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So we finally go to visit at the NH and seems like all auntie wants to do is sleep. For my visit, it took them about 15 minutes to get her out to visit us and the visit itself lasted about the same amount of time before she because agitated and wanted to return to her room and sleep. My cousin had pretty much the same scenario except her visit was even shorter. The staff said she eats and cooperates with them but all she wants to do is sleep so guessing at this point we should not push the issue. We feel bad for not being able to visit on a more regular basis but it seems like we are just annoying her when we do visit. Just pretty much venting at this point and wish there was more we could do but I guess if I was in my 90s I would want to sleep all the time too……

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Maine127: My 94 year old late mother would exclaim "I don't know why I'm so tired. I haven't really done anything except make my bed." Elders do tire very easily due to age and also health factors.
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Sleeping is a normal part of aging. There are also many posts in general about needing more sleep as an elderly patient.

I don't know whether it really is sleep or that it takes too much effort to communicate so one closes the eyes and prefers not to speak. As my Mom is getting along in dementia, it is more and more difficult for her to formulate the words and track with the conversation. (She can no longer comprehend the TV or movies.) For the first time that I've seen in her life, she is content with being at the table and just watching people. Because she is hard of hearing, she misinterprets what is being said. With dementia, she used to interrupt conversations and demand that she could be brought up to speed, which she would then forget, and repeat the process of demanding to know what is going on. She hears, however, it is more like a "Charlie Brown schoolteacher" sound where she cannot distinguish the words. When we speak to her, we get her attention and only 1 person speaks slowly and directly to her, with any other conversations temporarily stopped and with many checks between the words to see if she is tracking with what we are saying.

My suggestions would be:
1. If you have more than 1 of you in the room, let her sleep. However, carry on a good natured conversation amongst the guests. Talk about funny moments in the person's life, what has recently gone one, catch up on current events and relatives. You can talk politics or religion or anything controversial. Just no negative words or escalation of feelings. The person can feel and hear the rhythm of the conversation, and you can't really tell whether they are dozing, or just have their eyes closed, or truly not hearing. Verbal sharing, not phone/text sharing. If there are pictures being shared, describe the picture between each other. (e.g. that fried chicken looks very crispy and nicely browned). Don't worry about not including the person you are visiting. They will attempt to speak if they want to say something.

2. Touch is important, friendly touch. You can attempt to do verbal communication, however the back and forth really does take a lot of brain and physical effort. Think about how much effort it takes to talk when you are really sick. However, bear in mind that there are some people who do not like being touched. That may not go away as they get older.

3. If you are having difficulty hearing the person for any reason, or if there is something that they need to respond to and you know they are having difficulty responding, get a personal amplifier and put it close to them so that you can hear them and if needed, split the earphones so that it is easier to them to hear and for you to hear them.

Because of my Mom's hearing situation, she didn't respond to music well because the hearing aids distorted the music. She couldn't read the captions on the television and couldn't stay focused enough to read. She had a difficult time with books of pictures because it took a lot of energy to turn the pages. She just wanted to be with people watching them do things.

So, don't give up yet. There are many reasons why she could have been agitated on your visits. Try different things and most of all, let her close her eyes and not respond. They can feel presence. They can feel harmony. They need to feel peace and being loved.
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My wife is starting to sleep a lot too. She is bed bound with dementia. I wonder if it is just not their lack of will to survive. She will wake up an hour or two then back to sleep. She will not watch tv or read. I hope I do not get that way.
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That also happened to my mother when she was in her 90s. Fortunately in her assisted living facility they have a nice patio, and we'd just sit together on the patio. Don't feel like you have to make conversation. It's OK just to sit with her when you visit. You can do the talking, telling her about what's happening in your life, reading, playing music on the radio, etc. I think it's beneficial for your aunt to get visits. Do it as often as you can, and keep your expectations low, and don't feel bad if you can only visit occasionally.
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Are you not able to visit your aunt in her room? That’s what I do. She has a room mate who gives me the scoop on what has been going on (with visitors etc) as aunt can’t remember. They are big buddies. Aunt also sleeps a lot. She is 95. I call others for her to speak to while I am there and she sometimes gets agitated with them on the phone but she is very content in her room.
Your aunt may be worn out by the time she is brought to you. Regardless, it is good to visit them.
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Could be meds. Ask facility when she is most alert and if meds might create sleepiness (you might look them up yourself - lots of meds elderly take cause you to be sleepy), and arrange visits during the alert hours.
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Daddy slept a lot. But he was in horrible chronic pain and taking very high doses of Percocet round the clock. He was always in a state of 'sleepy' and could fall asleep anywhere, any time.

It was preferable to him to be asleep and not actively in pain.

I hope NOBODY is shaking me awake if I'm 93 and trying to sleep. Mom is 92 and probably sleeps 16 hrs a day--either in her bed or in her recliner (just resting her eyes, she says). We don't make a thing of it.

She's not depressed or unhappy. She's worn out.
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Llamalover47 Aug 2022
Mid: Your poor daddy was in such bad pain. That must have been so difficult for you to witness. Hugs.💕
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Seems like she’s very depressed and unhappy
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Yes, sleeping is what they do as the end of life approaches. My mom was in the NH for 18 months and during all that time she was mostly asleep except for meals and when she was receiving care, many of my visits were just quietly holding her hand as she dozed.
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Depression is possible too. That causes some people to sleep more. Additionally as others have said, sleeping is also an outcome for the illness and dementia in some patients.
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Stimulation for her is not necessary, really. You can’t stop the disease progression anyway. At this point, your visits are to make you feel better, not her. Continue at your own discretion and let be what will be.
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Your aunt is 93 with dementia and on hospice care now, right? Part of being under hospice care means that your aunt has declined to the point where she's thought to have 6 months or less left to live. Which means she's sleeping a lot, and doesn't need or want 'stimulation' at this point in her life. She needs sleep and a little bit of food, which she'll probably start turning down one of these days, too.

You want to visit for your own sake, to lay eyes on your aunt and to spend time with her. In her mind, she doesn't care about visitors or the amount of time you want to spend with her; her only concern is sleeping and that's it. When dementia is present, there's no realization of anyone else's needs or wants, just their own. That's how it works. It's a sad state of affairs for all concerned, really. I watched my mother wither away for at least the last 2 years of her life, ravaged by dementia which took her from a feisty & vibrant loud-mouthed woman into a mere shell of her former self. She sat slumped over in a wheelchair all the time, not even able to decipher what I was saying to her. I feel your pain, my friend. My DH and I would go visit her and those visits were cut shorter and shorter due to her agitation or her need/desire to leave our presence b/c she 'was so busy' with 'so many things to do', at least in her own mind.

I'm sorry you are faced with such a sad situation with your aunt. May God bless you both as you travel this journey, and spare you all as much pain and suffering as possible. Best of luck.
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Sleeping longer is one of the declines Hospice uses when recertifying someone to continue Hospice.
Some of the "sleeping" might not be actual sleeping but sitting with eyes closed. There is a lot of sensory input to vision and if she is also listening sometimes it is easier to listen and block out visual input.
But if she is actually sleeping let her sleep as long as she is comfortable.
If she is not on Hospice you might want to contact one of your choice to have her evaluated. She will have a Nurse that will come and see her at least 1 time a week. A CNA from Hospice will take over the showers or bath and the CNA will order supplies for her incontinent underwear, gloves, ointments, lotions, and other supplies. This is all provided by Medicare, Medicaid or most other insurance.
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She’s in a NH with dementia and will be 93 is few weeks. She’s on BP medication and cholesterol meds but that is about it
Shes always been a sleeper but this just seems excessive and the NH doesn’t seem to be bothered by it much like we are. I know being in a NH isn’t overly stimulating for her brain etc and there’s not much we can do about that because she can refuse things but it still doesn’t make things any easier
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Karenina Aug 2022
On hospice they remove any meds that are treatment. Vitamins and cholesterol meds at 93 are unnecessary. Statins do cause fatigue, brain fog, liver damage, body aches. My mom was even taken off blood thinners. I ask hospice nurse every little question. They call every time they visit. I would ask about the sleeping. It may be a common phase.
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What medical issues does she have that might contribute to sleepiness, and/or perhaps lack of energy? How old is she? What medications is she taking that might contribute to drowsiness?

Is she in an AL, IL, or rehab facility?

Any of these issues could factor into prolonged need to sleep.
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