My mom has dementia and refuses to go to the doctor or take any meds; she has completely stopped taking medicine. My siblings do not want the responsibility of forcing her to go for care by having her strapped down and removed from her home; she refuses to leave. What can we do?
You’re fellow caregivers will likely respond with their personal experiences about getting a loved one to go to the doctor very soon.
In the meantime, here are some articles that you may find useful:
What Do I Do if My Parent Refuses to Go to the Doctor?
https://www.agingcare.com/133384
Choosing a Doctor your Parents Are Comfortable With
https://www.agingcare.com/132483
Top 6 Medication Problems and How to Prevent Them
https://www.agingcare.com/146111
--Anne-Marie, AgingCare.com
In her lucid moments... or those of you who have family members in stage 4 or 5 of Alzheimers take the time to discuss what are the elderly medical outcome goals.
When it becomes a race between heart disease and dementia, many of us would choose a swift heart attack over a slow goodbye any day.
Remember medicine has become a high profit business. It is out choices how deeply we commit ourselves to their goals. My mom can not pee in a cup. She does not like to be underdressed, the hernia she developed 4 years ago we decided not to have surgery on. So what would they find from a blood test that we would arrest the course of?
I have taken my mother off all of her meds. Like a teen freed from ADHD ritilin, she became calm and cuddly and compliant in ways she had not been for months.
I read an article about the cholesterol meds she had been on-- that they are PERHAPS linked to brain plaques.
I am very at peace with my decision (and my siblings and uncle have come along to understand) that we do not want 5 years of this diaper and feeding stage. We do not want her hyped up like she has drunk 5 Red Bulls, her anxiety went up as her mind raced to nowhere.
I do not believe we will ever go to the doctor again until I have a visit to get her declared hospice. She is in stage 7 of her alzheimers and we are saying the slow good bye. A doctor can not help us with this.
I discussed this at her last doctors visit and he shared they made the same decision for his father...... but then he gave her a flu shot. (little non-connect there)
I understand the role doctors have in alleviating suffering and that will come with hospice care.
While I understand that a doctor's first impulse is to treat, I don't understand the lack of compassion it causes by denying a patient a good death. I saw a relative die slowly and painfully while being overtreated. The last time I saw him, in his hospital bed recovering from the umpteenth procedure or test being performed to treat his terminal condition, he said "they wouldn't treat a dog like this." He was right. We have more empathy and compassion for our pets than the medical industry seems to have for us.
Do she like going to lunch, movies, out for coffee? Is there anyone she does trust a sibling of hers, good friend, a clergy person (religion), hairdresser, anyone?
I ask this because sometimes Mom's tell everyone but their daughters they need help and refuse their daughters help. (I had to get a perfect stranger to give Mom her pills one day because she refused my giving them to her.) but it worked. You get my drift. You may feel deceitful but don't worry about how you get to the goal or what Mom wants it's how can I accomplish what's best for her.Keep her on a "NEED TO KNOW BASIS" I had police at my house at least 2 times a week trying to get her inside.... the officer worked with me, I would hide in the house as she was flirting with him she forgot I even existed then he'd lure her inside then leave and lock the door behind him then she'd turn around and say what are you doing here. Then I told her I would leave her alone if she stayed, I'll go away...then I'd go in another room and she agreed. 5 minutes later she'd call me and say why did you leave me alone in here? aren't we going to eat dinner? or ask me if she could go to bed. All as if all the drama never happened. I had to act according to her moods and memory in's and out's but i learned to use them in my favor. Does she have diabetes high and low sugar levels create confusion in thought process. There are good times of day to get better results with cooperation. Sunny days are better mood days. I just had an idea as well I am not sure if this will work but I had to call the ambulance once to pick her up because she refused to go into the car to go home and they came and she agreed to a hospital but if it is a mental condition a psychiatric hospital is were she will be looked at and she may have to spend some time to be evaluated but this is best for diagnosis as well. In this case though she needs to agree to be admitted on her own.