My mother-in-law who is 92 had a doctor visit today but didn't want me to take her because she know i would ask questions to the doctor. Instead her ask her other draughter-in-law to take her because she will not ask questions. My mother-in-law lives with me and i take care of her meds. My reason for wanted to go with her is to get first hand information about her. Not second hand. At this point I feel like I don't care about her blood sugar level or blood presure.
I don't know what to said to my mother-in-law when she will ask me to call her other draughter-in-law and ask what the doctor said to her. Could someone
tell me how to handle this problem.
My point is, even though you have good intentions, maybe she doesn't feel like she's being treated as an adult, with dignity. My mom has dementia and at first I was getting upset and scolding her for things that she couldn't help. It got me nowhere. Then I started talking to her like I would a friend (or my mother), with respect and concern for her feelings. It made things so much easier. We are both happy now and I really feel much better about everything.
Just wanted to add that you need to find out what works for you and your mother in law. The main thing is (even though it's difficult sometimes) to treat her with respect. She obviously still wants to feel like she has some control over things and you would too.
In the end, we all come down to a personal world that is smaller and smaller with fewer and fewer choices of our own. Even if those who care for us truly do want the best for us and would never cheat or harm us, we want the respect and self worth of being grown ups. Even if YOU are not threatening her or to her, the situation and circumstance of her life probably does. So going to the doctor and calling her shots there may be her statement of independence. If she is mentally sharp, perhaps you might work with the other daughter and her doctor(s) to help her take good care of herself. Without a POA they can't tell you much but things can be 'massaged' around. My brother in law thinks my MIL, 92, needs to keep her weight up (she's lost about 8 pounds). She is 5'7" and weighs about 155. So, not skinny or wasting away. She does have a slow growing cancer (probably not what she will die from) and her appetite isn't much anymore due to lack of taste and smell. I say 'respect her wishes" because she isn't deathly thin. And nursing home food, well, stinks!
They may not do things the way we think they should, be to a great extent, I believe a lot of our elderly people are underestimated. It is, after all their choice.
If you husband isn't available or has passed away, perhaps a grandson or grand daughter could go and pass along the information needed to help your
mother in law. I don't understand why the other daughter in law can't let you know what the doctor thinks. She could ask questions too.
Good luck and again bless you for caring for your mother in law. Being a primary caregiver is a thankless job.
Good luck
Elizabeth