My dad is like a little kid! This morning I had a class to go to for my concealed handgun license. I left him his meds, breakfast and a note telling him where I was going and to please not go anywhere while I am gone. This has worked in the past. I locked the gate behind me.
During the class I get a phone call from my wonderful neighbor informing me that Dad had been walking down the road. She asked him a few questions and then helped him get back into the yard through the secured gate. He asked her how she did it. (he has dementia and his thought process is deteriorated). I left my class and came home to get him and then returned with him to finish up. He would not admit to have climbed through fences. He told me he had slept all morning. When I mentioned the neighbor calling me and telling me the entire story, he wouldn't go on except to admit he had climbed through the fence (he is 83).
So now, I can't just secure the gate! This makes working out at the gym for a few hours or running errands very difficult indeed! I don't want to take him everywhere I go because everything time wise is multiplied by 5 if you know what I mean! ie; getting shoes on, using the bathroom, getting in and out of the car, walking to and from the car, etc etc. I think I am going to go bonkers if I can't step out without him once in awhile!
Thanks for listening!
May I vent with you? My husband (lbd, 85) understands his limitations. His attitude is very cooperative. He is willing to continue watching sports or reading mail while I run out briefly. In a good period he keeps all this in mind and there is no problem. But his disease is characterized by fluctuations. I may leave him during a good period and he may have a cognitive decline while I'm gone. I know he is not being defiant if he starts up some project I wouldn't approve of or if he decides to leave the house -- he just suddenly can't remember the agreement he made.
Arrrrrgh!
I don't think my dad understands his limitations sometimes either. He wants to ride a bike, drive etc. He calls his sisters and tells them stuff and then they tell me what he said. It is rather cute. They tell him driving isn't a good idea because he might get turned around and so forth. I have been trying some of the ideas others have suggested and they seem to work except for him climbing through fences! And these fences are difficult for me to get through! haha, what else can I do but laugh?
I wish we lived close where we could have 'play days' and take turns getting out while our spouses/parents could be together? What a great idea! I wonder how to start one of those...hmmm
Call your local Agency on Aging for more information on how to secure your home with for a family member who has dementia. You may also want to look into care homes that deal with this kind of resident and has special security systems in place just in case you decide caring for him at home is no longer an option. It may come to that and at least you are one step ahead if the time comes.
Best to you and your dad.
We live way out in the country so finding a sitter is extremely difficult. When we go into town, Dad wonders how long it's going to take....what's next....his back hurts....he wants to lay down.....doesn't like my radio...doesn't want to go into the store and at church doesn't want to stay for Sunday school ( I love SS) Anyway, he wants to go back home when I still have several things that need to be done.
The other day I had to go to the Motor Vehicles for a handicap sticker. The room was packed with no seating, that would have left him in the hot car for most likely an hour (plus him sitting that long would have been murder). If I leave the car running, someone (even him) could drive off with it. It is situations like this that cause me to pull my hair out. I have to go back another day.
If she gate is locked he'll climb the fence (God bless him!); and if the neighbors rat him out he'll deny it. ... In a nutshell, when the cat's away he turns into Diego the Explorer. Can't expect him to be cooped up all day. He needs to release that energy and relieve some of that ennui; just like you work out at the gym and take breaks every now and then.
Also, don't expect your neighbors to tell you the truth all the time. If they're homebodies, some will stretch things a bit because they need some drama to function. Still, you want to address his "escapades" by turning them into Q&A memory exercises. "What did you do all day?," "Is there someplace you'd like to go? ... Why?," etc.. Keep him talking ... and walking.
What I do when I am with her include the following:
-Take her with me for short outings to see local doctors. (I finally had to see a couple in her city because I couldn't get to mine here.) She sits in the waiting room in her wheel chair if I know that she will be monitored and happy (loves the fish tank). She goes in with me if the expected discussion will not alarm her about my health (she worries about who will take care of her if I should die). After the appointment, I take her somewhere for lunch. Then I can make just ONE more stop--get gas or drive thru at the bank or drop off cleaning--something short--before going home. This all still takes much longer because of her dementia and disability. We are both exhausted when we get home. We both take a nap.
-Abuse friendships when someone comes to visit mama by running out to get groceries or just to get away. I know how long they usually stay, so I am back in plenty of time, but I don't really stay long enough to visit with them. Fortunately, they understand.
-Accept any offer of friend or family to come mama-sit. I have learned the hard way to keep a pile of errand-y things where I can pick them up with little notice and skedaddle. I never have enough time to get much done. These offers are erratic (they have lives too) and limited in time. Still, it helps to get some things off of my list.
-Promise a chicken sandwich on my return. This is only good for urgent errands that border on "emergencies." Mama is, however, remarkably calm when a chicken sandwich is in the near future.
When I get back from this trip I will try again to find a regular mama-sitter, this time through an agency. It will cost more than "friend of a friend," but the worry about mama giving away her things or losing her money will be reduced (I think) with bonded sitters. Once a week for four hours doesn't allow for much, but it will whittle away at my most urgent list and give me a little break. (Yes, I always start with lunch by myself at some place where they do not serve chicken fingers.)