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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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Does she still go to the toilet at all? If she does I would follow her in and change then if necessary. Having to take off your pants and shoes or slippers to change can be a real p.i.t.a. - would you believe it is possible to change without having to do that? Most pull ups can easily be removed by tearing open at the sides. Now take the new one and place it inside the waistband of her pants at her ankles, reach inside the pull up and guide the back down the pant leg and over her toes and foot and back up, then do the other leg. When I first read about this on the forum I practised on myself until I got the hang of it - with several changes a day I thought it was nothing short of a miracle!
How about putting ultra thin pads inside all her Depends (maybe try a different brand to throw her off) Be sure to remove some of the adhesive by pressing them against a cloth surface repeatedly. Tell her the new panties are different from the “old” Depends and that they are a new type that allows the user to remove just the soiled pad. Good luck. Might work.
I put three Depends on my mom early in the morning and then the slacks. We all know how hard it is to change when the pants have to come off to put on a new pad. (Pad rather then diaper for Mom, keeps her dignity) Then, as the day goes on and she has accidents, all I do is rip out each one and then there are two dry and then one dry left. It works for her. (and me, since the bathroom trips aren't as difficult.) Be best to you and know that you aren't alone!
In looking over your mom’s long list of issues, I didn’t notice dementia. However, I’m going to suggest that you check out Teepa Snow videos on the web. I’ve attached a link where you’ll find some of her top tips. She uses positivity. When an elder refuses to do things, look to see where you are successful with them and do more of that. No one likes to be told what to do. Listen to Teepas delivery and see if it helps. My aunt, 92, changes her depends when she needs to, but balks at changing her clothes with her weekend aide. The weekday aide doesnt have a problem. It’s all about timing and communication style with my aunt. Don’t get into a contest of wills.
Another thought - as long as she doesn't have fecal incontinence the extra long overnight pads are every bit as absorbent as a pull up, cheaper too, and it might make changing easier.
You say she’s adamant...what is her reason for not wanting to change them? Your profile says Mom suffers from UTIs. Not changing her pull-ups when soiled is probably the cause of it. Can you tell her that? I don’t know how much reasoning abilities she has. Would it make a difference to her to stay healthier and not suffer the annoyance or cost of a doctor visit and side effects of antibiotics? If not you may need to set up a toileting schedule for her where you actually accompany her into the bathroom.
Not sure if you know that the depends or adult pull ups can easily be removed by tearing down the seam on each side. Going into the bathroom if able , when helping just tear down. Keep reassuring her that it's ok it's not a problem . sometimes I tell them that I also have accidents too anymore. She knows, even with dementia or alzheimers that it's embarassing and doesn't really want you to Have to help her.. Bless you and bless her heart. Try not to be frustrated. Let her know it will be a quick change no problem. It's ok. I don't know if that will help, I personally know the challenge. I still care for people in their homes. After my mom passed I was CNA I wasn't feeling great about working in the facilities any more. It was breaking my heart. In home care for me. One family at a time. They, the elders feel much better being at home. It's sometimes difficult in the facility's. Congratulations to you though. It's not easy . it's time consuming and sometimes very demanding. Best of luck and many blessings to you and yours.
My mom fights changing too. Even if just the sanitary napkin we add to make small accidents easier to take care of. For her it’s a cost issue. “Those are expensive” and/or she doesn’t feel the wetness. “It’s not wet!!!” Frequent UTIs at times. I remind her that her mother died from a UTI that became septic, but with dementia that doesn’t stick or help long term. Have you heard of silent UTIs. As we age you can’t feel the pain of UTIs. Don’t know you have. Also, this is gross, but I’ve seen mom pick out a “marble” of fecal material then announce that the pad isn’t dirty and demand it not be changed. (It was). So dementia (Poor judgement and reasoning skills!!!!)
Dad’s the SAME way. He wears the Depends “throw away” underwear. He wears them until they literally disintegrate off of him. They leak all over the chair -which I cover with a pad and towel. They stain his sheets and bedspread- which I also use the disposable bed protectors. His PJs smell, and he wears the same smelly jeans daily. If he does change his depends and undershirt, (which is all stained yellowish brown) - he will insist on wearing the same shirt and jeans anyway. How do I handle it? I learned to LET GO. I’ll deal with the health issues if anything comes up, and the hospital can wash him. He isargumentative and combative. I’ve realized that I’m literally chasing my tail... there is NO way possible to have everything clean at the same time. The chair, the bed, the jeans, the Depends, the pajamas.... I cannot do it all. So I gave up. If the chair is clean because I changed the towel and pad, it will be filthy once he sits and leaks. I’ve washed all his bed linens, only to have him refuse to change clothes...and he soils it all the minute he lays down because he’s wet. Let it GO for your own sanity. You will Not win this. i figure if he gets an infection, he will deal with it. What is the absolute worst case scenario? If you can live with that, then it’s ok. Sometimes you have to let the elders make their own choices.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Having to take off your pants and shoes or slippers to change can be a real p.i.t.a. - would you believe it is possible to change without having to do that? Most pull ups can easily be removed by tearing open at the sides. Now take the new one and place it inside the waistband of her pants at her ankles, reach inside the pull up and guide the back down the pant leg and over her toes and foot and back up, then do the other leg. When I first read about this on the forum I practised on myself until I got the hang of it - with several changes a day I thought it was nothing short of a miracle!
Then, as the day goes on and she has accidents, all I do is rip out each one and then there are two dry and then one dry left. It works for her. (and me, since the bathroom trips aren't as difficult.) Be best to you and know that you aren't alone!
Did take me a minute to fully understand. Love the idea!! I’d be curious of the fit tho. Thx
Listen to Teepas delivery and see if it helps.
My aunt, 92, changes her depends when she needs to, but balks at changing her clothes with her weekend aide. The weekday aide doesnt have a problem. It’s all about timing and communication style with my aunt. Don’t get into a contest of wills.
http://myalzheimersstory.com/2015/04/05/5-top-dementia-care-tips-from-teepa-snow/
Is she on any mood stabilizers? I think I would pursue that with her doctor and see if she becomes more compliant.
I have not dealt with this personally, inconsistent was my deal breaker, so I let the professionals handle it.
Someone that has been there will chime in.
If not you may need to set up a toileting schedule for her where you actually accompany her into the bathroom.
Frequent UTIs at times. I remind her that her mother died from a UTI that became septic, but with dementia that doesn’t stick or help long term.
Have you heard of silent UTIs. As we age you can’t feel the pain of UTIs. Don’t know you have.
Also, this is gross, but I’ve seen mom pick out a “marble” of fecal material then announce that the pad isn’t dirty and demand it not be changed. (It was). So dementia (Poor judgement and reasoning skills!!!!)
How do I handle it? I learned to LET GO. I’ll deal with the health issues if anything comes up, and the hospital can wash him. He isargumentative and combative. I’ve realized that I’m literally chasing my tail... there is NO way possible to have everything clean at the same time. The chair, the bed, the jeans, the Depends, the pajamas.... I cannot do it all. So I gave up. If the chair is clean because I changed the towel and pad, it will be filthy once he sits and leaks. I’ve washed all his bed linens, only to have him refuse to change clothes...and he soils it all the minute he lays down because he’s wet.
Let it GO for your own sanity. You will Not win this.
i figure if he gets an infection, he will deal with it. What is the absolute worst case scenario? If you can live with that, then it’s ok. Sometimes you have to let the elders make their own choices.