My wife (69 early onset dementia) is showing very odd behaviors which have increased in intensity recently. Here are some examples:
-- She hallucinates there are people outside who need to be let into our house. On three occasions she has tried to go outside to let these people in. If I try to convince her that it is too cold for anyone to be out, she becomes agitated and violent. She has hit me with her fist on two occasions. I am installing double deadbolts on three of the doors that lead outside so she cannot get out. I worry she will react violently when she finds she can't open doors due to the deadbolts.
-- With the threat that she might leave, I am afraid to fall asleep, so I am exhausted most of the time.
-- She constantly invents stories about her past with people and places and events that do not exist or never happened. This can happen at any time of the day. She claims her mother was murdered, she was raised by someone who was blind, someone is trying to kill her, she is blind and etc.
-- She tried to leave the car while it was moving because I would not turn around and give two people a ride that she made up a story about. When I pressed the auto locks on the car she got mad and hit me in the side.
-- She threatened my son and I with a knife (I thought I had removed all sharp objects). She said she would cut me. She put the knife down after I told her I would call the police and that they would take her away.
-- She will suddenly get up and start talking very fast, sometimes hyperventilating, saying that we must leave immediately. I say where are we going? And she says she already told me - not true. She says if we don't leave she'll drive the car herself or she will puke or get hives. She has also told my son that they have to leave because I am going to kill everyone.
-- She has refused to get out of the car after we return home, but eventually complies. I worry that she will refuse to come in when it is cold out. I cannot carry her. What would I do?
-- Within the last month, when she is in the car or watching TV I often see her moving her lips and whispering as though she is having a conversation with someone.
-- She seems obsessed with eating sweet foods (not good for a diabetic). For the first time I have had to hide anything sweet or she will eat all of it.
-- When she wants ice cream she will claim that she hasn't had anything to eat for 21 days or 3 months, etc. As with most things, you don't dare say "but you have already eaten twice today.” She will get angry and sometimes violent.
-- She has accused me of having women in the house.
-- She gets up in the middle of the night and tells me that the house is full of children.
She had a UTI the week of Jan. 17 (last week). The diagnosis had to be based on behavior and urine odor because she refused to give a urine sample. After a three day course if Cipro, her behaviors have not improved.
She has had a history of refusing to do things such as bathing, washing hands with soap, eating properly, change clothes, brush teeth, etc. She smells terrible but doesn’t care. Doctors and family members have told her that she risks infections, but it doesn't do any good.
I am afraid of her. I am afraid she will go outside when it is 20 degrees, harm me, harm our son, or our little Yorkie dog. What should I do? Do I try to take her to the ER? Do I call 911 and have them take her to the ER? What will happens then? I doubt I could get her to go to a doctor. Our son is staying with us to help with this situation, but I fear for his safety. Two people have to be with my wife at all times.
I hope you won’t think I am cruel, but I don’t want her in the house. Her behaviors are so erratic, aggressive, and sometimes violent that I do not feel safe in my own home.
Help, please. Exhausted.
Tell them that the person has dementia and is getting violent and that you are afraid you will get hurt or she will harm herself.
(Please stress that your wife has dementia and she does not know what she is doing.)
Once they get her to the hospital you need to discuss with the Hospital Social Worker that you can no longer care for her, she is not safe in the house, you are not safe with her.
Hopefully they will admit her and work on finding the right medications that will relieve her anxiety and delusions, hallucinations.
You also need to make sure the doctor (s) has an accurate diagnosis. Some forms of dementia present with more violent traits than others. Lewy Body Dementia is one and there are some medications that are normally given for anxiety that can NOT be given to someone with LBD. If this is the type of dementia she has please inform the medical staff before any medication is given.
Placement in Memory Care would be ideal but the anxiety, hallucinations, delusions should be under control.
((hugs)) Take care of yourself!
Sometimes caring for a person at home is not possible even with support and outside caregiving services. Your wife needs to be in a secured memory care facility being cared for by a professional staff.
I speak from experience because I've done in-home elder care for almost 25 years and have worked for families whose 'loved ones' should have been in memory care because home was unsafe for them and the people they lived with.
I had many clients like your wife and always quit those clients early on. I remember one that really stands out. I worked for an elderly man with Alzheimer's who lived with his son and DIL. They both worked and needed care during the day for him. He was in robust health physically, still mobile, but his mind was shot.
His son and DIL weren't truthful about just how out of it, paranoid, and violent he was. The agency I was working for wasn't truthful either.
To make a long story short he was flipping out from some delusion during my shift and took a swing at me. I didn't duck in time and he broke my nose.
The family and my care agency got sued hard by me. I came out with a very nice settlement from both sides and it was well deserved. I've had two surgeries to put my nose right. It looks fine, but it's not.
This will happen to you and your family or worse if you to keep your wife at home. She is dangerous. Please for your own sake as well as hers, find a memory care facility to put her in.
With all due respect to you, marijuana is not what the poster's wife needs.
What happens if the poster's wife does not have the desired relax and chill reaction from the pot?
What if she has the other reaction that so many people also get from marijuana products? The extreme paranoia and increased delusions? The poster really can't just put on some Grateful Dead music and put his wife to bed with a water bottle and a bag of chips to sleep it off.
The poster's wife is a danger to herself and others. She needs to be in a care facility where a professional staff can meet her needs in an environment that's safe for everyone.
The drug of choice was Resperidone (given three times daily) and Aricept before bedtime. She was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia.
Please don't wait until you or your son are hurt. Dementia makes people irrational as their reasoning skills are destroyed. They believe the hallucinations are real and will act out accordingly. They can gather up enough strength to do serious harm. You are not cruel to do what is necessary to save yourself and your family.
Thanks for the update on your mom. So glad her meds are better managed now.
The OP has not responded to his own question after some really good answers and ideas.
There are agencies to call: Adult Protective Services, Child Protective, Animal Abuse to your local Animal Shelter or call the Police Chief. When charges are brought, records are kept and then solutions can be demanded. Remember, as an adult, you, too, are entitled to protections.
Call APS immediately and advise them of the situation (everything you recounted above). If they will not remove her because she is a danger to herself. You can call 911 and tell them your wife is violent, out of control and you are in fear for your life and your son's. I would suggest a trip to the ER but with covid restrictions raging they may not be as responsive as they normally would and the trip might put you and your son as risk -- however, if the 911 call doesn't work you may have to chance the ER. One thing is certain.... the trip to the ER will probably set her off and they will be able to see how bad she is. Chances are she will not get out of the car at the hospital... that's good drive right up to the ambulance entrance and run inside (take the keys) breathlessly tell them how terrified you are (not kidding here... used to do ER admit - ) you have to look like you are about to into cardiac arrest. Have your son look terrified too. Let him be heard begging your wife not to hit you anymore and get out of the car. Make sure they know that she hit you while your driving and that you almost lost control of the car, came close to crashing several times. Tell them she needs help and when they have her out of the car. Time to leave because unless she attempts to slug one of them (which I hope happens because that will definitely up their respons) they will most assuredly try to talk you into taking her back home with you. DON'T DO IT. The hospital can find placement for her in a psych ward where they can adjust meds and find a permanent placement for her . They may be able to somewhat adjust her behavior but dementia does not really get better.
Please keep us advised.
Can you make an appointment (even just for a phone call) with her primary MD? Or ask your own MD for help? An admission to a hospital with a geriatric psychiatric locked unit would be the safest place for her and the expertise to get treatment for behaviors. Then, discharge planning. You can choose to refuse to take her home, and that is not a failure on your part. Her disease is causing huge damage in her brain.
Alternatively call the local council on Aging and ask for the name and number for the Aging Services Access Point or protective services program. Protective services can help to get her transported to the hospital due to dangerousness to self and others. She can't help what she is doing.
All of you are in a scary, confusing situation. I hope you are all able to get the help that is needed.
Please tap into all possible resources and realize placement of your wife may be the only safe option for her and your family. You are not cruel; you clearly care about your wife and now you must do what is necessary since her brain has been hijacked by a cruel disease. All the best for all concerned.
First thing I would do is have your wife evaluated, sounds like she might have alzheimer's.
Some times they have hallucinations and they have behavior changes and every person is different to how they have it.... Some people are sweet and some people get mean and in-between.
If it is that or not the Doctor can do some testing and maybe get her on some meds to calm her down so her behavior is not so thrown off.
It will be peace of mind for you.
Sounds like you are probably a little afraid of the behavior coming out.
You have to get her diagnoised though it is the only way you are going to find out what is going on.
If you have a psythiatric evaluation they usually keep them for 3 days and run test on the person.
I would start there.
Good luck, and please let us know how she is doing.
Wish the best for you and your family.
Pray as well, take it to God......
God Bless
Mom destroyed her beautiful Christmas cactus -- chopped it to shreds. Even chopped up the metal stand it was on. Pushed uncooked Ramen noodles down the drain and then poured boiling water down the drain because she wanted to "break the plumbing" (her words). Covered the floors in the house with scotch tape. Covered herself with scotch tape. Just a few examples.
She yelled at dad constantly, threw things, and finally a hospice nurse decided to send her to emergency respite. That quickly ended when she grabbed a can of bug spray and sprayed my dad and the nurse in the face. They called 911, dad picked up mom from the ER the next morning. A test for UTI was done then. Two days later, hospice nurse visited to find mom outside naked standing in the road yelling at passing vehicles. (Dad at that point was pretty much hiding in his room, avoiding her.) Another trip to the ER. UTI confirmed, they started her on IV antibioltics, dad picked her up the next morning.
She refused the antibiotics at home. She spent a day spreading feces all over the house, locked herself in the bathroom and clogged the toilet with anything she could find. Dad had to have a neighbor couple come and help him get the door off and mom cleaned up. That night he awoke to her standing over him with a large knife saying, "Everyone has to die sometime. It's your time." He got the knife away, and called 911. When they told him to come pick her up the next day, he told them, based on advice received here on this forum, that it would be an unsafe discharge, he could not take care of her and she was was a danger to herself and to him. She went to a psych facility, back to the hospital, back to the psyche facility, then to a nursing home where she passed a few days later.
Her UTI was never treated. Docs claimed she had a stroke and vascular dementia although we never saw signs of either before the erratic behavior began. And I never saw any tests to show that she had a stroke (although she'd had a history of them and never fully recovered physically from one several years prior).
All that to say that others have been through what you are experiencing. Listen to advice here. The only reliable test for UTI is a two-day culture and CIPRO is not the drug of choice, nor was your wife on it long enough.
I hope you can sort it all out for you wife. I'm glad your son is with you and you don't have to carry all this alone. Do push to get her the medical care she needs, don't let them release her back home until she has that care. For my mom, it was too late, but maybe you still have time.
worse … it doesn’t cause these behaviours … without a lot of dementia to start with …