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Hello! I am in Washington state and I am feeling extremely helpless. We recently found out from my grandpas wife that he was extremely sick and was diagnosed with cancer. We have called for updates for the past 2-3 weeks and she has refused to give any updates on medical information. Last week on 7.18, My dad and I along with my uncle had went down to visit him and his wife had told the charge nurse that we were not allowed in there at all. My mother had called Linda and convinced her to allow my father and uncle in the room. It turned out the cancer was much more progressed and he was completely unconscious and unless he wakes up within the next couple days he won't make it. She is refusing to allow anyone to visit him anymore, and she is no longer giving updates. Is this legal? We have known him our entire lives and someone he's only known for a few years and been married to for a few months is capable and allowed to do this? My sisters, my mom, his other sons all want to see him. What can we do? What are our options....can someone give me some kind of better understanding of the law? please help!!

Maybe your grandfather didn't want people to see him like he is now. His wife could be following his wishes.

As for updates, I've been in the situation where I sent email updates to family members every day. This was when I was completely worn out from hospital and rehab visits in the course of taking care of our LO. No matter what, in the evening when I got home, I always sent a cheery email outlining progress made that day. I didn't want them to feel left out. Guess what - not one of them ever responded or thanked me. Could it be that Grandpa's wife feels unappreciated? I certainly did.

I suggest sending his wife a peace offering thanking her for her care of grandpa and asking what you can do to help HER. That might open the doors.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Seems your Mom can talk to her. As Frequent said, maybe the woman is overwhelmed. One person asking the questions. ICU usually means ine person allowed in for 5 min once every hour. If he is dying, maybe he can be moved toca reg room on confort care. If wife has no POA, then maybe a Son or Daughter can talk to the DON explaining that they have a right to see their father.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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cadencestanton, welcome to the forum. When it comes to situations like this, one needs to put themselves into Grandpa's wife's shoes. She probably is very overwhelmed, plus the thought of possibly losing him. You don't say how old he is.


Hospitals today usually limit the numerous of visitors into the ICU, and with the spike in Covid this summer, I wouldn't be surprised if the ICU is stopping all visitors.


As for updates, is everyone in the family asking for updates, or have you decided on one person to be the go between with Linda? If everyone is rushing her, no wonder she is shutting down. I know I would.
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Reply to freqflyer
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Some patients choose the strongest HIPPA rule to the point that only persons he lists are allowed to visit. Maybe he thought that his cancer diagnosis was minor and he did not want family to know. Now that he is much worse, he is locked into his original intention.
We might want to know from you about how was your communication and rapport before this episode. Sometimes there are 2 sides to a story.
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Reply to MACinCT
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What are the ICU’s rules? They might not be allowing more than a certain number of visitors so they can limit infectious diseases from coming into a section of the hospital where patients are gravely ill.
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Reply to Fawnby
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It's legal, unfortunately, but not very ethical for grandpa's wife to not allow anyone in the family to see him. I'm sorry you're being put thru such a thing, and that grandpa is suffering with cancer. I think I'd try speaking with this woman, from your heart, to explain how you want to see grandpa and say goodbye because you love him. Ask her why she would prevent you from doing So? Maybe she's very frightened and needs a hug herself, Idk.

I hope you have the ability to get thru to this woman, I really do. Best of luck.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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