Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
My Dad is doing this. His version tends to be using a tiny bit of information he either remembers or overheard and then turning it into a whole huge thing. I think it's his way of filling in the gaps, the way a previous poster said. It gets really annoying when he takes a minor remark I made and then calls my sibling to tell a whole story! (My sibling is in denial about the dementia, which only makes it worse). Things like I mentioned some friends of ours were looking for a new house in another area and I got to see some of the photos of the houses they were looking at and they are very nice, and very affordable — and Dad took that to mean my family is planning to move away and called my sibling in a panic later that day!
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Why are you trying to reason with somebody with dementia? The live in a different world.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Yes, it's very common for elders with dementia to make up stories (confabulate) and to believe things happened that really didn't. When my mother's dementia was advanced, she'd tell me all about how the care givers took her out for dinner to a fancy restaurant every night, which wasn't true, and all sorts of other delusions that she'd come up with in her mind. It's the nature of the beast.

You should not be trying to 'correct' your mother when she tells you HER version of reality, you should just enter her world instead.

If you are saying that your 102 y/o mother with dementia lives alone in Independent Living, then that's a mistake b/c it's dangerous for a person THAT old with dementia to be living alone. Things can get VERY bad VERY quickly with dementia & your mom could wander away at 2 am and get lost or hurt. I've seen that happen firsthand with a client I cared for who left his home at 2 am and fell in the street. Died the next day in the hospital of a subdural hematoma.

I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (which is a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.

Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller 
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580


Here is a list of useful tips from her e-book I found to be excellent:

The “Dont's”
· Do not reason and argue
· Do not demand that they reason or problem-solve
· Do not demand that they remember
· Do not demand that they get their facts straight
· Do not correct their ideas or scold them
· Do not reorient them
· Do not think that they are being uncooperative on purpose
· Do not think that they really do remember, but are pretending not to
· Do not use a “bossy” dictatorial attitude in care
· Do not act with impatience

The "Do's"
· Enter into their frame of reality, or their 'world'
· Be aware of their mood or state of mind
· Use few words and simple phrases
· OR use no words, just friendly gestures and simple motions
· Do everything slowly
· Approach from the front
· Wait for a slow response
· Constantly reassure them that everything is 'OK'
· Keep people with dementia comfortable 'in the moment' - every moment
· Maximize use of remaining abilities
· Limit TV or radio programs which they may feel are frighteningly real
· Maintain privacy
· Provide a safe physical environment

Language Needs
· Use short words
· Use clear and simple sentences
· Speak slowly and calmly
· Questions should ask for a “yes” or “no” answer
· Talk about one thing at a time
· Talk about concrete things; not abstract ideas
· Use common phrases
· Always say what you are doing
· If they repeat their question, repeat your answer as you did the first time · Give them a longer time to process information
· Wait patiently for a response
· Be accepting of inappropriate answers and nonsense words
· Speak softly, soothingly and gently

Care Needs
· Recognize that receiving personal care feels intrusive
· Reassure with your tone and manner
· Do one thing at a time
· Talk through the care “play-by- play”
· Be aware of your body language and use it to communicate relaxation and reassurance
· Be sincere
· Use a soft, soothing touch
· Be aware of the individual’s unique triggers
· Be aware that a person with dementia may not accurately judge whether a situation is threatening to them
· They may respond to fear, pain or anxiety by defending themselves with what we call “aggression”
· If they become distressed, stop immediately and allow them time to calm down – don’t try to restart the activity right away
You need to change your behaviour to adapt to the because the person with the disease cannot.

Just b/c mom hasn't been formally 'diagnosed' doesn't mean she's not suffering from dementia!

Wishing you the best of luck with all you have to deal with.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
TakeFoxAway Mar 2022
Thanks for your great email. I live with her. Some of these things mentioned on the list, I intuitively do. But I was correcting her. I was saying no, that did not happen (dentist cutting her hair) or no that lady did not move something on your porch or no I did not conspire with the neighbor to exclude you. I guess the haircut, let her think what she wants but I didn't want her to think I conspired with a neighbor to exclude her.
Thank you so much
(3)
Report
This is fairly common with dementia. My mom did the same thing, early on - sometimes she would dream something but think it really happened, or "confabulate" (make up a story) about a situation, based only slightly on facts, and insist it was real. Because it felt 100% real to her. Now she makes things up all the time - as she forgets more, and life becomes more confusing and scary, she fills in those gaps with stories that make sense to her.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
TakeFoxAway Mar 2022
Exactly. Based somewhat on facts, but 'confabulated'. I can play along with her going forward, but what about when it's a negatively confabulated story? How would you handle it?
I think my mom is doing what your mom did.
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter