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My wife (69 early onset dementia) is showing very odd behaviors which have increased in intensity recently. Here are some examples:
-- She hallucinates there are people outside who need to be let into our house. On three occasions she has tried to go outside to let these people in. If I try to convince her that it is too cold for anyone to be out, she becomes agitated and violent. She has hit me with her fist on two occasions. I am installing double deadbolts on three of the doors that lead outside so she cannot get out. I worry she will react violently when she finds she can't open doors due to the deadbolts.
-- With the threat that she might leave, I am afraid to fall asleep, so I am exhausted most of the time.
-- She constantly invents stories about her past with people and places and events that do not exist or never happened. This can happen at any time of the day. She claims her mother was murdered, she was raised by someone who was blind, someone is trying to kill her, she is blind and etc.
-- She tried to leave the car while it was moving because I would not turn around and give two people a ride that she made up a story about. When I pressed the auto locks on the car she got mad and hit me in the side.
-- She threatened my son and I with a knife (I thought I had removed all sharp objects). She said she would cut me. She put the knife down after I told her I would call the police and that they would take her away.
-- She will suddenly get up and start talking very fast, sometimes hyperventilating, saying that we must leave immediately. I say where are we going? And she says she already told me - not true. She says if we don't leave she'll drive the car herself or she will puke or get hives. She has also told my son that they have to leave because I am going to kill everyone.
-- She has refused to get out of the car after we return home, but eventually complies. I worry that she will refuse to come in when it is cold out. I cannot carry her. What would I do?
-- Within the last month, when she is in the car or watching TV I often see her moving her lips and whispering as though she is having a conversation with someone.
-- She seems obsessed with eating sweet foods (not good for a diabetic). For the first time I have had to hide anything sweet or she will eat all of it.
-- When she wants ice cream she will claim that she hasn't had anything to eat for 21 days or 3 months, etc. As with most things, you don't dare say "but you have already eaten twice today.” She will get angry and sometimes violent.
-- She has accused me of having women in the house.
-- She gets up in the middle of the night and tells me that the house is full of children.
She had a UTI the week of Jan. 17 (last week). The diagnosis had to be based on behavior and urine odor because she refused to give a urine sample. After a three day course if Cipro, her behaviors have not improved.
She has had a history of refusing to do things such as bathing, washing hands with soap, eating properly, change clothes, brush teeth, etc. She smells terrible but doesn’t care. Doctors and family members have told her that she risks infections, but it doesn't do any good.
I am afraid of her. I am afraid she will go outside when it is 20 degrees, harm me, harm our son, or our little Yorkie dog. What should I do? Do I try to take her to the ER? Do I call 911 and have them take her to the ER? What will happens then? I doubt I could get her to go to a doctor. Our son is staying with us to help with this situation, but I fear for his safety. Two people have to be with my wife at all times.
I hope you won’t think I am cruel, but I don’t want her in the house. Her behaviors are so erratic, aggressive, and sometimes violent that I do not feel safe in my own home.
Help, please. Exhausted.

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Creque, welcome! Deep breaths!

Yes, call 911. Your dear wife desperately needs to be admitted to a psychiatric unit to get her on meds that will diminish her paranoia, fear and agitation. Poor woman! It must be hell inside her brain right now.

As much as you want to help her yourself, right now she needs meds and they need to be trialed in a controlled environment.

My aunt went through this with my dear uncle. He was beating her black and blue to get the keys to the deadbolts.

He was admitted to a wonderful memory care facility where he did well. Unfortunately, she died of a heart attack shortly thereafter, no doubt in part from the stress she'd been under.

Get your wife the help she needs.
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First I will say that only 3 days on an antibiotic is not long enough to clear up a UTI, and sometimes it takes more than one round of them, but honestly she has way more issues than just a UTI.
Next time she gets violent do call 911 and let them take her to the ER, at which time then you can let them know that she cannot return home as you can no longer care for her there and that you do not feel safe with her there. It will be at that point that the hospital social worker will have to find the appropriate facility to have her placed in.
It's exhausting I know, but you are now to the point where you have to do not only what is best for her but also for yourself as well.
I wish you the very best.
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Dear Creque,
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I understand your situation well as my husband developed early onset Alzheimer's and experienced a lot of bizarre, psychotic, and violent behaviors, too. I had to sometimes lock myself in a room until it was safe to come out. The behavior was completely uncharacteristic of who he was--the most compassionate, patient, kind, and caring man I'd ever known. The behaviors were frightening and unsafe for both of us.
On a particularly bad evening, exasperated I called 911 for help. When the police arrived I let them know he had dementia and they were thankfully patient with him as he was taken from our home and taken to ER. In our state, a person has to go to ER before being transferred to a psych bed. We were fortunate that he got a bed at a hospital unit that specifically served geriatric patients with dementia. He was there for two weeks while the psychiatrist identified the right medication to address the behavior. For my DH, Seroquel and an antidepressant, Lexapro, completely resolved the behavior. He was able to return home and he has been home with me ever since. That was in December 2018. My husband is in the latter stage of the disease now. While it has been hard to see him decline and lose the ability to speak, walk unassisted, and feed himself, I am extraordinarily grateful for the time we have had together. Nothing has given me more joy than sitting on our deck, holding his hand and feeling the warmth of the sun or seeing him smile.
I pray that life gets better for you and your wife.
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Clairesmum Jan 2022
so glad that the health care system worked for you and DH. Hoping that the man who posted this question had the same results.
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Your wife is in an advanced stage of dementia. She is beyond help and no longer belongs at home. Worse things are about to come, She needs to be placed in a facility.
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Does your wife see a neurologist? If so you need to tell him/her about her violent behaviour. And do not sugarcoat it. Tell him you are afraid to sleep. You r afraid of her. Maybe he can have her admitted for a evaluation. But even if she gets on the appropriate meds, you need to place her. She needs more care than you can give her. When calling 911 and the police come, make sure they r aware they r dealing with a violent person with Dementia. That she has caused harm to you before and pulled a knife on son. That she is a danger to you and herself. That she cannot return to your home. She needs to be Baker acted.

"The Baker Act is a law that enables families and loved ones to provide emergency mental health services and temporary detention for people who are impaired because of their mental illness, and who are unable to determine their needs for treatment."

Talk to an Elder lawyer about splitting your assets. Medicaid allows this. Her split is used for her care, when almost gone, you apply for Medicaid to help pay for her care. Your monthly income, SS and any pension that is hers, will be looked at to see how much or all of it goes to you to pay for living expenses. You become the Community Spouse, stay in the home and get one car.
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Yes, please call 911. I was dealing with a very similar situation with my husband. He was seeing people who just were not there. He'd carry on a conversation with them or try to fight with them. He'd swing a punch at them and when I asked what they would do, he said they'd duck. Now at this time he was still able to communicate with me. But he got worse. One day I came home to him on the floor and I had to call 911. He was sent to a nursing home because I just couldn't handle him. He had started getting violent too, and doing things that didn't make sense. And too he wasn't wanting to eat. Once they were able to get his medications straightened out and he started acting like he did before...though he did have some memory problems (he had developed dementia and had a couple of strokes as well)...I thought it would be great to take him back home again. He did great for about 3 months, but then he started getting violent again, but worse than before. He'd leave in the middle of the night and want to drive home....he WAS home. Early one morning I woke up to him grabbing at me, dragging me out of bed, getting ready to box me in my face. My husband is much larger than me and very strong. He was demanding that I get out of his house. I somehow talked him out of hitting me and I went outside...with our dogs. We had a couple of guns inside, though I'd hidden them. Anyway I called the police. They thankfully took him away to the hospital. That was last year and he's been in the hospital and a nursing home, back in the hospital again and soon to be back in the nursing home. I told them I will NOT have him back home again because I'm scared of him. Yes I love him, I adore him. This is a disease and he can't help this. Your wife is the same way. I know you love her dearly. But you HAVE to make sure both you and your child are safe.
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Creque, how are things going?
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My father-in-law recently displayed several of the symptoms you’re talking of including the violent behavior the speaking to people who are not there the argumentative attitude. We were able to get him checked into a hospital where he then went to a rehab Center. It took almost 6 weeks of being on an antipsychotic to bring him back to normal behavior, but as a result he is now in an assisted living facility. Please don’t feel guilty my husband and I have spoken about this on numerous occasions you need to do it’s best for you and the safety of you your remaining family and your dog. Dad has now been in his assisted living facility for several months and not only has lost 50 pounds but also has made several new friends and is getting around better than ever. I wish you the best of luck it’s a hard place to be in
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Like many people here, I have been in your boat, at least partially. My mom, with Alzheimer's, had illusions, delusions, auditory and visual hallucination, temper tantrums, conversations with people on TV, (she was sometimes nicer to them than she was to me), etc. I learned, over time, that it was sometimes a trial and error experience regarding which doctors would help, and which wouldn't, what strategies would work with her and which wouldn't, which medications would work, etc. Sometimes this can involve a cadre of doctors, maybe an internist and a geriatric psychologist or psychiatrist, a neurologist, etc. For my mom, less medicine was more helpful than more medicine, but everyone's body will respond differently to medical interventions, and my mom had always been sensitive to meds. My mom's behavior could be erratic: she could be calm one minute and agitated the next, over nothing. I, too, had to make sure she was dressed properly for the weather. I have no suggestions other than what other people have said. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone in this caregiving situation. As some know,It was bad enough that my mom was losing her mind, I found that writing and exercising (usually walking, often chasing her down the street, since she would wander), kept my mind and body intact. Maybe you could contact your local area on aging, AARP, and/or the Alzheimer's Association (www.alz.org, I think), to see if they have other suggestions and/or resources.
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Please take your wife to an ER for an involuntary admission. She might have an infection. imbalances in her blood chemistry, a stroke... but she definitely is having huge anxiety attacks. The fact that she is violent is the reason for the involuntary admission. Let the professionals evaluate and treat her. She will probably need psychoactive medications to calm her intense anxiety so she won't feel the need for "flight or fight".
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