Has anyone else experienced a very active imagination in a loved one with dementia?

My mom's imagination was so fantastic that she convinced a visitor that she'd remarried just four months after losing her husband and soulmate of 66 years. The visitor trotted off to the editor off the local Rotary Club's newsletter, relayed the news, and the next issue contained an article congratulating Mom on her marriage to her high school boyfriend whom she hadn't seen since 1944 (and who in reality, had been dead since 2009).

It was fun fixing that trainwreck. It was all over my mom's small town within hours of the publication.

I have a folder full of Mom's tales about her adventures with her new husband. He worked for NASA and was frequently on the roof of the nursing home fixing satellites, and he also was the private pilot for the Kennedy family and once flew them to the funeral of one of the great-grandchildren while carrying the dead child in his arms. (It had been born with only half a head, you know, and it gave a great gasp in Dan's arms and expired while he held onto the steering wheel with the other hand).

The only good thing about Dan the Invisible Man, as we called him, is that he never left Mom alone. During the lockdown when we weren't able to visit in person, the caregivers told us that Dan was always with her, so she weathered the loneliness better than most of the other residents.

Don't argue facts with your mom. Try to live in her world.

Yes, it's very common for elders with dementia to make up stories (confabulate) and to believe things happened that really didn't. When my mother's dementia was advanced, she'd tell me all about how the care givers took her out for dinner to a fancy restaurant every night, which wasn't true, and all sorts of other delusions that she'd come up with in her mind. It's the nature of the beast.

You should not be trying to 'correct' your mother when she tells you HER version of reality, you should just enter her world instead.

If you are saying that your 102 y/o mother with dementia lives alone in Independent Living, then that's a mistake b/c it's dangerous for a person THAT old with dementia to be living alone. Things can get VERY bad VERY quickly with dementia & your mom could wander away at 2 am and get lost or hurt. I've seen that happen firsthand with a client I cared for who left his home at 2 am and fell in the street. Died the next day in the hospital of a subdural hematoma.

I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (which is a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.

Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller 
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580


Here is a list of useful tips from her e-book I found to be excellent:

The “Dont's”
· Do not reason and argue
· Do not demand that they reason or problem-solve
· Do not demand that they remember
· Do not demand that they get their facts straight
· Do not correct their ideas or scold them
· Do not reorient them
· Do not think that they are being uncooperative on purpose
· Do not think that they really do remember, but are pretending not to
· Do not use a “bossy” dictatorial attitude in care
· Do not act with impatience

The "Do's"
· Enter into their frame of reality, or their 'world'
· Be aware of their mood or state of mind
· Use few words and simple phrases
· OR use no words, just friendly gestures and simple motions
· Do everything slowly
· Approach from the front
· Wait for a slow response
· Constantly reassure them that everything is 'OK'
· Keep people with dementia comfortable 'in the moment' - every moment
· Maximize use of remaining abilities
· Limit TV or radio programs which they may feel are frighteningly real
· Maintain privacy
· Provide a safe physical environment

Language Needs
· Use short words
· Use clear and simple sentences
· Speak slowly and calmly
· Questions should ask for a “yes” or “no” answer
· Talk about one thing at a time
· Talk about concrete things; not abstract ideas
· Use common phrases
· Always say what you are doing
· If they repeat their question, repeat your answer as you did the first time · Give them a longer time to process information
· Wait patiently for a response
· Be accepting of inappropriate answers and nonsense words
· Speak softly, soothingly and gently

Care Needs
· Recognize that receiving personal care feels intrusive
· Reassure with your tone and manner
· Do one thing at a time
· Talk through the care “play-by- play”
· Be aware of your body language and use it to communicate relaxation and reassurance
· Be sincere
· Use a soft, soothing touch
· Be aware of the individual’s unique triggers
· Be aware that a person with dementia may not accurately judge whether a situation is threatening to them
· They may respond to fear, pain or anxiety by defending themselves with what we call “aggression”
· If they become distressed, stop immediately and allow them time to calm down – don’t try to restart the activity right away
You need to change your behaviour to adapt to the because the person with the disease cannot.

Just b/c mom hasn't been formally 'diagnosed' doesn't mean she's not suffering from dementia!

Wishing you the best of luck with all you have to deal with.

My Dad is doing this. His version tends to be using a tiny bit of information he either remembers or overheard and then turning it into a whole huge thing. I think it's his way of filling in the gaps, the way a previous poster said. It gets really annoying when he takes a minor remark I made and then calls my sibling to tell a whole story! (My sibling is in denial about the dementia, which only makes it worse). Things like I mentioned some friends of ours were looking for a new house in another area and I got to see some of the photos of the houses they were looking at and they are very nice, and very affordable — and Dad took that to mean my family is planning to move away and called my sibling in a panic later that day!

I agree that there is no point in challenging when it won't affect anything. But my Mom has recurring delusions that cause problems so I have to deal with them.

The most common problem is when it is time for her to go to bed at night, she refuses because she insists that her mother is coming to pick her up (who would be 120 now if she was still living). If you tell her her mother is not living then she says well then it is her father is coming (who would be 121). If you tell her he is not living she will say well then it is her step-mother (which she never had). If you tell her she never had a step-mother, she well say well then it's "somebody."

She believes that she is just visiting the house and does not live here (she has lived here for 67 years). Sometimes she starts packing things to get ready to go. And remember it is time to go to sleep.

It is not possible to talk her out of it. But the problem is that she will wait up all night if I don't deal with it so I cannot let that happen. It is a source of stress for me just before bedtime every night as I never know how bad it will be that night.

It often happens in cycles of several weeks then subsides for days to a week or two. I have been dealing with it for many years. She is 92. It takes a toll on me because I cannot rest until she is sleeping and that means I get no sleep either.

She was diagnosed with dementia some years ago. I have gotten pretty good at handling it most of the time, but there is a certain finesse required that is hard to explain and not necessarily transferrable to another case. I have known the woman for 67 years, so I think I have a certain insight that helps.

It is mostly under control now, although some nights are worse than others and some rare nights are a living hell.

It's hard to say if it is getting "worse" because she has had this and another delusion that our dog is still living and she needs to let him in the house for about 8 years now. It goes in cycles and isn't necessarily getting worse.

I've been taking care of both of my parents for about 13 years now... my Dad died at 97 three years ago. I think I am past PTSD at whatever the next level is. But I am in this until the end no matter what. I've made it my mission.

I compare it to raising kids only worse for at least these reasons:

1. No matter how good a job you do you know it isn't going to end well.

2. Instead of getting more independent as the years go by like kids do, your parents get less independent as you age yourself and become less able to deal with it. This equation moves in the wrong direction.

3. You are not in your 20s and 30s like when you raised your kids. I am 67. My back hurts! :)

This is a logical observation rather than experiential since I have no kids of my own. If I did have them I doubt I would be doing this as I would prioritize my kids and my own family.

I want my tombstone to read that I faced the challenge and met it. I'll be satisfied with that.

This is fairly common with dementia. My mom did the same thing, early on - sometimes she would dream something but think it really happened, or "confabulate" (make up a story) about a situation, based only slightly on facts, and insist it was real. Because it felt 100% real to her. Now she makes things up all the time - as she forgets more, and life becomes more confusing and scary, she fills in those gaps with stories that make sense to her.

102! How wonderful that she is in such great shape! Just play along and don’t try to dissuade her or correct her. I just nod and play along with my mother.

Think of her comments as HER CURRENT MENTAL REALITY.

To her, the statements she is making may be absolutely FACT.

Very common in dementia (even if not diagnosed). My mom has been doing it for 10 years. In the very beginning I tried to correct her because I thought it would help for her to know what really happened. I did some research and concluded that there is nothing to gain from correcting their perception. I always go along with whatever she says. If she said she got a haircut, I would say "your hair looks great, that was a fun day". There is nothing to gain by talking her out of it. If it is negative or she is scared of some imaginary event, just reassure her that she is safe.

Ok, so I'm not making light of your situation, but would like to share a story relating to the hallucinations. In a Caregivers meeting, one lady said that her husband was seeing very little people running around trying to fix everything. Tool belts fastened to tiny waists, work boots, hard hats. Determined little guys with hammers running around the house. Another caregiver mentioned that her husband can no longer do little fix-it jobs around the house. My solution was to borrow the workers from the one's imagination, and get the others' work done. Well, it was funny at the time. Maybe you had to be there.

TakeFoxAway: It is quite common for elders with dementia (even though not officially dx'd) to confabulate.