MIL has many health issues and FIL has mild dementia. Neither one of them will listen to our suggestions for planning for future care and feel as though they can handle it on their own. However they call us almost daily asking for help with things. My FIL hardly remembers to take his meds on time or at all, has hearing loss and refuses to pay a dime for them. My MIL has every known ailment known to man all because she has neglected her health and now blames all of us as to why she feels this way. Most of the brunt falls on my husband and me and I am at my wits end as to what can be done to assist them. MIL is also Narcisstic so that creates another wrench in things. They haven't planned for their future in the least, no will, trusts, no savings, and they do not own their home. Everything that we suggest to them they have been known to cover their ears and act like a 2 year old. I have no problem assisting and helping but when my MIL is downright mean and blames us all for her issues and my FIL won't listen and wants to do things his way and they tell us to stop hounding them then what else can we do that won't get us into trouble if something should happen to them if we do just back away and grant them their wishes?
I do not believe we are to give up our health, marriage, family or future to provide care for those who have not had the responsibility to provide for themselves. If you read other posts, you will find loving children who have given up and/or lost everything to care for a parent.
It sounds harsh but there is an absolute limit to what a family can do. No one forced anyone to make the decisions that were made in the past.
Good luck and God bless! I know how difficult it is!
Sorry, one of my many vents on this site...but it is all so hard to watch your loved ones unnecessisarily suffer. I would not recommend anyone be full time caregiver if the loved one can at all afford in home or outside care. I think the unknowns of how the disease or needs will progress is too much for anyone who is not skilled care to take on. This is both an emotional and physical toll on not only oneself; but one's family.