Feeling guilty about my feelings. Ugh. How do I get past this?

Why would you "like" a person who treats you in such a manner? You'd have nothing to do with them as a friend, yet ask if you're "wrong" or should feel guilty for disliking them simply bc they're a blood relative. Kind of like asking if you should like the dog that keeps biting you every time you try to feed or pet it.

We are not obligated to like a relative bc they are related to us. They have to treat us well in order to earn that honor. We can love someone w/o liking them, too, as was the case w my mother. I loved her, but her behavior towards me was such that I didn't like her. Big difference. No guilt or self recrimination there either.....it was all HER doing that created the issues.

It is good to have enough self-esteem to move away from people who are abusive to you. You did nothing to earn the abuse; to put up with it is a tragedy.

As to guilt, you didn't cause your grandmother's problems and you can't fix them. Guilt is involved with wrong-doing, and you have done nothing wrong. Rather switch that word for the "other g-word" which is grief. You are actively grieving someone failing and facing end of life, someone with severe limitations who cannot return kind for kind.

Make your way out of that household and on with your life, making "family" out of people who understand and value you.

I wish you the best.

Walk away let someone else care for her and get your life back .

KB, what sort of job do you have?

Can you move out and reclaim your life?

I don't believe a grandchild should be expected to care for a grandparent when children are there. You have a right to your life. This is the time you should be finding out who you are, getting a job and supporting yourself. If grandmom is in her right mind, she can do what ever she wants. If she isn't some needs to have POA or guardianship and you should not have it, one of her children needs it.

You have ample opportunity to detach from all the negative forces.........run, don't walk! Seek out a therapist if detaching is too difficult for you. Take a class in Mindfulness Meditation to sort through all the issues.

You can choose your friends, so get out and find them!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your feelings are real. It’s okay to accept them and move on.

Many cruel things are done by family to family, but you don’t have to be that way. Be better. I wish you luck in finding a true tribe of your own where you are loved and respected.

Kbelreivins: Imho, you are attempting to justify normal feelings, i.e. you aren't expected to cherish/be devoted to a grandmother who treats you like the proverbial chopped liver. Look out for YOUR welfare, else who will?

Have another look at what you have written:
1) Your grandmother is “horrible to you and your aunt, constantly ridiculing us and being rude”
2) Your grandmother “is expecting people (you and your aunt) to wait on her hand and foot. There is still stuff she can do, but she just won’t do it”.
3) The rest of your “family is pretty awful”. They call only “to get money from my grandma”. They “are horrible people, in and out of jail, drugs, constant arguing with her”.
4) They have grandma under their thumb, and she “thinks they do no wrong”.

None of them are decent sensible people, but you and your aunt are propping them all up. You think that all of them, including Grandma, are users. Why are you doing this? Perhaps you think that grandma might see the light and change? I doubt if you think all the rest of them will.

Perhaps the only thing that you and your aunt can do is to talk through a joint strategy, and lay it on the line to GM. “We can’t keep on doing this, when you are rude and demanding to us, and then shower blessings on the people who are taking you to the cleaners. If you won’t change, we will have to move away from the whole thing, We will give you some phone numbers of places that might help, because we doubt if you will get much help from the family. But that is all we can do. We are so sorry that it has worked out like this. Goodbye”.

This is a reasonable exit line, and it is also possible that it might make people change. Complaining won’t work – you know that!

I wish I knew why this situation is so common in families.

I have seen it in my own family. My mom continually tried to help my oldest brother who was terribly lost. She asked me to help him and I told her that I was done trying to help him and that he was responsible for his life.

You will have to decide if you want to be involved with this mess. I feel that it’s best not to be involved in situations where you don’t have any control over what others do.

Some parents don’t ever know when to cut the aprons strings so their children can learn to live on their own. They bail them out of trouble over and over and over again.

Some parents may believe that they are actually helping. The problem is not only with their children who are irresponsible. It’s also with the parents twisted logic or should I say lack of logic!