Well folks. We have finally reached our in home care limit. A few of you kind souls have suggested in prior posts, but we just were not there yet (collectively). However, MIL’s behavior has escalated to the point where we do not feel it is best for her to be around in the home as it is so disruptive, we are both having nervous breakdowns. Hubby and I have both been so on edge with anticipating MIL’s moods, and she got incredibly aggressive towards me today, lunging at me and screaming profanities unprovoked. This has happened before multiple times, but something about this outburst was different and we could both feel it. MIL has made me the “chosen one” and I seem to be the target of her anger and aggression. We have decided to place her for her well-being and our mental health. I have been waking up shaking, with palpitations, and on edge knowing what’s in store for me / us and hubby has too. We have given it our best effort. Are we terrible people for doing this?
Not everything can be fixed. Not everything can be made perfect and wonderful. Some things have to be endured the best way you can
It's a kind of hubris to think we are Gods who have control of everything, who can fix everything. A just aren't. The job description for a Saint is pretty bad. They have to try to fix everythng for us, we shoot them full of arrows, then they go to heaven and we pray to them to fix everything for us.
Allow yourself the grief. This is worth grieving. Visit. Be as kind as you can. Understand the grief and pain of your elder. Embrace that you have done what you can. I am so sorry for the pain, but so glad of your decision.
But in a facility AL. MC or SN a person will be safe and cared for. Now it will not be the same 1-1 care ratio that they get at home but someone is always there. And in most cases the facilities have been built with safety in mind.
You are not "terrible" for placing someone in a place where they will get the care they need at the level they need.
Dump the guilt and look forward to a life without this horrendous burden. I hope the move happens soon and goes well.
Not that you have anything to feel guilty about but I get that guilt feeling when you have to do something you know you have to do but know the other person is going to be upset about it.
No reason at all to feel guilty! You are doing what is necessary. You can feel badly that she is suffering from her situation.
I think that you will be surprised at how she will be able to adjust to her new surroundings. So often, our loved ones do better with others than they do with their families.