Family members taking over. How should I address the issue?

Of course it's maddening, but just be glad they are stepping up and didn't expect your expertise qualified you to be the primary hands on caregiver.

Let them handle it, and take deep breaths , accept that they are POA. If you want to give input, you can tell them , in a supportive way.

Step away from it.
No one "takes over" POA. It is GIVEN to them. POA is conferred on someone by CHOICE, and by someone who is of sound mind.
You don't have POA. Step back into your own life and let this group manage the care and the problems that Mom and Dad conferred upon them. Don't discuss or gossip about it. If Mom or Dad complain let them know they gave POA to the people they gave it to, and to discuss it with those people; meanwhile take them out to lunch or something pleasant, and then get on with your life.
You have no power here and no responsibility.

No one takes over POA. Dad would have needed to assign someone and be competent to do so.

Are you a woman? If so looks like your input means nothing to ur brothers and your Mom is allowing them to handle everything. After being a POA for Mom and now for a nephew, be glad you don't have POA responsibility. You may just have to sit back and allow brothers make the decisions.

I would not, without being POA financially and Medically, care for Mom or Dad.

I’m sorry as someone else noticed it appears like your a female and your mom only gives weight to what her sons say and they have no experience working as you do as a HHA and living right there. I think the deeper issue is how your not treated equally and recognized with at least much consideration as your brothers. If I were you I would want little to do with this family, I say this bc you deserve to be treated much better - valued and recognized as much as they are. Actually since they live long distance and don’t have experience w caregiving and you do, your thoughts on it should be taken with more weight than theirs do. I wouod wash my hands of these people, that’s how offensive it is how they treat you like a second class it seems simply bc your a female.

Being a female all that you are good for is caretaking, being the gofer. Your mother is of the mindset that the men are in charge and are much more qualified to make important decisions a woman cannot.

Back out, let them handle it don't continue to be the one who does all the runaround and caretaking for your parents, after all they do have sons to handle this job.

"Mom became unhappy with this facility. Again, changes were made without even talking with me."

What does "changes were made" mean? Did your brothers move your father to another facility?

Did your mother complain to your brothers, or only to you? How often do you see your parents, and are you doing any caregiving for them?

I echo what others have already said here. Step away. I hope you told your mother to complain to your brothers who make all the decisions.

And I hope you don't intend to become your mother's 24/7/365 caregiving slave, if/when the time comes. How is she doing? How old are your parents? What are their medical issues?

Your parents put your brothers in the decisionmaking role. Make sure that they don't involve YOU in any decisions without your input. You complain about that now, but what if they decide YOU need to move in with Mama, or vice-versa without your input? There have been people in this forum who do just that because siblings told them to do it.

is there a reason they have no respect for you? that's sure what it sounds like

In our family, my husbands parents didn't put my husband POA over their finances because he traveled a lot and they didn't want to be a burden to him. They ended up putting their banker son over it, but preferred my husband. Before they died, they were talking to my husband about some changes the youngest son made against their wishes. s it possible your mother was looking at financial things and didn't want you to have to put your life on hold out of love and care for you?

I assuming that you have asked if you might be included,and I am assuming the answer is that they would prefer not. Given that, I would step back and get on with your life. Many would do just about anything to be left OUT of these endless loops. Let them decide. Get a good hobby and enjoy your life.

Give input to your brothers to help make sure dad - and mom - are well-cared for. Your experience gives you the advantage to seeing what they do not and is invaluable.

Terrioddgirl13: The way Power of Attorney works is that your father, who would have had to be competent at the time, assigns an individual to be his agent as witnessed by a notary public. Power of Attorney is not "taken over" by someone.

If you have suggestions, solutions, or want to offer to provide help for your dad at home, you shouldn’t be afraid to come forward to your POA sibling, but make sure you can follow through before making any offers or promises. Is it possible that remaining at home was unsafe for your dad? As long as the POA’s actions are reasonably in your dad’s best interest, there is nothing you can do but ask. This decision may be driven by convenience or financial economy, or possibly even by your Dad’s own expressed wishes.

These transitions are undoubtedly even more difficult for your parents and going back and forth would wreak even more emotional havoc.

My brother was POA and he never included me in any decisions either. I can't recall it ever bothering me except for one time. My mother has big black awful sores all over her face, and some were cracked and bleeding. It was horrible, I was horrified. I told my bother, I am sure he saw them but I told him anyway, and he acted like it was not an issue. Anyway, I told him he needed to take her to a Dr and get it taken care of. So he did. Sometimes you just have to bring something to their attention and tell them what you think. Good luck.

Did you all sit down together, to discuss the entire situation and Mom's wishes, should she find herself in a similar situation? It would help immensely to schedule a family appointment with a Geriatric Psychiatrist. Getting on the same page will promote good-will and family unity. Are your brothers volunteering for all care for both parents.

Just step back and let them run the show. Live your life.

It depends on what you want to do and what responsibility you want to take on. You aren't giving us any specifics here.

* Be clear on how you feel and what your desires are (in terms of helping with responsibilities) before engaging anyone. If you aren't clear on your needs, they won't be either.

* Consider your history and how / why 'they' took over POA responsibilities and not include you. Do you know why? Do you want to ask them why?

* Are you 'just hurt' / feeling left out ? or do you want to participate more in your dad's care.

* If you are feeling shut out, I would certainly bring it up - when you are clear on what you would like to happen in terms of being included in you dad's welfare. Gena.

What is an HHA? This is important information for us to know in order to respond in a supportive manner. Gena