I understand everyone suffering from this dreaded disease called Alzheimer's is different but we all seem to be headed in the same direction. But I/we are trying to prepare for the future. I have so many ideas, but I don't know if they would be feasible.
One thing I think we’ve all discovered is that when we are caring for loved ones with mental and/or physical issues, there are really no hard and fast rules. It’s difficult to say, “well, when this happens, we will do this for or say that to them.” Ideas are wonderful but with this dementia, this awful disease, we all fly by the seat of our pants.
The single most important thing to do, in my opinion, is to know when to say when. You’re loved one will not be walking around with a sign that says, “I’m ready.” Plan now for placement. Plan now for what you will say to them and research this site for help. Plan for finances and help if she’ll need it. There are many surprises when we deal with our loved ones on a day to day basis, but one thing we can plan for is how we react when these tough decisions need to be made.
What I see is deterioration of self esteem through caregiving for a disagreeable MIL. It's literally sucking you in and down, like quicksand.
Is your husband helping at all with caring for MIL, or are you stuck with everything? I apologize if you've addressed that in other threads.
I think you probably know that if you segue into subordinating your own rights and needs b/c of MIL (or anyone else), that you're slipping a little bit further each time into that quicksand trap?
And, if grandma was running around airing out her altogether, well, too bad. We keep saying she has a whole family to care for her. Or she should have. Not your fault if you are out getting help for yourself.