How can I get my mom's money from my sister?

Ok. Tough situation. You did the right thing contacting Elder Affairs. I think what your sister did is illegal....depends on the Power of Attorney thing. You can contact your Department of Social Services and ask for Elder Affairs or whatever and tell them suspect there as been some Elder Abuse. This can be anonymous. They should have 24 hours in which to respond, and if they don't, call and don't be so anonymous this time - as it sounds as if your sister does not care. This is a borderline illegal issue on her part as you essentially have the care of your mother without any resources to care for her. Then, if necessary show up at Social Services and rant. I worked for Lutheran Services as a legal guardian for the elderly. I handled accounts, gathering of income and court reports of assets. So I know a bit of what I'm talking about. If Elderly Services doesn't respond, here are some suggestions: Call your attorney or find one, some will work pro bono in these cases, until money is moved upon court order. Ask for Legal Guardianship for your mom. It may cost, but that is legal to use her money for it, because it is in her best interests - if she becomes ill, or needs to go to a facility - of course she will need it. Now, it sounds to me as if your sister has taken the money, "hid" it in an account to "spend down" in order to put her in the nursing home without paying the full nursing home fees. This is legal. . . . but the way she is doing it, is questionable, when it leaves your mom in need or the total burden of her care on you. So, in other words if you are appointed legal guardian, you will have papers, your sister will HAVE to account for what she spent on your mother, the rest of money will be put in a guardianship account for care of your mother by you, though you will have some accounting to do to the court, when you get her assets & income gathered, a simple form, but that is a good thing and not too tedious for someone who is not wealthy. There is nothing worse than relatives that want the money but not the care of an elderly. Stress. This process would relieve your stress. But either Elderly Services through your state or the court needs to be involved. Hope this info helps some.

if medicaid finds out that this is your mom's money she will be disqualified from medicaid and they will do something...make you repay it or spend it down on your mother's care. If an attorney won't touch it (why?) and if you have documentation, call adult protective services and report financial elder abuse and let them know you have all the paperwork. however, because they are an entity they may report these funds to medicaid....but i am not sure. There must be a way to get your mom's money. What was your sister doing with her social security check every month; this too is financial abuse at its best. OMG. please keep us posted and if i think of anything else. .....

I disagree with the other poster who said your sister spent your moms money down; spending it down means using it for your moms care and needs, not to go in your sisters bank account Your sister was hiding money so your mom would qualify for medicaid which is illegal. Taking an elder ss check is also illegal and it is illegal because the money belongs to your mother and your sister will not give it to you or your mother. You are allowed to have that money for your mom's care esp as POA...your mom may be dental work and who knows what else in the future. This is dispicable.(sp) ....I would start putting papers toether on how much you have spent on your mom in the time she was living with you so you get reimbursed from that money your mom received; namely, as a caregiver 24/7 medicaid allows you to pay yourself.
I don't think that in order to legally get this money you will be able to stay anonymous for too long. I am livid just reading this story of greed and anger towards you by your sister. she sounds like my sister.

What your sister did could be illegal.She may need to sit down with Social Services and Medicaid and get a better understanding of how the system works.Was the months bill at the nursing home paid for by Medicaid?Most nursing homes run about $6000 - $8000 per month and assisted living can go from approx.$1500 - $4500 depending on level of care if you are paying out of pocket.I would check first if this bill was paid in full and by who.Nonetheless your mother must spend down all assets before going on Medicaid.Some states allow $1500 in remaining cash (usually in the POA's guardinship account). If they have already paid bills and they find out your mother has assets they will want to be paid back before they cover forward expenses.I really don't understand how your sister could apply for your mother's Medicaid when you are the POA.

in california one is allowed to have 2k in assets

how did you get a hold of your moms bank records!!!???? does it show withdrawals and to what account? If so and you can prove your sister did this, all of which is fraud and illegal i would definately file charges...your mom deserves her money for her care until the day she dies, and you deserve, if you want to take it, to be paid for 24/7 care. Please keep us posted.

This money could be construed as a "gift" depending on what mother would say and there is a certain amount of time allowed for the transaction before one runs afoul of the laws, but at least a year. I think it might depend on State law. Also many states allow you to keep the home if one goes to assisted living, with the intention of returning to the home.

Omg I would not become POA, your sister is liable for all of that money for mismanagement. If you become POA and know this, you could be liable. Of course an attorney would take this case. You have to get to a lawyer asap and straighten this out, then take Mom home and give her a great life. You will get the money and be okay, but you have to do it the right way, or, you may be in big trouble. Lawyers are free first time and you will eventually need his help and your moms SS or sisters hidden money will pay for it if needed. IN fact, not only will you become DPOA, you could make out a caregivers contract and get paid for doing so. Getting paid really helps you, and for diapers, supplies, food, electric, heat etc. Good luck

I just wanted to reach out and say, what a mess. Hugs to you. Wish I could offer an answer, but I am no attorney. Look into state laws & ask for an attorney that specifically handles The Elderly.

well I am in a similar situation, but my hands are tied. I live with my mother and her current husband they are good people thank God. but the rest of the family is a real mess I take care of mom and jack all the time except for my full time job and finnacially I am supporting my daughter and her husband for almost 5 years the recession put them out of work. There is very little to no help from her dad. back to the who is in charge of the money my sister is POA after dad died the money from the sale of their home and who knows what else went in to a mutual acct with my brother's name on it that's more than ten years ago now the moneys suppose to going into a trust in my sister name. well my brother can not read are write and his wife does not trust my sister so she threatened my brother with a divorce if he signs and they each have a lawyer. Right now they are in a stale mate. Mom is paying of course for the legal fees not my sister. and my sister has been moving money around from what mom doesn't spend each month almost 40k for the last ten years. Who knows what going on I don't Mom wants us to trust my sister but that's almost impossible, she has done too many things to the rest of us for so long and she does not even try to make amends. I didn't live here when dad died and there was no where else for mom to go. My concern is that with this mess I can't get a legal contract for taking care of the two elderly folks and no one else lifts a finger to help it's all mine. I don't get paid near enough for all the work and time I have to give to keep them healthy and happy. his children don't even ask me how things are. It's a wait and see game. I can't afford a lawyer for myself in this mess. and they think I am getting free room and board instead of live in care. Life is not fair. really not sure what else to do. Living one day at a time.

Perhaps your sister views the situation totally differently & perhaps the attorney's too since you mentioned "they won't touch it w/a 10 ft pole". So say ........

Sissy for the past 2.5 years has been managing mom's finances.

Mom has not objected to Sissy's management. Sissy see's mom regularly and takes her to medical appointments and other outings.

Mom lives with Ann who is handicapped as she is blind & doesn't drive.

Sissy provides mom (& therefore Ann) with debit card for mom's needs.Ann does not ask for personal service contract or other payment (income) for her caregiving. Therefore Sissy does not have to do a 1099 to Ann for the $ spent.

Sissy regularly hears from mom that she (mom) finds living at Ann's worrisome and often feels she is a burden @ Ann's especially since Ann is blind. Mom worries about what would happen in an emergency, etc. Ann can't drive.

Sissy realizes that mom's living @ Ann's will be problematic long term & starts to "spend down" assets for the day that mom needs NH. In 18 mo, Sissy spends 11K or $ 611 a mo. with 8K diverted to an emergency account for mom. Sissy still provides a monthly amount in the debit card for mom's needs during that time for Ann. Sissy pays for mom's expenses - could have paid for insurance, Rx, dentist,glasses, clothing, burial policy, old debt,hearing aides. We don't know what the 3K $ spent on over 18 months.

Mom goes to visit NH and just loves it - staff is astounded to have a resident that
can't wait to move in. Mom passes NH evaluation for medical necessity for NH.

Mom applies for Medicaid. Application passes state review. Whatever Sissy did with assets was acceptable to state NH Medicaid eligibility review.

Sissy moves mom into NH and signs over mom's income for payment, etc as per state's NH Medicaid rules. Sissy feels mom's future care will be secure. Relief.

Ann goes to NH and makes NH discharge mom to her care.

NH contacts Sissy. Sissy is at wits end in having to deal with Ann & feels Ann is not realistic for what is best for mom's long term and her own situation.......

Maybe this isn't Sissy at all but I bet alot of the above is. It is all so very sad as what the focus of all this energy and time should be about what is best over the long haul for mom. Careful what you wish for as Elder Affairs or APS may find that a blind caregiver who cannot drive should not be given this responsibility & then recommends that an outside guardian be named for your mom or names a independent temporary guardian until best suitability is determined legally.

I bet attorney's won't touch it because what Sissy has done would likely be viewed as the best situation for mom's long term needs rather that taking mom out of a NH and into living with a blind daughter no matter how good your intentions are. 8K special account is a very modest amount and could well be the set aside for burial or for dental or 6 - 8 weeks of NH room & board. 3K spent over 18 mo is $ 166 a month, again a modest amount to spend. You said Mom "was excited to move into a NH" which staff can attest to, that doesn't show your acceptance of your mom's expressed feelings. Sissy's spend down could be viewed as a financially savvy & prudent act of a daughter concerned about stability & ability of her mothers care & caregivers. If APS compares living in a skilled & staffed NH vs. living with a perhaps limited ability caregiver, that doesn't look good for you. So really think through all this as evenly as possible.
There's always the other side of every story.

UPDATE: Thank you all for your thoughts and insights! I really appreciate it, but it appears since sis's name was on moms account too that there is nothing that can be done about the almost 11,000.00 that was removed.

Yesterday I was completely locked out of moms bank account so I had to get mom to her bank and we closed the account and sis has abosultely no access any longer. There is more distorted crap happening with this, and I will spare you all, just know that you can steal money from somebody you have a joint account with and it's appearantly ok. So nothing I can do to recover what Mom lost, but at least now her Soc. Sec. is 100% protected . I can live with that. My sister has to live with herself. Thanks again for your insights!!

Oh, as for adult protective services, I never got a call back..appearantly stealing a parents money is not that important, and I suppose that is true compared to people with real problems out there!!!

Igloo572: That is an excellent example of Sissy 'potential' perspective, and that of others who may view these circumstances, and quite realistic. But inaccurate.
First "blind daughter" has low vision which poses very little issue in Moms care. The only issue concerning Moms care is transportation, and there are means to abide by that suit that purpose quite well. In fact, as truth stands, the ONLY time Sissy spent with Mom was for that sole purpose-- Transport ----with a few exceptions. Just a few years back she'd come and just take her out for a day or bring her something. But I can assure you with absolute confidence and truth from the soul that was All.
I have countless emails, not only from Sissy, but from our other sister as well, expressing the difficulty in caring for Mom. Both sisters admittedly cannot and will not take on such a task as it is just 'too much and too hard" to deal with Mom. They exaggerate how Mom is demanding and unappreciative Mom is and how stubborn she is. The exasperation in their voices when I listen to them as they talk about our mother being so difficult is absolutely uncalled for, as they seem to think their Mom is the epitome of a hard core care case. Neither of these two women have a clue about love--neither have a clue about compassion and heartfelt caring, as one sister has two grown sons--one barely tolerating her at all, and the other son has not spoken to her in many years (10 or more) and shields his family from her. He moved them from FL to GA just to get his children away from her. Sissy, the one I am dealing with here has NO children. She has dogs..and her love is her dogs. She does rescue work, and is very good at her job and responsibilities with care, and placing them in homes. It is not uncommon for her to have 7 to 10 dogs at any given time, including the 5 she owns herself. She is an excellent caretaker--for dogs. Mom, she cannot tolerate and as I said, I have it in writing---over and over again on different dates. And I have heard it with my ears too many times to count.
The nursing home thing was a joke. It was a power play by Sissy. Think what you like--we lived it. We watched as Sissy planted the idea seeds. Mom liked the idea. We kept silent. (We means my husband, and my three adult sons.) We let it play out. Mom was happy for the first few days to a week or so in there...all new, all different--then she got to where she was not even getting out of her room, refusing to get involved with activities and exercise and other people. By the third week, Sissy had completely stopped coming by and that is when she called me and told me she was at wits end. She told me Mom kept calling her to do little things for her and she just didn't have time, didn't have the energy, and was just too overwhelmed with her own stuff. I reminded her mom never needed to go in there.
The nursing home staff had already determined Mom was not in need of their services, and that she never even needed to be admitted in the first place. Mom hand wrote a note to herself that says " I was just told I don't belong here". I still have that note.
Two days after Sissy called me to complain about not having time or energy to go deal with Mom, she called again. This time, she was completely out of her mind! She was crying and told me again she just cannot deal with Mom any long, and then told me she thought by putting Mom in a nursing home she would not have to deal with her any more. At that point Sissy had not visited Mom in several days, and Mom was calling her to pick up this, or please get her that...and Sissy had had enough. She cried that she was done and she couldn't take Mom anymore. I told her I was bringing mom home. And I did.
Sissy voluntarily turned over access to Moms account two weeks later. She told me she was done. She told me she was going to stop interfering in our lives and I could have moms full soc. sec. check to spend as I saw fit for Mom. I felt both relief and apprehension--I knew this was not the real deal..I knew this was not the end of her causing dissention in the family. I never said a word. BUT I already had planned to obtain Representative Payee from Social Security, after all Mom lived with me since 2010 and I had been paying for the majority of her care. I didn't mind. Money would have helped and we did the best we could. Mom never went without. After the little stint in the nursing home, Mom was no longer going to be used as a pawn.
I left the account so Sissy could see just how I did spend Moms money. I had nothing to hide, unlike her. So she could peer into the account any time she wanted. We got Mom treats and healthy foods we normally could not always afford. I paid a few small bills, and got Mom new bras and pads and whatever she mentioned she wanted from Walmart. And we bought her a new MUCH NEEDED bed, and new pillows and coverings. Mom was thrilled, but Sissy was livid. Moms new bed got tuned into 'a whole room full of furniture, and then what next, you whole house too!". Yes, Sissy was mad cos Mom got a bed and I might just decide to furnish the whole house while I am at it. Hmmmm. Welp, here we go! I spent Moms money on things she needed and wanted...it IS her money..and Sissy didn't like that. After all, why wasn't I just saving it? Why do I have to spend every dime of moms money! (There was over 400.00 at the end of the month in August, mind you) .
If you think 'blind daughter' may be lacking in some capacity to care for Mom, then you better think again. This home provides peace, security and love. I do not see Mom in the same light that my sisters do....I see Mom as one of the most benevolent beings on the planet! She is kind, and always says thank you, and she is funny! We laugh alot, we sit together and spend time together. We have a good bond and Mom knows she is well cared for. I never ONCE--EVER batched about caring for Mom to my sisters in the way they have! I just don't see it! Never did! I grow flowers and a huge vegetable garden, for her to see outside her window, and have a regular bird feeder and a hummer feeder there to watch bird theatre all day. She has an excellent life. And she is loved by me, hubby and her three grandsons who all dote on her.
As for spending Moms money down to avoid medicaid, no, that is not what she did. She simply lied about Moms assets. Nothing was spent down. It was hidden. My other sister has it and they can keep it.
These two sisters (both Jehovas Witnesses) have hated each other for many years. I have been the mediator between the two of them for almost 20 years. They cannot get along. They fight and blame each other for the stupidest things!!! and I have listened to both sides. Now that Mom is in my care and Sissy turned the bank account over to me, those two sisters have gotten along pretty darn well. Interesting. They have a nest egg to share. They can have it. I have Moms trust and I get to see her every day and laugh and care for her the way she did me when I was little. If this helps the two of them get along better, so be it.
So Igloo, nice try, just not quite on target. Actually, with the skills and ability to surmise the situation, I'd love to have you over and share some coffee or tea, and maybe with your keen insight, you might be able to show me a perspective on things that would help me cope with the loss of a sister I once trusted and loved dearly, and also cope with the full brunt of caring for an elderly parent without any help (other than money management) from my siblings. Both of my sisters are bi-polar, and are on some serious medications that I think need re-evaluating. I have forgiven them over and over again for the mean and hateful things they say and do, but no more. They both drain my energy and I need it to keep on keeping on. Know what I mean? :)

Shamir, you go girl, take the high road and give mom the best life possible, I am doing the same. Can I recommend Lawrence Welk dvd's to you and some music, my mom cannot really see, understand, walk or talk but her feet go to the music. We sing to her and get a few words out of her with out loud belly laughs which bring tears to our eyes! Your story is so familiar and I went through something so similar. I do have DPOA and a caregivers contract now and they were so worth it
To get the siblings off my back. I Record every penny and hire weekend help for respite. Bless you, hang in there and big kisses to mom.

i would lovethe lawrence welk recommendations; my mom is 84 and i got an ink spots cd; i remember my mom and dad had some of their records.

Milestones and Memories DVD is the name of it by Lawrence Welk. I bought Moms on Amazon for $59 but they are a lot less now. Its on for hours and its great, I love watching Mom light up when its on. Ink spots? I will have to look that up! haha

Update to original post: I LOVE the Lawrence Welk idea! Thanks sooo much!

Elder Affairs representative called me a few days ago...he doesn't like what's going down here, and is coming to talk with Mom about her rights to her own funds. He fully understandsd that there is a hint of selfish greed here. I spoke wit him last spring too, so he had background on my situation a long time ago. I contacted him to tell him my sister had all moms money tied up and it was causing problems for all of us. So lets see what next week brings. Personally, I'd like to see the money in anyone else's hands but these two women who justify stealing it by accusing me of spending it. Siiiigh. I feel okay with whatever happens. Just as long as they keep their manic mood swings and off the wall accusations away from me.

:) Peace

yeah. i hold the position that they committted ss fraud by taking your mother's ss check each month. please let us know the outcome.

I will know more Monday when Dept of Elder Affairs comes to talk with mom about getting her money back in her reach. Thanks!

Please call protective services again. My brother was POA and on mom's account but he hid all her money in different accounts. Protective Services from you local Area on Aging will most definitely investigate. BE PERSISTENT. They got back to me in a couple days so keep trying please. You have to act on behalf of your parent. Protective Services made my brother return all the money and he also had several thousands of dollars unaccounted for.

UPDATE: Representative from Elder Affiars came by and was here three hours. In short, an attorney will be dealing with Sissy now to recoup Moms money and place it where she can have access to it anytime she needs it or wants it. I gave him all the evidence showing money going into Sissy account, and that Sissy is now hiding it and justifying that by claimng I will blow it. He sees there is no truth to that and is on his way to get all this mess put in proper order. Thank God. He talked with Mom for three hours and confirmed her wish that her own money be placed in her reach. So far, so good.

Great, keep us updated s we can all learn please!

I believe I suggested this earlier but also the social security administration will do a fraud investigation, Please keep us posted

Great. It worked for my dad. Good Luck!!!! Sissy will have to account for all of it.

I'm so glad you are getting the help and thanks to others here who gave their experiences. We can all learn.

Great what?What happended? Please let us know. Thinking of you in CA

Suzmarie, the represenative from County Legal Services of Mid FL who is the area Elder Advocate, came to our home and spend about three hours with mom, me and my partner yesterday. I gave him copies of emails, bank statements and everything he needs on Moms behalf. He talked to Mom and made it clear that what Sissy had done in taking her money and refusing access to it unless she approved was exploitation. I gave him a handwritten paper in which Sissy had stated she intended to keep whatever monies were left over and split it between us siblings. He is taking this information to an attorney to work on Moms behalf in getting her money returned and accessible. Sissy has almost 8,000 and even had the audacity to try to negotiate with me for 500.00 to continue to go to savings each month and I could keep the rest for Moms expenses! I showed him that email too.

For not wanting anything to do with Mom she sure wants that money. I think me and Mom will sit down and have her will drawn up, and everything left over will go to a charity. Not children. Not even me.

I won't know more until next week, maybe id October.

@shamir i am so glad you updated me/us. You have done a terrific job in protecting your mother and trying to re coup what is rightfully hers. Your sis was pretty XXX for putting all that information in writing..I cannot express at this time how proud I am of you in doing what is right for your mom. You never know what she will need in the future so now you will hopefully have some financial resources! My sis sure wants the money too. My mom had to come with me to No CA for surgery (long painful story). I tried to get mom home to So CA but sister would not respond to my emails...I kept trying tho because that i what my mother wanted. Even after my sis told me never to contact her again (she can yell and scream at me and make stupid unfounded accusations but when i pointed out her short comings she couldn't take the heat and all my points are documented), i called my sister. Husband got on the phone and told me to come to so ca right now and put their names on moms bank accounts....i explained to him that i couldn't take time off from work at this time (I had missed so much work because of all of moms medical emergencies and surgeries but I sure was willing to ask for a Friday off and go down their over a week-end but not right away...i was afraid of osing my job quite frankly. WhenI said i coul so dn't do it right now he hung up on me so i guess they really wanted the money also...no inquiries about how mom was doing...no inquiries about coming to see her--we haven't talked since he hung up on me and they have never visited mom. My sister and her husband viewed my mom as a burden, someone they had to invite at Christmas because mom had no one else etc etc.
I didn't mean to rant. I don't know you but I am so proud of what you are doing!!!! i do hope you will continue to keep me/us posted. I would like very much to see a favorable outcome for you and your mom.
I would like to have you reconsider the piece about donating to charity...don't make any rash decisions. I believe you could accept any inheritance and then put in your will to leave it to charity. You have given so much to your mom you deserve to be paid in some way for your dedication to her. I know having a parent living with you is not cheap. I spent over 30k on my mom over a 2 year period. I more or less knew at the onset there would probably never be any money for me but that was ok.
My sister took 32k of moms money when mom was a stage 4 or 5 for cars for her kids; my mom's trust reads that i should get 32k when she dies plus 20k for taking care of her but there is no money left for her to leave me. Mom is on medicaid now. My heart believes in integrity and protecting not only our children (I have none) but also our parents.
Just a small added note; my poor mom took her car in for an oil change at jiffy lube many years ago. 700 dollars later.....my sister laughed at how stupid my mom was...i got on the phone. the district attorney in mom's county took the case and mom ended up getting all of her money back and there was a class action suit against jiffy lube. I am a fighter of justice like you. If you prefer to update me privately i will click on your name and see if i can leave you my email privately. Thinking of you.

Update: Dec 4
Just a quick note to say I have not heard a peep from my sis since last August when she decked me for asking about the money she took from Moms account. BUT you'll LOVE this ....

Last week, on the 26th of November I got a call from my Elder Advocate Gentleman. He had been trying to get hold of my sister (the one who took money from mom and put in her own account) but he was not getting a response. He wanted to know if I had heard anything or had any news...and he was actually hoping things were leveling out and had gotten better. Nope. No news and nothing heard from her either. I hadn't made any attempts to contact her either as she has my emails blocked and won't answer her phone.

As I was speaking with him, he interrupts and says, "oh wait, guess who's calling me? Your sister is calling me now...can I call you back?" Of course, and we hung up. About that same time, my hubby comes in with the mail. In it is a letter to Mom from my sister. I took it to her and let her open and read it, and I returned to my room. I'd see the letter later, right now I needed to hear from Mr. B.

10 minutes later Mr B calls back...."Your sister has some concerns and I think we need to address these issues...when can I come see you?" I told him when whenever he wanted, that afternoon if he wanted to. I asked why, what was up? "You sister seems to think your mother is not happy there, and that she is not being taken care of and wishes to move to an ALF". I said, "Come on over, I am not going anywhere."

I went in to see Mom over in her room, told her Mr. B was coming over. She handed me the letter from sissy. I read it and took it with a grain of salt---if only it were true!!!!

The letter expressed how much she missed mom--talked about all the fun they used to have going shopping and out to eat and just sitting in parks and such. She wanted to see her! Thats not such a bad thing...since all that is true....and I'd never stand between my sis and her mom--my mom--our mom, had she not decked me in the jaw for asking about the money she stole from Moms account and have a police report on her...nor would I stand between her and mom if she hadn't blatantly lied outright to Mr. B, compelling him to drive 50 miles to see to if mom was indeed miserable and unhappy and not cared for . He had to find out for himself if Mom wanted to live here, or in ALF. . She really made an idiot of herself...again.

It was soooo strange...how all that happened at the same time--the same morning!. Mr B calling and her letter arriving....truth is stranger than fiction sometimes. Makes ya wonder....

Mr. B arrives about an hour and a half later, at which time he is led straight to Mom. Mom is sitting in her favorite spot watching Bird Theater outside her window, and a pleasant look on her face. I asked Mr. B if he wanted me to disappear so he could talk to Mom, and he said yes. I did.

About 45 minutes later I return and join the two of them who are giggling and being content to just talk together. The three of us chatted for another two hours! The claims sissy made were completely unfounded. He had read the letter that had just arrived from sissy. He talked to Mom about the money sissy took. he asked her if she wanted it back. She told him yes, so he picked up his cell phone and called sissy right there on the spot. He put Mom on the phone with her. He told Mom, "If you want your money back, then all ya gotta do is tell your daughter to return it." Mom looked bewildered, a bit taken aback...but she heard sissy's voice. Her own cracked as she said "Hello, XXX, you know that money you took from my account....?" I could hear sissy say yeah,.... "I'd like it back". Her voice cracked again. Sissy probably thought mom was being made to say that. Like she was under duress. I imagine it had to be very painful that she'd even have to be asking for her own money to be given back. That would suck.

Mom told her one more time she'd like her money back and sissy said she would give it back. She then put Mr. B on the phone. Mr. B explained to sissy that the money she took is Moms, and that Mom is asking for it back. He also explained that he was looking at Mom, had spent considerable time talking with her, checked things out and all her allegations about mom were unfounded and not true. He told sissy that mom did not want to live in an ALF and was very happy there and it was evident she was well cared for. I could hear my sisters voice rising as he told Mr B that I spend all my mom's money and that if she gives all that money back, then I will just blow it. He asked her what does she mean by blowing it..how does XXX spend your mothers money that is wrong? Sissy told him I go to Walmart alot and I bought a new bed and a bunch of stuff for her room...and that I am not to be trusted and am evil. He looked a little bewildered. He brushed it all off and told her he'd call when he had the account info for Sissy to return the money to Mom. She said okay. Click.

That was a week ago. I just sent Mr. B the account info yesterday. I had waited and wanted to do some research because this money issue is a real PITA. Remember Sissy got Mom qualified for Medicaid? You know where this is going, don't you? Now what? Siiiigh. This has been so exasperating. I spent hours and hours poring over information both here o this site and others to locate a solution. If...and when moms money does get returned it needs to get spent down asap, which is okay. For al I care Mom does not even need Medicaid, but she may one day inwhich time I have to explain how that big fat lump sum got deposited in her account.

Mom? She is just happy to 'be'. She wants all the stupid pettiness to end and for us girls to stop fighting. That's good...me too. I didn't pick this fight or start it. I am just ready for some resolve.

Thats that...for now.

I would say this is much more than pettiness. It's downright theft. If you have POA you can go to and/or call medicaid and give them your address. This is fraud if your sister is cashing your moms medicaid checks. Don't deposit the money your sister gives mom into any account. Use a safe deposit box. Medicaid will come in very handty if your mom ever "needs" to go to a nursing home. Medicaid will pay a portion and your mom's social security check, a large portion of it will also go to the nursing home
Your mom's social security checks should also be coming to your address. You just need to advise them of an address change. U will probably have to provide some documents, like poa etc. How r u suppose to pay mom's bills etc if the checks are going to your sister?
Please have medicaid ad SS checks sent to your house asap. I always think of you and all that you are going through. Thanks for the recent update.