Why do I feel so guilty when I know I'm doing everything I can? Cargiving SIL age 53 currently on hospice. She has end stage liver failure, psoriatic arthritis, CHF, breast cancer, fibro, 6 weeks ago she had surgery for brain hemotoma, suffering from hetactic ensepolpathy now with psychosis.Still feeling guilty for even putting her on hospice, she's better, she has stabilised physically, mentally it's still a roller coaster....but with respidol that's a little better too. Hospice RN shocked again, Lvns say they have no patients like her. Feel guilty because I'm mad sometimes because the liver part she did to herself. Mad because it's my family who carries the burden, then I feel more guilty. feel guilty to my own family because I can't put her in. NH because they're understaffed and she'd have to be restrained and share a room, and I'd have to be there all the time.Guilty because I have to treat her like a child because most of the time she's seriously loopy. Tries to wander and do things at 3 am. Guilty because I dread her waking in the middle of the night, we have to watch her every waking moment because she falls 2-4 a week no matter our safety measures, I resent her Other family and her absentee husband.
I cared for my dad at home and while I can now look back and see that I did everything I humanly could for him, at the time I felt guilty everyday thinking that I wasn't doing enough for him. Now that he's gone I regret all those times I felt guilty. I did the best I could with what I had to work with. He had multiple illnesses and took a ton of medication and before he ended up in a nursing home I took him to his Dr.'s and other various appointments. But I still felt that I wasn't measuring up.
Only with time have I realized that I did a pretty good job caring for my dad.
I would imagine that if you're feeling guilty you're probably doing a great job because of that guilt. It's motivating you. And while my saying, "Don't feel guilty" won't make much of a difference I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. Try to relax some and know that you're doing the best you can.
An inpatient Hospice facility would be appropriate for her and if the family opposes that, too darn bad. It's not fair to put this all on you, the burden will compromise your own health. Make the right choice.