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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Ed, you have my sympathies for having to go through this. Understand that dementia is not something that gets better or “goes away”. If you bring your wife back home, she will remember only far enough back when, in her memory, you were abusing her, even though it wasn’t true. The staff at Memory Care is accustomed to dealing with patients who are hard to care for and uncooperative. Yes, I’m sure she doesn’t get the kind of care she would get at home. But not every, single facility out there abuses and neglects their residents. The care is different than home care, but not necessarily “bad”.
Ask yourself, “is she safe in the facility? Is she clean, fed and monitored? Does she climb out the windows there and cruise the neighborhood crying that she’s being abused?” Why do you want to bring her home? Is it a financial thing? Then ask them to apply for Medicaid for her. If she has such issues, she needs to be evaluated and placed in long-term care. Every facility has a doctor on staff who can order these tests. I would strongly advise against bringing her home. That would be a giant step backward.
Ed, may I ask when your wife says she wants to go home, do you know which home she means? Does she say?
Why I ask, many people who have memory issues, when they say they want to go home, they are asking to be taken back to live in their childhood home, where life was fun and easy.
Freqflyer, I have read on this forum about someone wanting to go home, meaning their childhood home, but had not yet experienced that with my parents until yesterday. My mother would often say that she wanted to go home from the nursing home, even though she is treated well, lives with my father there in a cozy room, and has lots of activities. She thinks she can still go home and take care of herself and him on her own. Yesterday, though, she told me she wanted to go home - home to Panama, where she has not lived since she was 20. I am almost weeping as I write this. ed, the safest place for your wife is where she is. Yes, she definitely needs to be seen by a geriatric psychiatrist and you should start the Medicaid process.
Ed, can you tell us a bit more about this situation? Did the wife go to memory care for respite or was it meant to be a permanent placement and it doesn't seem to be working out? Is the wife begging to come home? Does it appear to be too much care, or too little?
Update: I have already applied for Medicaid and the application was denied - countable resources exceed the maximum of $2,000 (full Medicaid coverage) and exceeds maximum of $7,390 (limited Medicaid coverage). Have too much resources in Commonwealth of Virginia. Have to spend down, not sure that I want to do that. Wife is being seen by neurology specialists. Home means returning to where I live or where we both lived up until a few months ago. It is difficult to leave her after a visit to the facility.
Ed, see an elder law attorney that specializes in Medicaid. There are rules to protect the well spouse. Do not bring her home. The same challenges that you experienced previously will recur. And you have a court order that requires a safe environment for her. You cannot do that at home or you may face charges.
Ed, we all know how difficult it is to leave her. We’ve been there. It’s depressing and unfair. I know it’s pathetic to see them like this, pleading to “go home”. 99% of them do it. But the worst thing you could do is bring her home. And do see an attorney. We are in the same situation. Too much income to qualify for Medicaid but not enough to pay our bills.
I will be meeting with an elder attorney to try to arrange for an asset protection plan. It is the person in the middle that suffers the most financially, not rich, not poor. Still not able to get much help for funding the expense of caregiving. From a quick view, seems that one has to spend down to almost nothing to qualify for Medicaid.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Ask yourself, “is she safe in the facility? Is she clean, fed and monitored? Does she climb out the windows there and cruise the neighborhood crying that she’s being abused?” Why do you want to bring her home? Is it a financial thing? Then ask them to apply for Medicaid for her. If she has such issues, she needs to be evaluated and placed in long-term care. Every facility has a doctor on staff who can order these tests. I would strongly advise against bringing her home. That would be a giant step backward.
Why I ask, many people who have memory issues, when they say they want to go home, they are asking to be taken back to live in their childhood home, where life was fun and easy.
ed, the safest place for your wife is where she is. Yes, she definitely needs to be seen by a geriatric psychiatrist and you should start the Medicaid process.
I do not have experience doing this. It would be very hard on a person with dementia and would cause a decline that could be quite rapid.
Is she on meds?
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