My wife (69 early onset dementia) is showing very odd behaviors which have increased in intensity recently. Here are some examples:
-- She hallucinates there are people outside who need to be let into our house. On three occasions she has tried to go outside to let these people in. If I try to convince her that it is too cold for anyone to be out, she becomes agitated and violent. She has hit me with her fist on two occasions. I am installing double deadbolts on three of the doors that lead outside so she cannot get out. I worry she will react violently when she finds she can't open doors due to the deadbolts.
-- With the threat that she might leave, I am afraid to fall asleep, so I am exhausted most of the time.
-- She constantly invents stories about her past with people and places and events that do not exist or never happened. This can happen at any time of the day. She claims her mother was murdered, she was raised by someone who was blind, someone is trying to kill her, she is blind and etc.
-- She tried to leave the car while it was moving because I would not turn around and give two people a ride that she made up a story about. When I pressed the auto locks on the car she got mad and hit me in the side.
-- She threatened my son and I with a knife (I thought I had removed all sharp objects). She said she would cut me. She put the knife down after I told her I would call the police and that they would take her away.
-- She will suddenly get up and start talking very fast, sometimes hyperventilating, saying that we must leave immediately. I say where are we going? And she says she already told me - not true. She says if we don't leave she'll drive the car herself or she will puke or get hives. She has also told my son that they have to leave because I am going to kill everyone.
-- She has refused to get out of the car after we return home, but eventually complies. I worry that she will refuse to come in when it is cold out. I cannot carry her. What would I do?
-- Within the last month, when she is in the car or watching TV I often see her moving her lips and whispering as though she is having a conversation with someone.
-- She seems obsessed with eating sweet foods (not good for a diabetic). For the first time I have had to hide anything sweet or she will eat all of it.
-- When she wants ice cream she will claim that she hasn't had anything to eat for 21 days or 3 months, etc. As with most things, you don't dare say "but you have already eaten twice today.” She will get angry and sometimes violent.
-- She has accused me of having women in the house.
-- She gets up in the middle of the night and tells me that the house is full of children.
She had a UTI the week of Jan. 17 (last week). The diagnosis had to be based on behavior and urine odor because she refused to give a urine sample. After a three day course if Cipro, her behaviors have not improved.
She has had a history of refusing to do things such as bathing, washing hands with soap, eating properly, change clothes, brush teeth, etc. She smells terrible but doesn’t care. Doctors and family members have told her that she risks infections, but it doesn't do any good.
I am afraid of her. I am afraid she will go outside when it is 20 degrees, harm me, harm our son, or our little Yorkie dog. What should I do? Do I try to take her to the ER? Do I call 911 and have them take her to the ER? What will happens then? I doubt I could get her to go to a doctor. Our son is staying with us to help with this situation, but I fear for his safety. Two people have to be with my wife at all times.
I hope you won’t think I am cruel, but I don’t want her in the house. Her behaviors are so erratic, aggressive, and sometimes violent that I do not feel safe in my own home.
Help, please. Exhausted.
The drug of choice was Resperidone (given three times daily) and Aricept before bedtime. She was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia.
Please don't wait until you or your son are hurt. Dementia makes people irrational as their reasoning skills are destroyed. They believe the hallucinations are real and will act out accordingly. They can gather up enough strength to do serious harm. You are not cruel to do what is necessary to save yourself and your family.
Thanks for the update on your mom. So glad her meds are better managed now.
With all due respect to you, marijuana is not what the poster's wife needs.
What happens if the poster's wife does not have the desired relax and chill reaction from the pot?
What if she has the other reaction that so many people also get from marijuana products? The extreme paranoia and increased delusions? The poster really can't just put on some Grateful Dead music and put his wife to bed with a water bottle and a bag of chips to sleep it off.
The poster's wife is a danger to herself and others. She needs to be in a care facility where a professional staff can meet her needs in an environment that's safe for everyone.
Sometimes caring for a person at home is not possible even with support and outside caregiving services. Your wife needs to be in a secured memory care facility being cared for by a professional staff.
I speak from experience because I've done in-home elder care for almost 25 years and have worked for families whose 'loved ones' should have been in memory care because home was unsafe for them and the people they lived with.
I had many clients like your wife and always quit those clients early on. I remember one that really stands out. I worked for an elderly man with Alzheimer's who lived with his son and DIL. They both worked and needed care during the day for him. He was in robust health physically, still mobile, but his mind was shot.
His son and DIL weren't truthful about just how out of it, paranoid, and violent he was. The agency I was working for wasn't truthful either.
To make a long story short he was flipping out from some delusion during my shift and took a swing at me. I didn't duck in time and he broke my nose.
The family and my care agency got sued hard by me. I came out with a very nice settlement from both sides and it was well deserved. I've had two surgeries to put my nose right. It looks fine, but it's not.
This will happen to you and your family or worse if you to keep your wife at home. She is dangerous. Please for your own sake as well as hers, find a memory care facility to put her in.
Tell them that the person has dementia and is getting violent and that you are afraid you will get hurt or she will harm herself.
(Please stress that your wife has dementia and she does not know what she is doing.)
Once they get her to the hospital you need to discuss with the Hospital Social Worker that you can no longer care for her, she is not safe in the house, you are not safe with her.
Hopefully they will admit her and work on finding the right medications that will relieve her anxiety and delusions, hallucinations.
You also need to make sure the doctor (s) has an accurate diagnosis. Some forms of dementia present with more violent traits than others. Lewy Body Dementia is one and there are some medications that are normally given for anxiety that can NOT be given to someone with LBD. If this is the type of dementia she has please inform the medical staff before any medication is given.
Placement in Memory Care would be ideal but the anxiety, hallucinations, delusions should be under control.
((hugs)) Take care of yourself!