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For the last month or so my father goes into the restroom and spends up to 8 hours (perhaps more) fiddling with his pull up diaper. He stretches, pulls, rearranges, turns and flips them to know end. Family is worried and we do talk with him routinely through the door and he says I'm fine and give me 15 more minutes. Hours can pass and we get the same answers. I finally peaked in to see what he was doing and yes, he is fiddling for hours with the diapers. I got help and was able to get him up today but I'm sure this problem has not been solved. He is smart so I tried to reason with him to let him know hours in the bathroom is not normal and that we can offer him help to break this looping problem with the diapers. He does fall asleep in the bathroom...then wakes back up and fiddles until he falls asleep again. He thinks nothing is wrong at all. Does anybody know how to break this fixation with the diaper? We all love him and just want him to spend time with family and his hospice care wife. It may be overwhelming so I think this might have pushed him into bathroom anxiety release time. Nothing but sleep and fiddling with diaper. Help!

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It sounds almost like he's getting stuck on repeat and doing the same thing over and over.

I'm not sure how you'd achieve it if he's in the bathroom all day, but sometimes you can try a reset of sorts. My mom would get really bent and cranky with the caregivers about something, and the caregivers would step out of her sight for a few minutes, then come back from a different direction and it was almost like a page had been turned. Whatever she was upset about went away, and it was like a new day.

Can you come up with a way to get FIL out of there by implying it's a different time or day? Maybe ignore the pull-up issue and knock on the door saying someone needs to use the bathroom? Would he come out for that?
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I hope things improve soon!

Do you think your father is intentionally escaping to the bathroom? Maybe he doesn’t like spending time with anyone outside the bathroom, so a good place to escape to is the bathroom. And since there’s nothing to do, he fiddles with the adult diapers, just to give himself something to do?
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ventingisback Nov 2022
Of course it could have nothing to do with this. It’s just a question. But only you OP know what’s really going on.
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If there’s a lock on the door, turn it around so it doesn’t lock from the inside. (This means it’ll lock from the outside, but the purpose isn’t to lock him in!) At some point you may need to get into the bathroom quickly, like if he falls. Also remove medicines, razor blades, etc. that could be a danger. This looks like really sick behavior and should be addressed ASAP.
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WhatDoIKnow Nov 2022
Thank you! Great suggestion on the door lock. I will get this done. We will be taking him to the doctor again in hopes of getting a better diagnosis. In the meantime, we are stepping up care for him. Thanks again for your help.
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According to your profile, your father Buddy is 58 years old and suffering from dementia. I find that difficult to believe....perhaps you are 58 years old?

In any event, lots of really really smart people develop dementia and Alzheimer's which is an equal opportunity disease. It afflicts scientists and doctors along with uneducated folks equally, it doesn't matter what degrees a person holds when dementia strikes. Reasoning and using logic doesn't work with dementia, which sounds like its at least in the moderate phase now vs. the early phase, or dad would not be spending 8 hrs in the bathroom fiddling with an incontinence brief and falling asleep in there! He's stuck in a loop of OCD thinking which is common with dementia. He needs help toileting each time he goes in there, and to be taken out as soon as he's finished, bc you are not going to break the fixation. He can get into lots of mischief left alone in a bathroom for 8 hours, trust me on that. If you plan to continue caring for him at home, dad needs a proper diagnosis and a doctor whos on board that understands his issues and can write prescription as needed. OCD is anxiety based behavior and my mother was relieved of it with a small dose of Ativan.

If his wife is on hospice care and you feel like this is causing dad extra anxiety, which I agree with you 100% on, all the more need for calming meds for the poor soul. He also needs to be separated from the situation going on in the patients area, especially if she's moaning or showing signs of distress. With dementia at play, its extra hard for dad to process what's going on with his wife, and he may be trying to escape the scene by staying in the bathroom. He needs personalized attention focused solely on him, and away from the stress and sadness of the hospice situation. If you can get him out of the house for a ride and an ice cream or something pleasant, that's a good idea too. Ask the hospice nurse for more guidance bc impending death affects everyone in the house, but especially a husband with dementia.

I'm sorry you're all going thru such a thing, and that dad is reacting in such a way. Sending you my prayers and best wishes for dad to get some help to find a bit of peace amidst the chaos he's feeling.
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WhatDoIKnow Nov 2022
My mistake. I'm Buddy and it is my father in law. My wife's dad. Anyway, your thoughts are much appreciated!! I will see if the doctor can provide that Ativan since he really does seems to be okay when he is outside of the bathroom. We need to get him to the doctor again to diagnose his condition with this updated information. This would help get him the proper medication. He was just at the doctor early this week. He had blood work done and the doctor gave him a clean bill of health. He asked him lots of questions to diagnose his state of mind. He passed and did it well. I personally have observed him and he looks and talks good out of the bathroom. We have more help coming for him and maybe that will alleviate the pressure. She has round the clock care. We will get this figured out. Thanks again for the help!
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