First visit from caregiver tomorrow, any advice?

First, I love it that you asked for advice.
And it is so understandable that you are nervous, a stranger arriving that will get to know your family's personal needs intimately.

Welcome the help, it truly is a new era.

But that is not my advice. Here it is: (Because I already made some mistakes having help come in):

Treat the caregiver as a professional, and expect from her/him the same.
Think on these things:
1) The caregiver will have no authority over you, and should not start telling you what to do.
2) The caregiver will not solve all of your problems or take over (should not take over).
3) Keep your boundaries up.
4) No need to share everything or too soon.

Come back and ask anything of your fellow caregivers here.

Basically you want a caregiver who is upbeat, respectful, gentle and kind. But when you have strangers coming into your house it's also a good idea to lock away your valuables and also financial papers.

Consider that this could mean more to you than someone coming to get to know you for two hours. It’s another person being welcomed into your inner sanctum so to speak. And it’s an acknowledgment that help is needed. and perhaps it’s a release of stress in knowing that help that is truly needed is on its way. It is a life changing moment in time, in you and your DH lives. A pivotal moment where you acknowledge that your time on this plane is shifting and advancing.
My advise is to relax and receive the help that is offered as a natural progression of life and know that you can take a breath now and spend more quality time with your DH.
‘Please come back and let us know how it goes.

Yes, don't take your own advice ! Would you really tell someone to stop whining? What you need - and all of us need - is compassion and understanding.
* I hope / presume that tomorrow is a 'meet and greet' vs an actual day where you will leave your husband in care of this person - ?
IDEAS:
* write questions out before she arrives.
* depending on how verbal / cognition of your husband, ask him what he would like to know about this person.
* certainly ask about references, both work and personal and then CALL the references.
* give this person a couple of possible scenarios of what might / could happen (that you are actually concerned about) and ask her how she would handle it / these situations.
* remember, interviewing doesn't equate hiring. This is a meeting to meet and see if it is a fit - for you and your husband.
* What are the issues / needs of your husband? For instance, does he have angry outbursts? Ask her how she handles these situations. Is he incontinent? Are there any issues with embarrassment for your husband with a female caregiver?
* Tell her what you would like her to do and ask her if she has experience in these areas. Lots of these situations are a combination of common sense. awareness, compassion, and patience.
* Let her know you are nervous or apprehensive as this is the first time you've had to hire someone. Ask her why she would make a good candidate to be your husband's care provider.
* Look for compassion, maturity, honesty, common sense. And, does she look you in the eye?
* Is she live scanned ? (finger printed and criminal check). You will need to do this unless she is from an agency wherein they are supposed to / required to do these things.
Lastly, how do you want to handle safety measures due to Covid? Is she to wear a mask for the time she is with you/r husband? Ask her for proof of vaccinations. If no vaccines, do not hire her. At this point, she should have the booster, too.
* * *
Gena

Be positive. We have been through this many times. If you are using a service, you can ask for someone else if you really are not comfortable with your caregiver. It is a journey and you are both people who need to establish excellent communication and trust. Trust is going to take some time. Your caregiver has experience in this if they have been in the job for a while. My Mom has liked some of her caregivers, and not others. We have to accept if I am not comfortable, or she is not, we have to change something. For her routines are very important, and someone who does not talk too fast, older caregivers are better for her. For me, it was to establish good communication and a way to keep in touch and what is important to me. They have to support my rules with my Mom. You have to tell your caregiver what is important, how often you want to be informed.

Your fears are legitimate. I was in the same place as you 11 months ago. I was very exhausted and overwhelmed, but uneasy with having a caregiver come. I started having her come once a week for four hours, then twice weekly, and now three times week a week for four hours. I am very comfortable with my caregiver. I do not have her do any household chores. She plays games with my husband, watches TV, etc. I can go shopping or have lunch with a friend and know that he is well taken care of. I am enjoying my "me" time. Give yourself permission to have a little time for yourself. You will be glad you did. (((((Hugs to you)))))

Just remember...this is your home. There should be no disrespect to you. Like everyone, no two people to a job the same. But you do have a right to ask certain things of the aide. She needs to clean up after herself and your husband. Like I said before, she does not make more work for you.

One of the most difficult things to do as a caregiver...(actually 2 things)
ACCEPT help
ASK for help.
And I guess another is to know you limits.
You will lose friends during this journey. They will stop calling and asking if you want to meet for lunch, or go to a movie (has anyone really been to a movie theater in the past 1 1/2- 2 years?)
People will say "OH, if there is anything I can do let me know." Well you need to take them up on the offer.
If you don't have help that day say, "That is a great offer Sue, I really need a dozen eggs and a gallon of milk. If you can stop at the store and get those for me I will make lunch and we can sit and chat."

Keep a list of things that need to be done so if someone asks you can give them the top 2 items on the list.
Your friends want to help but don't know what help you need.

If your husbands friends call up say "Bill" would love it if you came and played a game of cards with him (or talked about the game...whatever) An hour with a friend you can run to the store and pick up a few items you need. (Just make sure your husbands friend is ok with being left for an hour or so.)

It will get easier having people come in and help.

It’s a good idea to install some cameras. Most aids appear good. Some are and some are not. They should NOT be on their phone while on duty and they should be connecting and working with your husband not watching movies or eating all your food. I’ve learned from personal
experience. Good luck 🍀

Of course you are nervous, and I would be too. I would be upfront and honest and just state your honest feelings. The caretaker may feel the same. Go gently and lay down some initial boundaries and rules and get to know each other. But here is the most important thing - it is perfectly "normal" when we meet someone new, we feel we "click" or we are not compatible. We just know - look at the personality they have and get a sense if you two and the patient would mesh. For example, I am handicapped but force myself to do everything myself. But if I ever had to have help, I need someone warm and caring and very outgoing. It is impossible for me to have people around me who don't speak or who are very cold and distant or very short in their replies. I would be miserable and would make them leave. I do not ever want anyone who is not very open and friendly and interactive. I could not handle it and refuse anyone like that now to help - and there are too many here like that. Let the chemistry help you know if you have the right person.