Should we feel guilty for not putting a meal in front of him or is it okay once in awhile if we're too tired to cook?
I am wondering what everyone else does with their elderly parents.. My sister & I have taken turns having dad live in our home and if we are too tired to make a meal he won't fix himself anything to eat and he won't eat. Should we feel guilty for not putting a meal in front of him or is it ok once in awhile if we're too tired to cook?my sister has 6 kids and a husband and some nights she doesn't feed anybody they sort of fend for themselves but my dad won't even fix anything and he is perfectly capable of getting himself something to eat.we have finally after 4 months I got him back to being fairly healthy and eating 3 meals a day snacks and drinking enough water so I imagine one missed meal won't be that bad but in my sister's case this may happen 3 times a week.what do you all think?
Let Dad know he is free to get himself a bowl of cereal, or make himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich if he wants something to eat. Or offer healthy snack bars such as what Kashi makes. You don't his blood sugar levels to drop.
How much trouble is it really, to put a Healthy Choice dinner in the microwave for him? Or to buy a $6 rotisseried chicken for him to nosh on? Buy one for the week, and on those days sis (and you) don't want to cook, bring pieces to room temperature and give him some deli slaw. Picnic time!
When I'm away from her, I call her and pester her all the way through the meal. I make sure she gets herself out of her chair, goes to the freezer, gets it out, etc..., until the moment she's putting it on the table and getting herself a fork. At that point, we hang up and she eats. I don't know if that would work for your dad, but it's easier than worrying about her forgetting to eat.
I know she's doing it because:
* She's griping all the way through.
* I can hear clinking and such.
:-)
No doubt he COULD fix himself something to eat, but retraining him at this point might be harder than just putting a simple sandwich together for him.
No, you should NOT feel guilty. If you're not with him and he's capable of feeding himself and just is somewhat too lazy, I wouldn't feel too badly about it occasionally being the case.
Also, if everyone's doing the best they can and it's just an occasional thing, I wouldn't worry too much about it. However, if your sister has 6 kids, part of their chore wheel could be taking turns making a plate for grandpa when you make one for yourself and he never has to miss a meal. And if the kids want to guilt grandpa into reciprocating, sometimes, more power to them!
Your dad is not necessarily "lazy" but is reacting as his generation mostly did. He has certain life-long expectations. Yes, they could be retrained, but I'm not sure it would be worth it. You don't have to feel guilty about whatever you decide -- just don't try to make him feel guilty for behaving as he was taught to behave.
My dad was old school, but he knew how to get up and search the kitchen for a snack, pick up a piece of fruit or some ham and cheese slices. Later in life he also figured out how to clear his own plate! He also understood the cook was off on Sundays, he took the family out for dinner.
Meh, it's still a grey area. Even three times a week… ok not ideal… any real harm, to the extent that he'd be starving and unable to speak up about it? No. On the other hand, how long does it take to fix him a chicken sandwich?
No don't feel guilty. Sort out something that suits you, otherwise don't worry about it.
He would be smoking his cigarettes outside at my house. Unhealthy for everyone in the house. There are just so many healthy snacks to have in the house available for grandpa that he could certainly feed himself.
Second hand smoke can cause all different types of cancers in people who never smoked. It's not a wise thing to do with grandchildren around [no matter if they are now teens or young adults still at home].
The fact that your Dad would need to use oxygen if he went back to his own home tells me his smoking has already caused a medical issue. Since quitting is out of the question [according to him] could he switch over to a pipe which would be less harmful to the rest of the family?
Since he is around his young grandchildren, even though he is smoking on the porch, children have small lungs and it is quicker for them to develop smoke related health issues than that of an adult. He wouldn't want to be the root cause of one of grandchildren becoming quite ill from his smoking. Saying something like that could tug at his heartstrings and make him think twice about smoking. Or maybe not.
Oh my gosh, there isn't anything "heartless" about putting a love one into independent/assistant/continuing care.... it's for their own health and well being if they cannot manage on their own. Sounds like your sister already has a lot on her plate with her busy family, plus working 3 jobs. And it wouldn't be fair for you to take on all the care. Remember, this is durable at the moment, but it will become worse later on to a point of being around the clock care.
It is tricky. For me, it would have just been easier and less hassle to fix something simple and quick for my mom rather than waste time and energy worrying for hours later about whether or not skipped meals were going to have consequences...
After awhile with my mom, for me anyway, it just boiled down to what route was shortest, sweetest and easiest in dealing with and caring for her.
My Mom is finally trying to teach Dad to do some simple meals that he can handle, showing him how to use the vacuum, and how to use the washing machine, and when he makes a mess he has to clean it up himself.... Mom is 96 and Dad is 92. It's never too late.
You can teach an old dog new tricks but it may not be worth the hassle. Offer him whatever you ar munching on healthy or not.
For the sanity of both your family and your sister's family, is there anyway your Dad can move into independent living where he can have his own apartment and where said complex has cleaning services? Then that way your Dad has free rein to do whatever he wants... smoking might be an issue so a place that allows smoking outside.
Growing up my Dad never had a recliner, I don't think they were around back then. It wasn't until he retired that he bought his first one.... now you can't pry Dad out of his recliner [well, he is 92]. Mom is 96 and has no recliner, she has her straight back wing chair, and she has twice the energy of Dad. Is there a correlation here?