My 92- year old step grandfather has become increasingly mean to my grandmother, who has literally spent the entire 25+ years of their marriage catering to his every need. He insists that she has been cheating on him and even has gone so far as to say that he saw her with the other man when she was on a trip with me and my mother. We have tried to speak to him about what he is doing, but all he will say is that "I know what I saw.". We want her to leave, but she thinks it is normal to be accused like this all the time. I am very worried for her, not the least reason of which is that he continues to drive! Any suggestions? I just want her to be safe and happy.
I don't know how your grandmother feels about it, or how you do, but I still take my marriage vows seriously. We are now in the "poorer, worse, and in sickness" part of the deal. My husband has had dementia for 9 years, and I will continue to stay with him until death parts us. I know a time may come when I won't be able to do all the hands-on caregiving myself, and may need to use a care center. But I will never "leave" him, as I know with all my heart if our situations were reversed he would stick by me, for better or for worse. Also, if a person with dementia becomes violent, it is necessary to see that all his loved ones are protected, and that often means placement, but never means abandonment, in my book.
As for driving, YIKES! He absolutely should not be driving. Can Grandmother still drive? If not, there should not be a car at their residence. Is this something you can discuss with Grandmother, and come up with a plan to stop him from getting behind the wheel? Are you in a position to offer some transportation to your grandparents?
It is wonderful that you care about your grandmother's safety and happiness. The first thing you can do to help is to learn about the situation she is in -- spouse of a person who has dementia.