How do I handle my elderly father who has an obsession with porn?
I have recently moved my mobility impaired father in with myself and my just-adult daughter, once my eldest moved out. Over the last 5 years or so, he had been putting up pictures from magazines onto his study walls, which was very out of character, and this progressed to photo frames in the lounge room, even going over the top of photos of my brother who had passed away, or pics he would refer to as his daughter-in-law, or sister-in-law, if he saw even a mild resemblance. Inappropriate comments to his teenage grand-daughters and his daughters were becoming common. This seemed to ease off in the past year or so, but with his mobility getting worse, and Mum being moved to care with Alzheimer's, the decision was made to move him in with me. He tries to be respectful, I think, and brought none of his pics with him, but he has a laptop with (I'm informed) a large amount of photos and a few videos. I am loathe to give him the internet password, and he hasn't asked as he refused to pay for it in his own home, but he keeps asking me to look up various sites thinking he can send a cheque for DVD subscriptions and such. A few years ago he asked for XXX DVDs for his birthday trying to go into detail of what he wanted, even trying to hand me a list of titles. At the time I, regret to say, I caved in and downloaded one or two to give him, (throwing in one I thought would be offensive to him as payback), because I only saw him every few months, and really didn't have to deal with it in my face. Now, while I don't think I'm a prude, I do think this is a private matter. I don't want to know anything about my father in this respect. But he tries to discuss DVDs he watches, even making stupid noises when underwear ads come on TV. I ignore the comments directed at the TV, but have to talk over him and be quite blunt about not wanting to hear about "his girls" any other time. I have even had to ask him to turn down the sound and close the door of his room when watching his laptop. Hearing porn noises coming from my 83 yr old fathers room is not pleasant for me or my daughter, who at times doesn't want to come out of her room, as she will have to walk past his and doesn't know what she will see.
I have heard that over-sexualised behaviour can be a symptom of dementia, but it is just talk, he has never tried to touch anyone, and he has informed me that "it doesn't work anymore". I'm sure he is slipping into dementia, but I was hoping I could get some advice as to how to handle this aspect, if anyone has had a similar issue.
If dementia is playing a part then you can't expect him to comply, so you need to put your daughter first and find him somewhere else to live.