I travel frequently for work and pleasure. I recently moved my mom from her home several states away to a wonderful assisted living home near me.
Recently while I was away Mom's phone died on a Saturday. I submitted an on-line request for a repair but it took the phone company until Thursday to repair it. She couldn't call he phone company because they make you do everything on-line, so she wasn't reassured. She could use the phone in the office and of course they would have helped her in an emergency but she was in a panic and felt abandoned. Now she's more clingy than ever.
How can I reassure her that in an emergency the staff would have acted with greater urgency as the situation would have required? She isn't abandoned at all. She insists I don't understand and while they're nice people they can't be counted on.
First of all, it's really great that you have done the work (and it's not easy) to get your mom moved several states to AL closer to you. If this move is very recent, it could be that she is still adjusting and frightened and you are the only one she knows. Perhaps the AL has a "buddy" system for the new residents, someone who will save her a seat at lunch, remind her about the sign up sheet for the weekly grocery/shopping/outing trip, the "Susie, I'm going to the beauty shop want to come?" type. They had this at my mom's IL and for their AL section too.
But perhaps you mom's cognitive state is not what it seems to be. Was she still living at her home of decades before? This can mask alot of problems as they can control things in their home & can seem capable but cannot really function once moved. Does she really understand what AL is/does, what the button on her wrist is for, that they check in on her on a regular basis and what that means?
With my mom, she fell at least 3 times from a dizzy spell when she went to get clothes out of her closet and even though the emergency cord pull was right there
and she was wearing the emergency pendant, she could not mentally process that she could pull the cord for help and also that she needed help and could ask.
Your mom's AL sounds like a good place, they did what they should have once they found out about a problem.
My gut feeling is that there may be some larger issues for you as to your mom's health. What is her health like - both physical and mental? What was it that got you to the tipping point of moving her to AL?
Was you mom evaluated for dementia? If not perhaps you could have your mom evaluated. It would be helpful for you, her AL and for mom.
Dementia is just so unique. None of the symptoms happen overnight or all at the same time. A lot of what happens depends on what type of dementia. My experience is that getting them evaluated by a gerontolgist MD makes a huge difference in deciding the best care. Having a baseline Folstein/MMSE done & repeated is really helpful to be realistic about what careplan to take. Same with scan on brain shrinkage. After my mom's last fall in her IL, she had a MMSE done - she had gone from a 25/26 to a 12. So she went from IL to LTC/NH. She has Lewy Body Dementia, which seems to be more episodic for problems.
If your mom is still on the young and vibrant side you could forego the Folstein and do a MiniCog on your own – I got my son to do it with my mom, as she thought of it as a game he played with her. Also he has alot more patience that I do!
Good Luck and let us know what happens.
You travel. Your mother cannot depend on your constant presence or even that you will always be nearby or available. That is, perhaps, sad for her, but it is also fact.
Does your mother need more care than assisted living?
I'm not sure what Austin would have you make a big stink about. What should the AL have done that they did not do?
I guess I'm missing a piece to this puzzle.
My Mom, too, tends to panic when she knows her family is out of town. She also has "sundowner's" episodes that cause her panic attacks in the evening. We all do what we can for her, but it isn't humanly possible for anyone to live someone else's life for them.
I can understand her fear in not being able to dial out on her phone - it is her lifeline to the outside world. But it wasn't the ALF's responsibility to repair her phone. Your Mom is just using this incident to add to her fears.
When my Mom is having a panic attack she cannot articulate what she wants so it is difficult for me to "fix it." I would suggest that you help your Mom through these episodes by listening but do not try to remedy the situation until she is calmer and can tell you what is really bothering her. It may be as simple as getting more help for her or asking the staff to make some changes in her care. Also, if your Mom is isolating herself at the ALF, she needs to get more involved with activities or outings. If she just sits in her room alone all day, there is not much to occupy her mind.
good luck.
When my mom was in IL, there was a computer zone on each floor for the residents and guests. It was set up adjacent to the card tables, which were used three times a week for set card games. Other than family teens and tweens using it on visits to gran, there was only 2 residents out of 25 apts who used it on her floor. None of the others had computers in their apts either.I'm not sure how realistic it would be to give an AL resident a ipad.
Lilliput, I certainly sympathize with people who experience sundowner's and their caregivers. I experienced something very similar about 6 weeks postpartum. It took several months to not have these evening attacks of panic. They would start about an hour before sunset and then last until an hour or so after sunset. It was as if I did not want the dark to come. I am usually such a night owl, too. I remember once during this time the electricity was out from about 1 AM to 3 AM and I could not stand it even though I should have been asleep at this time and would not have noticed otherwise.
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