Eating all the wrong food. Any thoughts?

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Eating all the wrong food. Any thoughts?

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My husband has always had a severe sugar addiction, which I knew down the line could cause serious health issues and here we are. Dementia. Hardly able to walk (he is/was a Triathlete: Escape From Alcatraz swimmer and all that, climbed Kilimanjaro, motorcycles (2), the whole 9 yards), not able to drive, and we gave his son all the power tools, as, being an excellent carpenter, contractor, design/build business of his own, he cannot handle any of that anymore. So he eats. And eats sugar. Toast and jam, 1/2 loaf a day...last night he made a box of jello for dinner as I was alongside him making our nightly meal, salad and seafood with produce from the garden, and this morning I see from the dishes that he ate all 4 bowls that he made last night. And put them in the dishwasher and ran the dishwasher. Do I just stop buying sugar foods? He is reliant on me for everything, he is 77 - and I am 61. I am trying to keep him healthy and he says he would rather eat sugar and live a shorter life. I'm so depressed to see him deteriorate like this, but at this point in his life I just want him to be happy. Dementia is no fun, so sugar is his drug of choice. Please share your thoughts and expertise!! Thank you in advance. I read these emails every day and this group is helping me every day.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Care Decisions Diet & Nutrition

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yes, stop buying the unhealthy stuff. Keep it out of the house.

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I have heard of people who were confined to a hospital for mental illness who consumed loads of sugar packets. Desperate people go to great lengths to obtain sugar.

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I am really shocked that nobody is worried about his sugar intake. Doesnt he get sugar jitters? It doesnt make him anxious or aggressive? Doesnt the sugar keep him up at night? Doesnt eating just sugar make him feel awful? Isnt this just slow suicide by food?

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I wonder if there is another angle here. As a reformed sugar hound of many decades, I know that boredom is the next stop away from falling into the candy dish. Your husband has had to give up several meaningful activities like using his power tools, etc. I know that dementia limits what people can do, but is there any activity that your husband might enjoy that would take his mind off of food?

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He is addicted to sugar and he'll no doubt go to great lengths to get it. So like an alcoholic or a user of nicotine, he'll move the "literal heaven and earth" to get it. It's your job to lock away all these sweets. Prayers to you.

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Part of dementia and old age is that sense of taste changes. Sweet flavors tend to be the last to go and are more enjoyable. What abot fresh fruit cut up in the fridge for easy access. If your worried he eats too much bread and jelly in one sitting try breaking the loaf up in quarters, wrap 3 parts up and freeze, leave 1/4 loaf where you normally do, it may help to control part of the problem. They also make low sugar preserves which taste very good. MIL prefers it says it has a better taste. Will he use honey in his tea instead of sugar? Still has sweet flavor but a bit better for him. I don't like using artificial sweeteners but that's a personal choice. I don't cook with margarine either, unsalted butter. Sliced carrots with dip? Carrots have a natural sweet taste to them. I make a chopped cooked apple, cinnamon, honey raisin/craisin mixture for adding to oatmeal. I also found a pancake syrup that has a bit lower sugar content (I need to watch her sodium intake more than her sugar) also only 25 mg of sodium compared to 120 for regular table syrup. Michelle's maple creme I believe it's called. Don't know how it tastes but I have seen sugar free ice cream. Not an easy situation, you want to keep them healthy yet you can't take all the fun stuff away either. Check out KETO dessert recipes, no carbs but still satisfies a sweet tooth. Individual dark chocolate bites? Only put a few out at a time. Be very careful with sugar free candy, it will have a laxative effect if too many are eaten during the day.

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There are very good recipes for treats on the jorge cruz website and in his books.... Best of luck to you....i am addicted to cocacola....just had to go cold turkey and i would equate that to dt’s from withdrawal from alcohol. It is awful!!
very good suggestions you made!

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As I mentioned in my previous post I have such mixed feelings about this . My husband’s issue is not necessarily cravings but I don’t think he’s cognitive any more of how to manage his diabetes . I also know that our taste buds are affected as we age so I’m sure this plays a part as well . Then I remember my dear mother who was on the heavy side but lived to age 95 and was sharp as a tac until the end . She was told for years to watch her sugar and salt but never did . When asked her secret to old age she would answer hot dogs and chocolate . My Dad , on the other hand exercised before the rest of the world did, took the stairs and never an elevator and could eat one peanut then stop . He died at 68 of colon cancer so what to do , what to do . My DH has so little pleasures in life anymore that sometimes I think at 77 stop nagging . When I cook something that takes a lot of skill and has lots of veggies he says he’s not hungry . When I make chicken tenders ( whole wheat panko and olive oil so you see I still try ) and French fries he grins and says best meal ever . Do any of us as caregivers have all the answers ? I know the doctors sure don’t . We plod along doing the best we can and second guess ourselves constantly .

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I am so sorry to read all these posts from caregivers who know they must limit foods their loved ones want to eat. With me, I am constantly policing the peanuts that my dad wants. He has severe congestive heart failure, so he is supposed to have only a few grams of salt per day. I cleared with his doctor to mix lightly salted peanuts with unsalted, and I keep them labeled in a jar. But he goes through them so quickly! In no time he's asking me to come back and to premix him more.

Is it possible that all these posts we're reading here are food kicks? It seems almost like a toddler who will only eat one thing for weeks at a time.

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O my god i think i better start questioning myself!! The comment on eating one food for months is exactly what i do, but mostly its with veggies or some other food! I thought i was the only one who dod that as an adult!!

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I haven't read all of the answers to your questions yet, but can you try things like sugar free jello and sugar free jam? I do understand that his condition isn't going to get better but I would worry about diabetes. Having an another health issue is something that you or him don't need.

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I have a mother with dementia and a serious sweet tooth, so I know what you're dealing with.

Part of me wants to suggest that you buy several desserts for him that are "sugar free" and take them out of the packaging so he can't tell and see if he notices. Jello can be purchased sugar free and then you could put some berries in it ...

The other part of me wants to suggest letting him do what he wants. With the dementia he has a very limited life and if this brings him pleasure, so be it. I watched my MIL limit what my FIL ate because she didn't want him to have high cholesterol and I remember thinking...he has dementia and can't do anything..he has zero quality of life. If he wants a steak, for the love of Christ give him a steak!

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Sugar is the poison here.

even people with non-dementia are addicted to it.

a great many studies have been done of the last 50 years. Brain scans of people eating sugar look exactly like the brain scan of people using heroin.

there is sugar in every prepackaged food you buy, even worse...high fructose. Which is hundreds of times worse. The food manufacturers know all about those studies.....

there is only one way to break an addiction that is triggering the endorphins in the brain...cold turkey. Nothing else works.

i wonder if he or you can withstand the 2 week period to kick this? He doesn’t want to...I am guessing you are not going to force this either.

remember too..he has had 50 or more years to pile damage on damage thru sugar use...you cannot correct it all in a short time. So, is it worth the pain and agony to drag an unwilling man thru withdrawal now?

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I agree with you on withdrawing from sugar. It is horrible to go through that. Just been thru the this. Right now i want a Coke so bad i would give up food for 2 weeks....and i really hate saying this. But its the truth. Sugar addiction is real and it is so bad for us.

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If you have already discussed this with him and his answer was that he had rather have what he wants (sweets) than live a longer life, why not just let him eat what he wants and be happy if he has dementia anyway. My grandmother filled her grocery cart with little cakes and ice cream and candy and she was 83 and had diabetes and got a shot in her leg every day in the 90’s. Mom talked to her doctor and she was also having dementia episodes. Doctor said not to deprive her of any happiness she was getting at her age and health. She died at 87 years old (we should all be that lucky). Same thing with my Dad. He loved his sweets and also a Big Mac. He lived to be 89 and died in 2016. He did not have dementia but had heart issues. We let him eat anything he wanted. Why deprive them in their last years of something so important to them if they have been warned?? They made their choices. Having to sneak to eat what you want and feel like you are being judged is like being in prison and not fair to aging adults. I hope this helps. Let him be happy. It is not easy to be quiet. I know what you are seeing and feeling but it is what it is.

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These are all great ideas on allowing him sweet foods, but making sure they are good sweet foods. I think it's a good idea for all of us to restrict our consumption of refined sugars--but there are so many sweet, delicious whole foods that contain fibers, nutrients, and protein too. Dried mangoes are sweet and tangy. Dried papaya is great for digestion. Dried dates can be topped with peanut butter for a very delicious and protein rich snack. Maybe see how he likes a few of these?

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Jamison, I had the same issue when my father came to live with me. He wanted sweet things & bread. I found out his favorite flavors. His favorites were lime, chocolate, and strawberry. I developed healthy shakes with these flavors. Look at my profile for the other ingredients that I put in the shakes. My father has excellent numbers. Just today, he is on his sixth 8 oz drink. A dessert that I fix for him includes 2 boxes of lime jello, 1 quart of lime sherbet, and a tub of fat free whipped topping. Put in blender, then refrigerator. If there is a concern about sugar, fake sugar, etc. Use plain gelatin with lime juice, stevia, etc. You can still have "sweets", just change a few ingredients. A great afternoon snack is, Ritz crackers with Peanut butter on them.

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Stopping the sugar is a big problem. How about fixing him some sugar free desserts sweetened with stevia or coconut sugar or monk fruit. Does he go with you when you buy grocieries? If not, you can control how much sugary items come through your door. Perhaps not buying the sugar laden stuff in the first place.

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Sugar-free does not work for me. Unless it has improved a great deal, my body does not feel the satisfaction and then I’m on the hunt for the real thing.

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I wish I knew the answer since I’m having a food dilemma as well . I’m fluctuating constantly between policing and giving up . My husband is a type 2 diabetic and before his AD controlled it beautifully on his own . He does take Metformin as well . For awhile , at the beginning we partnered beautifully on his diet . Now ? Forget it . The Dr has said it’s up to me now and believe me I know it but easier said than done . I restrict what I bring in but even whole grain and whole wheat products have carbs and he doesn’t know when to stop . His appetite is nil as well unless he is eating what he now likes which is everything that is not good for him . But, as others have said , he needs to eat .
So as I said before , no answers just a day when I say no battles and we have a good day or a day when I police him and then I feel like I need an ice cream sundae with a big goblet of wine when he goes up to bed .I also find that even his doctors that have known him for years just don’t get this disease and the battles we fight every day.
Thanks tho for your question since this is a rant I’ve needed to do for months .

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Isthisrealyreal kind of said it all.

Sugar-fixations are and have been very common with the elderly. I remember hearing about them back in the 1970's and it was not a new concept even then.

The elderly find it easier to eat a bag of cookies than to cook even a TV-Dinner. Heck, even I will grab a jar of peanut butter instead of cooking sometimes.

As Isthisrealyreal stated, you must learn to pick your battles. Any foods are better than no foods. Have you tried incorporating Nutritional Shakes into his diet? At least then you have a better chance of his getting his nutritional needs met. I did it by making my DH hot cocoa and using the Ensure Plus as the base for it. It kept him reasonably healthy for over a year when he started refusing foods.

When my DH passed last year, the same nutritional shakes kept me alive until I too was ready to return to real foods.

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One of the challenges with a sugar filled diet is the constant hunger. Not enough fiber in those foods so we are looking to fill the void.

Can you make the jello for him and add fresh fruit, nuts, shredded veggies? This would give him his sugar fix and let you know that he is getting some nutrition with it.

I would avoid artificial sweeteners, they have been proven to be neurotoxins. Any benefit of reducing sugar is cancelled out and then some.

You can use whole sugar (the kind that has all the nutrients left in it, it is dark brown and delicious), molasses, maple sugar, raw honey and fruits to sweeten things without filling up with white sugar.

I would also look at ingredients and avoid as much high fructose corn syrup as possible. It is killing our gut health and it is all gmo with a side of round up.

Be creative and get those fibers and nutrients into his sweet treats. You will see that he doesn't just eat the entire thing because he will feel more sated.

Real sugar coke with lime jello and fresh fruits and walnuts is crazy good and a well balanced meal. I know it sounds gross, but it is one of those recipes that shocks you.

You have to learn to pick your battles with dementia, no reasoning with a broken brain. Find ways to meet both of your desires. Honestly, I would not want to have a long life if I was losing my mind. Maybe he feels the same way.

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The coke wth lime jello and walnuts sounds just exactly what i would eat!! I did purchase Swerve, a sugar replacement, and even i can use that! It looks and tastes like real sugar with zero carbs! It measures like real sugar and is made from flowers and plants...

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Stopping the sugar may not help the dementia. It probably will help keep his body healthier. You don't mention if he has a blood sugar problem. Does he have diabetes? With dementia, it might be kindest to let him enjoy himself. I've noticed that seniors often get on sugar kicks when they are declining. You could stop having sugary foods around and see if he misses them. Or switch to the sugar free foods using stevia or other sweeteners. Good luck to you and try to stay strong for both of you.

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Don't think I have an answer. Big age difference with my mom with dementia who is now 97 and was confirmed to have it 3-4 years ago...I take it a day at a time or try to and don't keep track. She is still functional in many ways. Her eating habits leave lots to be desired...but the way I look at it, she's made it to 97 and any time lab work is done she's healthy. Only med she takes is half a BP pill. And a vitamin and calcium supplement. Dad is the one bringing sweets and snacks in; she grazes. Is she hungry? Who knows...but she doesn't eat it all consistently. I have caught her gazing (hmm gazing and grazing, a new syndrome?) into the fridge and she will poke around with her dirty little hands and take things out. NEVER puts anything BACK so leaves things that can spoil on the counter. She pigs out on some healthy stuff...olives (black and green). Fruit that may be cut up. Grapes...she stands at the counter eating and then will spit the skins or center part in the sink. Dementia sucks and we're going to lose these people at some point anyhow. Is it worth the grief of the hassle of stopping it? Not to me. As I told my father (which he at 102 took the wrong way I might add) "it hasn't killed her yet." And HE is the one bringing the stuff in. I just think that if it were me, I'd want to be left the hell alone to eat what I want too.

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All you can really do is at thi Point, Being he is Like this, Is try and cook something he Might like that is healthy. Other than That, Not seeing any changes Here, dear, He Has Lived this Long, Although Demetia has set in, He is till Going it...

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My husband has early onset Alzheimer’s and was always a very healthy eater, worked out daily, non-smoker, etc. As the dementia progressed, he wanted sweets. I was told that it was a taste they still could enjoy. I went with the let him enjoy it school of thought. He did have a good appetite for regular meals and we did walk for exercise, but I figured that trip to get an ice cream cone or cake for dessert was giving him pleasure and I wanted him to have a happy life. He’s now in late stage and confined to a Broda chair or bed. Iced coffee, ice cream, and chocolate still give him pleasure and for me that’s what it’s all about. There is no happy ending with this disease, so why not do things you enjoy while you can. At least that is my philosophy.

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I used to live with someone who had hyperglycemia.. The Dr told me it could turn into diabetes and to start buying sugar free foods, cakes pies, jello, everything. So I did and he seemed to like it ok. Once I had to go down to dunkin donuts and grab a bag of donuts out of his hands, you should have seen the look on his face. Keeping an eye on somebodys habits is not easy.

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I think I can imagine that look. If some significant other, husb, wife, sibling or grown child, grabbed a bag of donuts out of my hands... there would be more than a look on my face to contend with! Buy fresh fruit (which by the way, is never truly "sugar free" ...no human food is.) and other healthful, low sugar but flavorful food. Keeping "an eye" on somebody's habits is one thing, Trying to force changes against their will is something else and usually leads to trouble, Hypoglycemia is a common and potentially dangerous health problem. Ask the doctor or clinic for some diabetes education materials. There are also free classes in most communities. Take advantage of them.

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i was told as we age we lose tastebuds That is one of the reasons many seniors want sugar because they can taste the sweetness more than regular food.
My mother 94/Dementia eats so much junk food, I don’t like it but food has become her reason for life.

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My mother subsisted on Reese’s Peanut Butter cups her last year as we could barely get her to eat anything else. After my sister passed, she lost the will to live.

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It IS depressing to watch our LOs we are caring for deteriorating before our very eyes, with a lot of the reason being their bad choices.

But, not sure how far you want to go with this. Is it worth making it a hill to die on? If you cut his sugar out, he'll probably be very angry. I totally understand wanting to keep him from eating sugar and I would be verrry tempted to do so if it were me. He has dementia - does he really understand the implications of trading sugar for a shorter life?

I'm wondering similar things about my mom. A bit different, but for me, it's does she understand that moving less is going to increase her pain and decrease her mobility? But, unfortunately, I can't force her to make the right choice and do the freakin PT. So, I'm forced to watch her decline as she sits around and is going to make her world smaller and smaller, etc.

She is also a sugarholic. And VERY overweight. Both very bad for her. She says sugar is her drug. Makes me crazy. I provide high quality meals that are low carb, organic, etc. She gets sugar when she is out and if my husband brings crap home. I don't provide it but I KNOW she gets it and plenty of it. I feel somewhat good that she is at least getting lots of good stuff too.

Oy, this eldercare thing is not for the faint of heart!

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Trading sugar for a shorter life with dementia? What quality of life are we talking about? How much shorter will his life be? It isn't like he is a healthy 20 year old. If sugar gives him pleasure in the few short years he has left, let him do it. I really don't understand keeping someone's body alive and unhappy when the mind has gone. I really don't understand that line of thinking.

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I know that "sugar" is the popular villain nowadays and maybe justifiably. But every cell in the body requires glucose to live. In fact, every food we humans eat turns into sugar (glucose) eventually, or it is useless for nutrition. I'm not an expert, nor specialist, but I believe this to be biological fact, and I have spent many years working and studying in the health field. The list of "ose" substances (i.e. sugars) is so long and varied that legitimate researchers, and food product sales people alike, should have enough material to last them until the year 2099 at least. Oooops! Sorry. I forgot, we won't be here more than 12 more years!

I remember how, in the early 1950s my parents were told that my 85 year old grandmother should be denied puffed rice cereal with half and half cream and spoonfuls of sugar (which is all she would eat on some days). Such meals were going to kill her, said the doctor. They did kill her. She lived only 5 more years!

I know some readers will find my tongue-in-cheek words offensive, uncaring, unscientific. I apologize if they come across that way. Please don't be offended. I'm already past 77 and can, in some ways, sympathize with Jamisons husband, who apparently relished more than a little risk in his life. And what a wonderfully exciting and productive life it has been. Okay, his diet is a risk he's not willing to give up. ( I know that someday, somebody, will have to pry a Snickers bar from my cold dead hands). If hubby can make jello and operate the dishwasher he's a long ways from Alzheimers.

You may be just strengthening his resistance by making such an issue over diet. You obviously love him a lot. Tell him so. Hug him . Do things together. Give him healthy foods when he will eat them, but when he won't....change your focus. Pick your battles. You can still take good care of yourself and I hope you will. Your husband is a lucky man to have such a caring wife.

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Love your answer!

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MidKid,

Hahaha! Your posts are always so honest. I love that. I relate most to ‘no nonsense’ direct people who don’t beat around the bush or ‘sugar coat’ anything. I don’t even put sugar in my coffee or tea! I like coffee to taste like coffee and tea to taste like tea. Why alter it?

I think you should write a book with the little stories about your hubby during your treatment. You’re quite good at expressing the situation and bring a few chuckles to the table every time.

I think it would actually be therapeutic for others in your situation because their husbands are probably the same. They would know that they aren’t alone. Not to mention it would be so damn entertaining!

Let’s face it. Men are wired differently! I have a great husband but we certainly don’t see eye to eye on everything. That’s impossible.

I do like that we agree to disagree when necessary. We each have a right to our own opinions.

Mid, your husband sounds like mine. He has a sweet tooth that goes down to his toes! When we dine out he looks at the sweets on the menu first, then plans accordingly.

The only difference is he was a track runner when I met him and had an extremely lean, muscular body. He still does. He’s still active and very trim and fit. Neither of us ‘live to eat.’ We ‘eat to live.’

I adore your outlook, not just about your ideas on the forum but in your personal life in day to day situations or in very trying times.

I look to certain people for inspiration and look forward to knowing that I will be uplifted and laugh and you are among that list. Laughter is good for the soul and God knows we have all done our share of crying. I cry if I need to but I never want to forget how to laugh. It’s too dark of a place. So thanks for bringing us joy and laughter in the midst of very serious topics. I appreciate it so much.

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So true!!

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My DH had type II diabetes and rather than get out of bed and get moving and lose the 75 lbs around his gut---he chose to take Metformin and eat as much of what he wanted of whatever he wanted. He ALSO said he'd rather die happy than give up carbs. (The Metformin gave him raging---and I mean RAGING diarrhea all the time--we couldn't go anywhere w/o a complete change of clothes--and he was only 60 years old--it was so gross. He smelled like poop a lot of the time and I had to ask him to please shower before climbing in to bed. No wonder our imitate life died out completely--he chose sugar over sex!)

FF a few years and he has 2 massive heart attacks. It was all related, the weight, the immobility, AND totally occluded arteries. 2 procedures to place stents and he was a 'new man'.

He was SHOCKED into losing the 70 lbs and changing his lifestyle and eating. The diabetes no longer required Metformin, but he still gets 'sick' when he eats a lot of carbs. He quit sugary soda and the 4-5 bowls of cereal that started every day. He's so much better. He doesn't watch his carb intake and I have to really cook differently, as he has zero self control and admits it.

I do not buy sugary things. Even carby things. He went to Costco the other night and bought a giant bag of tortilla chips, and 3 huge bags of candy. I gave the candy away and told him that since I was not canning salsa (he LOVES my homemade salsa!) he better enjoy that last bag of chips and the last few jars of salsa.

Salsa is gone, he picked the last of the garden last night and brought it in with much fanfare and said he was SURE there was enough for 2 batches of salsa. I told him to have a nice Saturday, I'd walk him through the process--only take 6 hrs from start to finish..) he really tried to get me to agree to make the salsa--and I won't bow. (I have cancer and the chemo has left me with zero strength and endurance. It is what it is.)

My point, lost in the fog of where my brain was, is you CANNOT change him. My DH will go out and get a milkshake or something---effectively ruining that days' sugar intake. He is better and he DOES check his A1c and its' been OK. I cook healthily, I gave up trying to have any control over his diet. He does not care.

He will eat sugar free jello if there is a good size glob of 'real' whipped cream on it. I always have fresh fruit on hand and since he doesn't love fruit, he will be self limiting on that. Few carbs--a couple weeks ago I baked cookies for neighbors and he came home from work as I was delivering these and he ate a DOZEN chocolate chip cookies. They were on a plate and wrapped, so he KNEW they weren't for him (I had set aside 4 he could have over the course of the evening) He ate those first, then just plowed through the dozen with about 24 oz of milk.

No dinner for him.

Sorry overlong point--but showing you that you have less control than you think. My Dh actually told his cardiologist that he was obese because I am 'too good a cook'. Dr said that was the first time he'd ever heard that.

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My mother is 94 and is now bedridden with dementia. Her diet consists mainly of "sweet stuff." That's one thing she still enjoys and she will say "that's sooo good" and has a very pleasant look on her face. She will eat some veggies too but I never get the same reaction as when she eats the sweets. I like to see her happy so if sweets do the trick that's OK with me. Best of luck to you

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This is a tangent from the topic, but I find it incredibly interesting and I hope others will too - it's on the sweeteners/gut health point.

Just checked: "Somewhere between 300 and 1000 different species [of bacteria] live in the gut, with most estimates at about 500. However, it is probable that 99% of the bacteria come from about 30 or 40 species, with Faecalibacterium prausnitzii being the most common species in healthy adults."

The piece of research I was listening to was about certain of these species being wiped out by common sweeteners. Each one of these species plays its special part in your digestion. Each type lives on particular compounds, and in digesting its diet it contributes to yours. So if one little element in the process breaks down, what happens to the process?

The main point of all this is that we don't know enough. You'd have to check not just what the sweeteners do to those 500-odd different species individually, but what happens in combination and in various contexts.

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Eating all the wrong food. Any thoughts?

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