She was fading forever, starving herself to death in front of her own children.
If that isn't sadistic I don't know what else is.
He wants to go to her service. It will have to involve a plane ride, I told him don't you dare go. He is just going to stand there with his mouth hanging open and pee all over his pants and her poor children will have to deal with him
BUT I thought this earlier today, now I realize why should I care what her children feel or my father feels, how will I feel if I go with him
aint happening
F him
All of a sudden he is being SO nice, come with me it's your aunt, I always treated you well.
WTFF?
If he wants to go just go-I don't want any part of it,
he is manipulating me and I almost fell for it. That is a gold star for me
The manipulator doesn't even know what they are doing sometimes isn't that true?
I know this forum has told me to walk away and now that my Aunt is gone I have to. Let him sit
Thanks for reading
I worry for you. This is one of your more incoherent messages to us.
You seem both to indicate that your Aunt is fading and starving herself AND to indicate that your father has lost his sister (which would seem to indicate she is dead?)
Your father, unless I misread some of your prior messages, is being watched over by other family members.
It's unlikely he can intervene in his sister's problems, and for certain you will not be able to assist him in doing so.
You have been asked by family not to intervene with your father unless I am mistaken.
Let the family handle him. Aunt will likely be handled by competent members of her own family and if not the state will intervene.
The Aunt of course is out of your realm of any responsibility at all.
I am sorry for your distress.
*Wanting* & *being able to* are different things of course.
If Dad wants to go to the service, he can say so.
If he is able to go, then he arranges his travel & goes.
If he needs help to arrange everything & needs a caregiver for the trip, he can ask you.
You are free to accept or decline.
PS If I kept a logbook, the times I have said no would be stacking up. Taking people out with poor mobility & dubious continence is a hard No. (I learnt the hard way 🤣)
Just remember you can say No.
Bodies start to fail at a certain age, and with that the digestive system slows and peoples appetite go.
Not to mention some aged people just get tired of living. Tired of the aches and pains that come with age, Tired of being poked by medical needles, tired of being a burden to others, and they stop eating because it's there way out.
I would never call my aunt or anyone sadistic for wanting the pain over, or for the fact that it was probably nature taking it's course
Please get some counseling, for dealing with this, many of us do or have. This is the hardest road we are ever going to take, we can't take it alone. That's a fact.
I am not familiar with your background. I can see that you are miserable when you are around your dad.
If things are as bad as you are saying, it’s probably best if you aren’t involved in your father’s life.
If you remain close to him, the two of you will feed off of each other. Each annoying the other one to no end.
Allow others to care for your dad. Maybe he isn’t the ideal father but he deserves to receive care by someone who isn’t resentful.
I am not saying that you don’t have reasons for how you feel. I am sure that you do.
Move forward with your own life and find peace. Wishing you all the best.
Will you arrange that for him? and pay for it? thanks
What a thing to say!
This forum is wonderful for anyone who needs support with caregiving, whether they care for their family members at home or they choose to be an advocate for them in a facility.
Forum members will help you to help yourself. No one will do your job for you.
Our hope is for you to find solutions. It isn’t our place to pay for your dad’s care.
Have you called Council on Aging in your area? They can help guide you through this process.
Best of luck to you.
I think your problem is ur caught in the middle, you don't want to do this, but it is his only sister. Me, I get overwhemed especially when things aren't going as planned. I would not even attempt this. You have to be there 2 hrs in advance, go thru security. Will there be a lay over? Just say " One more time Dad, NO! I am not taking you to Aunts funeral. Your not in shape for what you need to go thru now when going by plane. Don't ask again."
Yes, he is being nice when he wants something, otherwise he does not want you helping. Tell him if he wants to go he needs to make the arrangements himself. That means ordering his ticket, a shuttle to and from the airport here at home and someone needs to pick him up from the airport when he gets there and take him back or he gets a shuttle. If he needs to use a wheelchair, that has to be arranged when he buys his ticket. Needs to find somewhere to stay. Tell him if he can do all that, then he can go. He won't be able to do it so u really have no worries. If he does, then he is better than u think. Never tell someone like Dad not to do something, thats just when they will do it.
I had not flown since 2000. So big surprise when we flew in 2022 to Alaska. I had to download an app for the airlines. Go thru Security. Used to be, before 9/11, u just checked in and went to the gate. I will bet ur Dad has no idea what its like to fly now.
thanks for the support This forum is so valuable
The service isn't until the middle of may
now for some reason he thinks he will be able to go
I told him I would not help him with any arrangements and I am tired of him
He called me a pest
He will have no one if I abandon him but that is what he deserves
See All Answers