I work very hard at making certain she is still my mother, but I have to make good decisions for her just like she had to for me at times. Does anyone else experience this? I am working toward a peaceful relationship as much as possible with my mother and look forward to hearing your advice and experiences.I have been ill and know that eliminating as much stress as possible is important in order to be a healthy caregiver.?
Just like she had to do what she had to do when you were in need as a child. period. Getting old stinks, I know.
35 years of teaching and feel old sometimes even though I am 56. My mother tries to be as active as she can, but she is beginning to show a need to slow down some and think things through due a traumatic brain injury. I am her next to the youngest child and the youngest girl. We have been close ,but I have not been afraid to stand up to her like the rest of her children. I want to create a relationship that is fun for both of us no matter what the health issues are. Thank you for your answer.
I understand your concern about being patronizing.
My beloved husband is seven years into Alzheimer's with Aphasia, and now needs help with his personal care. I always to treat him with respect, and make suggestions to him calmly, as if for the first time.
If I am overtired, I can be crabby, but I always apologize right away. He always accepts the apology.
I regularly let him know how much I love him, and I thank him for letting me be with him and for trusting me to care for him. I encourage him to be successful in his tasks, whether dressing himself or toileting, or folding laundry or handling his silverware at the table
The other day after multiple pairs of wet pants, I asked if he would please put on some Depends so that if he had trouble getting to the bathroom at least the outer pants would stay dry. I showed him how they worked and I explained that I used pads sometimes too. He understood and he agreed.
A few minutes later he began a conversation which touched my heart. In halting words, he thanked me, and our caregivers, for caring for him in such a way as to allow him his dignity. He thanked me for my patience and for doing all this personal care for him so graciously. We both had tears in our eyes.
My husband was a great teacher, who had the understanding and ability to convey his subject to each of his students. I have learned so much from him, and hope that now I can help him to get through this chapter of his life.
An example is my mom kept wearing the same old ratty sweater every day. I tried to get my dad to help her find something else, but she can be very stubborn and I don't think it's worth the "fight" as far as he's concerned. When her birthday came along, I bought her a new sweater which she said was beautiful, but then she was back to wearing the old one because she didn't want to get the new one dirty! When she came to visit on Christmas, I had another new sweater for her in a color I knew she would like. This time, when she tried it on I was able to put the old one aside where she forgot about it. Much to my surprise, she is now wearing both the new sweaters!
Just do the best you can. Be understanding (it can be difficult) and try to guide your parent. It's easier said than done sometimes, but you'll be surprised at how creative you become.