Hi,
On August 15, 2023. My little girl have left us at age 17 fighting brain tumor (High Grade Giloma) for 3 yrs. Now I'm suffering in pain and I keep on listening to her voice mails. I haven't been sleeping well and I tell myself why her why do all children's out there do to deserve this. Still don't believe it I feel like it is just a dumb dream. We tried 3 different trails and none of them treated her brain tumor. My two boys are taking it hard and my wife also. I've been laying in her bedroom everyday and night. Started smoking again and I hate it.
I lost my son more than 12 years ago. I have changed so much in that time.
I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine losing one of my children. It has to be the worst pain that we could ever feel.
We lose all hope and we can’t seem to find any purposeful meaning in our lives.
Your life does serve a purpose though. You have a wife and two sons who need you.
Take the time needed to grieve. You and your family need to grieve for your horrific loss.
Don’t be concerned about smoking at this point in time. For what it’s worth, you get a free pass regarding smoking. There will be time later on to stop smoking.
Wishing you peace as you navigate through this difficult time. The truth is that it will always hurt to lose your little girl. There won’t be a day that goes by where you won’t think of her.
One day, the pain will become tolerable. Maybe, you will smile at a special cherished memory. Right now the pain is so raw and fresh.
There are in person grief support groups where you can be with others who have lost their family members, spouses and friends. Look up GriefShare in your area.
griefshare.org
Thinking of you and your family as you grieve the loss of your beloved daughter.
I can tell you all the "stuff" that others say that are supposed to comfort, she is out of pain, she is in a better place, now she is not suffering and on and on. All that means nothing and it does not help.
Time will help but you will always have a pain that no one else can relate to.
If your daughter was on Hospice please take advantage of the Bereavement Support that they provide.
Please talk to your doctor, your grief will effect your health. If you have not thought about counseling please consider it. There are Support Groups specific for parents that have had a child die.
Please take care of yourself, take care of your wife and other children. They are hurting as much as you are, hug them, hold them, love them.
I was amazed at how helpful it was, especially since I didn’t think ANYTHING could help before I started.
They have a website online that may be of some help even now, but there will be access to people who will tell you how to find a meeting when you are ready.
I pray every day for ‘those who suffer”, and you and your family will be included.
May the brightness of your memories lighten the sorrow of your loss.
If you are in a church or practice a religion, maybe talk with a minister about how you feel. You're mad at God, maybe even questioning God's existence, and I don't blame you. Even if you can't believe in God right now, it's okay. No loving clergy would turn you away for feeling this way. We've all felt that betrayal at some point, and yours feels the deepest.
I know a few weeks after a loss, people tend to drift away. The ones bringing food, the ones sitting with you, the offers to run errands, it all recedes eventually. People go back to their usual routine. That's when it gets so unbelievably lonely and hard. But your family cannot do this alone. Take any offers of help. When you are ready, maybe find a support group. I'm sure there's ones online too. Only people who have been down this road know how it truly feels.
I of course didn't know your precious girl, but I'd wager she was a brave warrior. Strong enough to be her own army! She has my respect. Her beautiful and strong spirit, soul, whatever you wish to call it, will not die. It can't! It's not possible.
I think sometimes in these situations, the person leaves when they know their loved ones will be okay. I know none of you feel okay. But she knows you will be. She trusts you. She knows your hearts and sees the goodness within. And she would want you all to love each other and make the most of your time on this earth. If you can't live for yourselves right now, live for her. Don't harm yourself by smoking or doing anything self-destructive. Surely she would not want that for you, and would never want to be the cause of your lapsing into that habit.
Whatever you do, please don't grieve yourself to death, even though part of you wants to.
I am sorry you are smoking although I certainly cannot find fault with it. I would think it might be suitable to go on an antidepressant although this loss can't be medicated away. Perhaps it might help with some sleep.
I can only hope in time the intensity of the grief might subside. I did attend a grief support group after my father died. His end came much quicker than my mother's and caught me by surprise. I remember thinking at times why was I there as there were others who lost much younger members of their family yet the group meetings did help me. I hope you find some support in time.
See All Answers