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I was adopted at age 5 by a family that could take care of me. My birth mother had schizophrenia and died when I was 4. The state explored placement with my grandma (now 75) but after a history check and mental evaluation found she also had the same issues and the judge allowed me to be adopted and severed all legal ties to her (thankfully). She found me at age 18 and has been a stress on me off and on since (for instance the first thing she said when we talked on the phone was wanting to sue my adoptive family If anything happened to me and get the life Ins $ they had ). She wanted to “rent“ a house I had and paid little to no rent until I sold it. Then she asked if she could stay at my house to avoid going back to the motel to live (she gets $1200 a month in SS and has no debt, but claims she can’t afford a senior apartment or groceries ). She came here and I explained she would need to sleep on the sofa or an air mattress as we had no room and my kids needed their bed/ room. She made a beeline to their room and took over and said “this is my room and bed now “. She took their tv and obsessively watched political news and cursed at the tv. Whenever I would take the kids to my room to get away from her excessive talking and question asking she would stand outside my door or bathroom listening in and wanting to ask questions. (she would shake her finger at me if I was on the phone and say “sooo, and then Her question) , and start responding to things I said to the caller as if I was speaking to her, and could not stop barging into my room and sitting down . I asked her not to use my other bedroom door as a cut through and she continued violating that boundary and got angry and said “now you made me walk around the house to use the bathroom that’s rude “(she had her own bathroom but for whatever reason only wanted to use mine. She would get upset if I left the house and talked nasty about my in laws if I visited them saying I was “obsessed with them”. She expected meals and free room and board and I repeatedly asked her to go to a senior apartment and she kept saying she wanted to stay here because she had no money. I called aps to help and they refused . She tells me it’s “my fault she lives in a motel “(she gave up her apartment after they went up $50 on the rent ) and asked me to buy her a condo to live in. She would sneak into my house and take things and leave . Her mother and grandmother both died of Alzheimer’s in their 80s, could this be a symptom of dementia ? Or could it be the schizophrenia she doesn’t acknowledge? I had to block her after she began cursing at me and making threats towards my in laws whom she’s never met because she didn’t want me speaking to them. Part of me feels bad but I cannot seem to get through to her that a senior place is the best and I am full at my house (she also demanded my husband leave because she doesn’t like men and didn’t want him here ). How can I help someone like this ? I’m really surprised the motel hasn’t called on her

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Nothing about “her” story needs to have anything to do with “your story”.

Nothing she says (NOTHING) that she says or does or expects or wants or demands or curses or in any way attempts to impact on your life is your “job”.

You can’t “help someone like this”. Your desire to try is understandable, but also misplaced,

Your job is yourself, your husband, your children, your in law as, people who have the capacity to RECIPROCATE the feelings you have for them.

Do you have access to a competent cognitive behavioral therapist? You are dealing with issues that may benefit from being carefully untangled. Finding a compassionate, objective therapist may be useful for approaching the “untangling” goals.

You will find encouragement and support here for finding ways to help yourself to get free. Please act on your own behalf.
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I am confused. Where does she live now? Motel?

You have NO moral or legal obligation to this crazy woman to take her in or support in anyway. She will destroy you and your family.

Change the lock to your house. If she trepasses and makes threats, call the police. Do not let her come into your house. When police shows up, tell them her mental condition and her threats. Tell them "you fear for your life and your children's lives."

Hopefully, the police will take her to a hospital for a mental evaluation, and they can find an appropriate place for her to live. That's how you can help her.
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Kcats12 Feb 2023
After I told her I to find a senior apartment and she texted me and cussed and accused me of “being obsessed with my in laws”(this word must make her feel cute because she says this about any other relatives she deems a threat ) she left . She was obsessed with her purse and walked around in circles with it under her arm she had toted her things with her, but she drove back and I was inside my bedroom cleaning and the kids said she snuck in and said something like “your hateful mom ran me off “ and tried to take some boots of mine that weren’t even her size, one of my kids stopped her and said “those aren’t yours they’re not your size “ and she left. She is back at this small motel 1-2 hours away. That’s how I know she CAN afford a sr apartment, she eats out at fast food 3-4X a day, she pays $50+ nightly for a motel and she paid me $125 for rent one mo and $475 another. She always tried to “deduct “ from the rent. Like she said she knew the kitchen cabinets needed replacing, but she said I’m going to deduct for this. Or that $50 tire she paid for, she said she only paid $125 because of that. She owed $1000/ mo. She has had arguments with ppl in public, is extremely prejudiced towards multiple groups of people, and said she doesn’t drink soda or alcohol but at my house she downed a whole 3 liter of soda in a day herself and tried looking for booze in my cabinets which I didn’t have and got upset when she didn’t get any. When I started selling the house, she went online and looked at my realtors listing (who’s my cousin and saw her in action ) she began nitpicking it and saying “this isn’t a 2 full bathroom house because one bathroom has a shower and the other has a tub, that’s 1 full bathroom “ , my cousin told her to pls leave while the buyer views the home and she refused. She said the realty team was going to steal her stuff. They got her to agree to sit in her car , but she stood around the corner listening in and criticized what they said and did. Since my birth mom, her daughter I hardly remember died, she loves to say “I’m the only blood you have! You need to take care of me! After all I’ve done for you”. She did nothing for me, I was adopted at 5, Cps introduced us for a few months when I was 4 until the smart judge stopped visits and we didn’t speak again until I was 18. The records stated all these symptoms were present back in the 80s then and I didn’t listen. She would bother contractors and follow them around asking questions where they wouldn’t do the work because she was in the way. She tried to bribe a plumber to do a hot water heater replacement (that was new and worked perfectly before she moved in) by paying $10 a month, I had decided by that point that I was selling it and he was a friend and knew not to do the work. She also lost the keys to the house and complained about a light in the attic not going off and made him come unscrew the lightbulb because it was “running up her bill” she also claimed a small gap under the door was running up her bill. She kept the ac off and the realtor said they don’t know how she lives like this, it’s the south and it was so hot and dark in that house.
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PB is right, you're not obligated to support or care for her. You can stop the cycle of abuse by getting her the help she needs.
Best of luck
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Your post is very confusing and until I read your responses to others do I see that in fact your grandmother is no longer living with you, but is back at the motel.
Change all the locks on your house, block her number, don't answer the door if she comes over and cut your losses while you can. You owe her nothing!
And MOST importantly find yourself a good therapist as you my dear sound like you have some mental health issues yourself.
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Kcats12 Feb 2023
I think your comment was very rude and condescending. I do not have any mental health issues. In fact, I have two degrees in mental health. Kindly refrain from trying to “diagnose” someone over the internet. Being a sucker and doormat for someone and caring about them and asking for advice on how to help them doesn’t constitute “mental health issues”. If you don’t have anything nice to say…
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You've been through quite a lot with her. But now you can and should be DONE. No one needs that kind of crap in their lives. She was doing her thing before you guys got to know each other and that's where she is going to be again. Block her phone number. Change your number is that doesn't work. Keep your doors locked and do not ever let her in. What a whirlwind. My head is reeling just from reading about it!
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Please take care of yourself!! At times I have "driven around the bend" with my mother. Try to Find a professional - social worker / psychologist /counselor/ etc, who will listen to you when you BEGIN to feel overwhelmed. It doesn't have to be weekly meeting. If the anxiety is taking a toll, talk to your primary care physician about low dose anxiety meds -- just something to take the edge off. Make time for doing something you enjoy and make time for hubby.

Seems like from the very beginning she was more interested in $$ and what you could provide for her than being a grandmother. If it were me, I would not let her back in my home under any circumstances. I agree with changing ALL locks.
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