he was acting aggressive and even violent towards staff. It seems to be helping and yet yesterday he became angry and aggressive but was calm as soon as he had his shower. It is part of the progression and it is sad to witness.
dont feel bad about putting your phone on Do Not Disturb at times. I had to do that before hospice was in place so I could have my evenings with my husband. I knew if it was an actual emergency they would leave a voicemail. Usually it was nothing urgent. My skin kept getting thicker as time went by
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DrCarol56 Aug 2019
Thank you. It just helps to know others experience the same.
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Unfortunately, your Mom is not in her right mind. She is not who she was.. It is hard to see someone you love become another person. Allow yourself to grieve and do your best to love her no matter how she behaves.
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DrCarol56 Aug 2019
Yes.....
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My sister who has Alzheimers went through the different moods - happy & nothing bothering her to accusing people of stealing things from her home! Another stage was a man looking in her window & her calling the police & having him arrested! Each time she would add more to her story!
In her mind it was very true & she was very upset!
Another time she would tell you about the deer in her yard
which was quite possible. ( she lived in the country) but she then would tell you she was outside patting one of the deer!
There are so many different stages of dementia that is so unique to each individual— not one person is the same! Some can be so angry ,some cry all the time, some just happy living in their own world! It is a very sad disease to have !
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DrCarol56 Aug 2019
Just when I think she is making something up - it is "kinda" true. Love....although it is difficult
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My mom's  Alzheimer's-caused mood swings could happen daily or hourly. She lived with us, and you never knew whom you'd be waking up to: a happy person, or not.  She also accused us of stealing  (the most ridiculous)  things from her,  like a cup of (decaf) coffee. That said, a family member was in a facility where some residents  did indeed come into her room and (unknowingly) tried to take things, right in front of our eyes. Their Alzheimer's-ridden brains didn't know any better. On the other side of the coin, Hubby went there 1 night to visit, and a woman (a resident) told him that she needed to get out of there. He calmly told her that he'd get someone to help her, which he did. Later that night, a neighbor's dog ran out to him as he was walking our dog, and he returned the neighbor's  (female)dog. He told me the night's events, and I told him that he rescued 2 damsels in distress that night. He said, "Yes, and all she wanted to do was role over on her back for me." I'm thinking, "I hope to God he's talking about the dog." I found that humor helps in dealing with Alzheimer's. I even wrote about our travails, "My Mother Has Alzheimer's and My Dog Has Tapeworms: A Caregiver's Tale." I tried not to take my mom's insults and outbursts personally, sometimes easier said than done.
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... and other residents might be entering her room and taking items. This is a common occurrence in nursing homes.
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Jannner Aug 2019
I don’t know about your area but at both my mother’s independent living and Alf the doors are always locked , for those who don’t remember to do it( ie my mother) a staff member comes to take them to meals etc and back and then locks and unlocks the door for them.
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It is for my mother ( vascular dementia). She’s been on a rant for 2 weeks, no UTI or discernible cause. Part is progression, part is her personality. She’s easily frustrated, angry and afraid due to her condition but she’s also never been at fault in her mind EVER so it’s everyone ,aka me , to blame. It’s odd how it comes and goes. Sometimes they hide it better than others. IE at a dr appointment although even then she’s been uncooperative lately.
It does baffle me though how she can be so out of it she can’t remember a phone call or appointment on her calendar yet can spin an entire rant on how it was our fault, she was totally innocent if all blame. The narcissist personality remains stronger than the dementia in that one lol.
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DrCarol56 Jul 2019
Your mother is my mother!!! TY!
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Seems to be.  One day, or even one hour, my mom is "okay" then there is a change all of a sudden.  It is a Dr. Jekyll-Mr. Hyde personality.  It doesn't get better, but I have seen that it depends on who is around.  When it is just me, she is a whiney baby.  When it is others, she is Superwoman.  When there are others and me, she never ceases to point out my faults to them.  Lucky me.
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DrCarol56 Aug 2019
Well lately I have been trying to kill her for her money. (Actually just trying to keep her money so she will have enough!) I do try to laugh about it. Maybe a book like rlynn123!!
Thank you
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Yes, I've seen this with my Mom too. She has been in Memory Care for about 3 months and usually seems pretty good. But I've noticed that she will take a dislike to some particular person and focus on that. Recently, when someone new moved in, she really did not like or trust her. She also said this woman had come in her room and stole things. She was even pushing a little table against the door so this person couldn't get in - a real no no for the nurses and aides! I figured this was just another phase of the dementia, a particularly difficult one as Mom is usually so docile and loving. But then - to my surprise - I noticed that some of her make up actually was missing! And I found a plastic bag of this woman's clothes in Mom's closet, pushed way back where Mom wouldn't have been able to reach. So - she really had been in Mom's room and doing things. My take away from that is that I shouldn't dismiss something that seems unreal. Mom might be exaggerating some but it sure seemed like there was some truth to her stories!
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lealonnie1 Jul 2019
The residents doors are kept locked at ALL times in my mother's Memory Care facility in order to prevent wandering and things you are describing from happening. Can you talk to the administration about that in your mom's place?
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Mood swings will Vary, Go with Mom's Flow.
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No doubt it can be part of the disease progression and it is something you should let her PCP know about but there can be explanations too at least for the sudden increase and then decrease of behavior. As pointed out sometimes someone is stealing or making themselves at home, maybe another patient thinks mom is her childhood friend, sometimes it's a UTI or other infection or medical issue, sometimes it's time for medication to help balance their brain chemistry and sometimes it's as simple as they aren't getting enough fluids. My mom has visitors (hallucinations), get's more easily confused, has a harder time expressing herself and following what is being said when she hasn't had enough water. It's a very fine line actually with mom and we can usually tell right away (kind of like UTI) but for sure when she tells us a stranger was in her room and we ask how much water she had that day or the day before she says "not as much as I should", at least she knows I guess! I don't mean to say this is the cause for your mom there may be several factors including the fact she is in relatively new surroundings (even though she is thriving most of the time it's still new) but it's not uncommon to find new care home residents aren't getting enough water and become dehydrated.
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The "mad behavior" can have several causes: medical, upset in her routine, not enough sleep or changes in her environment/caregivers/roommates... It's best to first talk to her regular caregivers to first see if there was a change that set off her "change". After ruling this out, let her PCP know about these outbursts so he/she can address them. It could be infection (tests and meds needed), lack of good sleep (sleeping meds), progression of her dementia or other medical issues. PCP will be able to get the issue properly evaluated. My Gram had problems when she visited us in Colorado - seizures, hallucinations, not recognizing people... it ended up that she could not oxygenate well at our higher altitudes. A little oxygen tank made a world of difference in 5 minutes.
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YES. Everyone with an aging parent has experienced this. We seem to expect normal behavior from people who no longer function normally. We just can’t accept the fact that dementia and related mental deterioration issues are affecting our loved ones. There are no cures; there is no panacea. It might get worse. It’s like a toddler or teenager, each stage brings its own set of behaviors and problems. The PCP has heard it all before. Just accept whatever is going on and “roll with it.” We would all like to fix it and have them return to normal behavior but it isn’t going to happen.
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lealonnie1 Jul 2019
Everyone with an aging parent does NOT experience these dementia type symptoms! Dementia is NOT a normal part of aging, it's a disease with a formal diagnosis & specific testing. We have to be careful not to chalk off certain odd behaviors as normal aging, and get our loved ones to the doctor for advice!!
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Yes. It is normal for someone with dementia. Paranoia can be a symptom of the disease. It is not, however, simply a part of aging, as was previously indicated.
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Yup, my mom's mood changes frequently and she ALWAYS thinks someone is coming in her room and stealing from her. Lately, she has taken to telling me that "they" make her go to other memory care locations and she has a difficult time getting a ride back. Occasionally, she has had to stay at those other locations where they have a bedroom that looks just like hers with all the same furniture. (Sigh)
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lealonnie1 Jul 2019
Unbelievable how the broken mind concocts such stories, isn't it? I always like to read about others' experiences so I can prepare myself for what may lie ahead with my own mother who suffers from dementia. Thanks for sharing
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This is part of the dementia. Mood swings, outbursts etc. My mom and dad both had their share of the mood swings. My dad was more controlled than my mom. They were both sick at the same time with the same disease and systems. Some days were great. we all chatted about anything and everything, laughed, told stories of younger days, memories I will never forget. Than the wacko moods would take over. mom was bedridden but dad I could help lift into his wheel chair and roll him in to see mom. there were times that I had them together and dad would say he didn't know who she was. mom would say that wasn't her husband, it was a man who wanted her body. dad would say I would never marry a woman who looked like her. they would go back and fourth. I would sit there and laugh so hard. even though they didn't know each other at that moment, they held hands throughout there whole time together. after both of them rambled on and on speaking over each other constantly, I would say it was time for dad to go back to his room, and dad would say ok I love you momma and mom would say I love you too papa, and it was nice chatting with you daddy. and away I would roll him.
Caregiving for both my parents was very hard but I will always have the wonderful moments with them forever in my heart.
dad passed away, and mom passed three weeks later.
I miss them so much.
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Silverbella10 Aug 2019
Lizzy,
It is a sad circumstance to witness but, thank you so much for sharing your story. It's really somewhat in it's own way amusing how one's brain changes in this very complex way.

You've made me laugh today. I needed that. I will, like you try to find the amusement in the day to day trials of care taking.

I understand that you miss your parents so I will try to make the most of my time with mom that I have left with her.
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YES! - this is part of the overall issue - when they can't actually see X, Y & Z then those items must have been stolen & most often it is the person they are closest too [& remember the best] who they blame - my mom thought it was me but I started to bring her a treat each visit so I went from 'stealer of goods' to 'bringer of treats' & she remembers the most recent so I was 'bringer of treats' in her mind

When I say treats it doesn't have to be much a few timbits, mug of 1/2 decaf & 1/2 hot chocolate, a plant with showy flowers but what ever it is it should be noticeable & YOU place them in her hand with 'I brought you something' said not just implied - it helps her feel loved & then being loved is being protected too - mom often liked it if I shared something with her so be aware that it adds to their enjoyment to share something [especially a food treat] with a loved one - I would also bring cute paper napkins to tart it all up .... hopes this helps
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The broken mind will have periods of lucidity and then a state of confusion.
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Maybe people are coming into her room and stealing from her. I used to work in a smallish facility that was initially psychiatric. For the money, they began mixing up psychiatric, memory-dementia, Parkinson's, etc.- wherever they could rake in the bucks. I worked the 10pm till 6 a shift. It was common for residents to get into others property. It was a constant struggle, and caused a lot of hostilities.
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Jannner Aug 2019
Lol reminded me of my father. At 80 he and another man his age actually got into a fist fight over whose milkshake was whose😂. Almost got himself kicked out of the facility 🙄
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Check her oxygen levels. This was happening to my mother and come to find out, she has 2 leaky heart valves, Afib, and was short on oxygen. The brain has to have sufficient oxygen to function properly. On Ebay you can order Pulse Oximeter Finger SpO2 Oxymeter Blood Oxygen Monitor for about 10 bucks. Or go to any medical supply store and purchase for about $25. Or get her to the doctor to check oxygen. Good Luck! It's rough I know...
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lealonnie1 Jul 2019
Oxygen levels can easily be tested by the RN or LPN at the Memory Care facility.
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First, if the facility is calling you at 7 am, something is probably wrong. They don't normally call if mother is 'acting up' or in a mood, only if she fell or they need to let you know of an illness, etc. I always take calls from my mother's Memory Care facility, 24/7. Do I want to? No, of course not, and every time I see that number pop up on my phone I get a stomach ache.

Your mother's mood swings are par for the course with dementia, BIG time. On certain days, my mother acts perfectly lucid; can carry on a conversation (from muscle memory, I'm sure) and have everyone thinking What is SHE Doing Here? On other days, she's out of it. She has no idea what day or time it is, and can't remember the simplest of details. Yet, she can remember a small incident of someone doing her 'wrong' from 50 years ago. The tiniest slight, in her mind, is memorized to the detail, and can be repeated and repeated and repeated. Just yesterday, she told me she feels so badly that I'M paying 'so much money' for her to live in Memory Care. She's known, up until yesterday, that SHE is paying for her own LTC and has been for the past 5 years. So, every day is brand new, and the disease shows up in new and ugly ways. Sometimes it's quiet and other times it's loud & foul. Mother's next door neighbor was confused the other day & knocking on her door by mistake. Well, my mother was going BALLISTIC and screaming at the top of her lungs GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE YOU CRAZY MORON. Instead of simply letting the poor woman know she lived 'there' and not 'here', mother had to make a huge scene & get the staff involved. She wound up not sleeping at all that night as a result of the drama she created during the day.

Another thing........my mother has what the experts call 'verbal agitation'; where she does the yelling & screaming, arguing vehemently about anything that is said to her, things like that. There are different ways dementia can be exhibited and 'agitation' is one way, and 'aggression' is another. She also cannot sit still in her wheelchair, and is in constant motion with it. Here is a definition:

Agitation is a general term to describe excessive physical movement and verbal activity. Agitation often develops in the middle stages of Alzheimer's disease and other types of dementia and can include restlessness, pacing, verbal aggression, combativeness, calling out and crying, and wandering.

If you Google agitation & aggression with dementia, lots of articles come up that are very enlightening. So again, even though my mother remains lucid a lot of the time, she is still exhibiting OTHER signs of dementia which might not be immediately recognized as such. It's a very tricky disease.

I seriously doubt if your mom is having things stolen from her at the Memory Care. It's always a possibility, but remember that these accusations are RAMPANT from the residents in such places. My mother used to insist she'd had things stolen from her when she was in the Assisted Living section of her place, but it was never true, not even once. Furthermore, they're not allowed to have anything of real value in their rooms ie: gold jewelry, etc., so what's to steal??? If someone is coming into her room, likely it's the staff who check on the residents once an hour, at least in my mom's Memory Care. Your mom is new there, so she likely doesn't recognize all the caregivers yet, so she's seeing strangers at her bedside. That's my 2 cents worth on the subject.

Anyway, sorry this went on so long! I just wanted to let you know about some of the odd ways dementia can present itself.......it's quite confusing really, isn't it? In any event, I wish you good luck & Godspeed with your mom, and I hope that she settles in well and remains calm for the most part.
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I have been dealing with Dementia with my father for eight years and I am in the end stages.
My advise about the money since I went through that many years ago.
Distract and say.... no , no, you are ok and tell her she is safe and who you are.
Don’t try to explain, just tell her you are ok. It worked for me.
If you have any other questions feel free to reach out.
Its a very hard thing to deal with.
I have my Dad with me at home. I pray for peace for you.
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I'd say very normal progression of dementia.

Grandpa suffered from dementia and Grandma lovingly cared for him at home until the point he became violent towards her. He lasted only a couple of weeks in a NH. The violence (SO out of character for him!) was the turning point.
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