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I'm sure most of you will probably say yes to that question, but I need to hear some feedback.

I care for my adult son who is developmentally disabled and needs round the clock care and supervision. I can handle that. I would do anything for my son. Ten months ago my mom had to move in after she fell and pinched a nerve in her back. She has Parkinson's disease. She is almost 82 years old and is now bedridden since the fall. That's why she is here now. And her pets moved in too. Now I care for my mother and son and our combined pets...six cats and two dogs. I feel insane most days.

My mom is not endearing. She was not a good mom to us...very self centered and narcissistic...and I have found that my sense of humor and caring nature has turned into anger and resentment. I try so hard every day to adjust my attitude towards her. I don't yell, I just feel grumpy all of the time. I never get to finish being asleep because she wakes me up to go to the bathroom. She has a bedside commode I have to transfer her onto...seven to ten times a day. She is 165 pounds, so my body gets tired too. Anyway, blah blah blah. It's a lot of work.

She recently got approved for Medicaid and we will be getting 168 hours a month of in home care. Right now I am doing it alone. So the help will be welcome.

When I get tired and over stressed my anxiety starts to surface. I have panic attacks, etc.. So that hasn't helped. And I am bit depressed as well. Yes, I talk to a therapist. That helps. As I write this I feel like I must sound like a mess! I feel like a mess!

I just feel so tired all of the time. I know it's probably normal to feel that way given the situation, but I don't like it. I guess I am just looking to hear that others have felt this way too.

Thanks for your help.

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Hey there Chris - I'm guessing you're new here or I would have remembered you and our crazy, similar circumstances. I've been here since last October - hard to believe that's almost a year! Anyhoo - the thing with an anonymous, public forum is your gonna get a whole range of replies. Some replies will be helpful - others, not so much. But mostly the replies and the people here are well intentioned. So pick through the replies, take what is useful and let the rest go. No point in letting stuff get to you and add more stress, right?
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Sunnygirl1 is right about having a medical exam. I used to have what I called "sleep attacks." I remember once getting all ready to go to a funeral, including having someone to stay with my husband, and I sat in a chair and said, "I can't go. I can't stay awake. It would not be safe to drive." And I went to bed. That incident finally convinced me that in addition to the stress of caregiving something might be wrong. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea, started wearing the night mask, and the sleep attacks stopped entirely.

The combination of getting in-home help and possibly treating medical sleep issues (if any) may make a huge difference. Hang in there! But be open to changing the situation if those factors are not enough.
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Dottie, I hear you. I couldn't imagine having to go out in the world and work a job and then come home to caregiving. The broken up sleep is a killer.

Kidnumber2, I will never get rid of the pets! My mother and son would be devastated. As would I. Yes, they are a lot of work, but i will not just re-home pets we have had for ten and fifteen years because life got more complicated! Their welfare is important to all of the humans in this house. I didn't take the pets in because it was a convenient time in my life to do so. When I took in these pets over the years I accepted responsibility for them and give them a good quality of life. That's how we are in my family. Pets aren't just animals. They are part of the family. So, no, getting rid of pets is not an option.

And I am not kidding myself. I know my fatigue is from being too busy. But I just have to work on how to make it more doable. Implement solutions that will take some of the responsibility of me. Getting a caregiver in five hours a day will be a good start.

Life is hard for a lot of people. We do the best we can with what we've got
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Hey ChrisinOregon! I'm Rainmom - in Oregon! I also have a disabled adult son at home who needs constant supervision and care - he functions at roughly a two y/o level. I'm lucky to have a good man in my husband, for I no doubt would have lost my mind a long time ago if it weren't for him. Just one cat, two dogs but we are expecting a new puppy in a month (what was I thinking, right?). Anyhow - I've been looking after my mother for almost six years, the first 18 months included my dad, whom I adored but he passed four years ago. I have and have always had a difficult, complicated relationship with my mother. Mom is in a nursing home now but back in October when it came time to move her there she was doing all she could to get me to let her move in with me. It was never going to happen. Just a couple days ago I was thinking about how tired I am - just bone weary, worn out, tired! I fantasize about checking into a hotel for a couple of nights, pulling the heavy, dark drapes and just sleeping. Then, if I get hungry - I order room service - then I go back to sleep. Sounds like heaven, huh? But I don't think that's ever gonna happen either. Still, a girl can dream! Does your mom have to live with you? Please consider placing her in a facility. That might sound rough but no one knows how it is for you and your son better than me - and your baby boy has to have the best mom you can be!
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Wanting to sleep all the time could be from a number of causes, including depression and lack of sleep. Has your therapist mentioned that? It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Do you feel like you do? I might discuss it with your medical doctor. Feeling sleepy all the time is not good. Maybe, you need a physical exam. It would trouble me if I was always tired and wanted to sleep and I would have to make some changes.

It's great you have in-home care coming in to help. Maybe, that will make a difference. Still, based on your situation, I think I would consider if the demands on you are reasonable. Maybe, your body is telling you it's too much.
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Hannah, I care for my son and he is mostly nocturnal. There is no getting around that. He has a different sleep clock in him. I am up with him until 4-5am, then he sleeps until around 1pm...it varies though. I want my mom's caregiver to come in the morning. That way i might be able to get in six hours of sleep and can handle the 18 hours that follow.

Someone said they are weary. I feel that way a lot. When I have to take her to doctor or dental appointments and have to do the dead lift from the wheelchair to the car, and/or the wheelchair to the dental chair my body gets very tired. And if she wakes me up after three hours of sleep everything else gets tired and it snowballs. Toss in a few panic attacks, my son having a meltdown, and a sick pet that needs to go to the vet, and i am dangling off the ledge by my fingertips!
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I hear you Rainmom. I am new here. I've browsed for awhile, posted one other question before this. I don't usually post things online. Don't do Facebook or Twitter or whatever else is out there. And, I'm probably more sensitive right now because of my situation. I'll take things with a grain of salt.
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Your four footed "babies" can sometimes be your only link to sanity! My cats and dogs are family members. I took them in at different times (all 4 cats were abandoned). I wouldn't throw my husband out, or my mom out and I wouldn't throw my animals out either. Damn, sometimes they are the only thing that keeps me sane and calm me down during this hectic life. They love me unconditionally. That's how I love them too.
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ChrisinOregon, I also feel tired and grumpy much, if not most of the time. Worries and responsibilities sap you of energy. There is physical, mental and emotional fatigue, and I have added a new one - radiation/electronic fatigue which does something really strange to my body. I can fall asleep on the computer/TV, but have a hard time disciplining myself to quit and get the rest I need. I guess that's what they call addiction. However, I crave the quiet time when mom is in bed and the noises of the day are (at least somewhat) subdued.

Do you have any trouble with motor functioning? I find that my motor learning disability makes me extra tired trying to concentrate and coordinate movements so motor tasks take longer. The brain uses more sugar than the rest of the organs in the body. Do you find you crave simple carbohydrates - bars, chips, bread, pies, candy? If you are alert for the sounds of your mother or son, it's hard to relax enough to go into a restful sleep. I always have one ear out to mom and have to close the window frequently because there is someone revving their engine, racing through the streets and that city hum that doesn't stop. Then I can't sleep because it's airless and too hot. Anger saps you of a lot of energy, too, as well as guilt. So yes, caring for your son and mother is physically, mentally and emotionally draining. Welcome to the club!
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Yep, I have cats and two dogs now that mon is with me and they do keep me sane. And they all watch over mom.I agree nap when you can!
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