Has anyone here had to hire a lawyer just to get angry siblings to stop harassing you?

Anonymously sign them up on bulk mailing lists from every care facility in the world. They need to be educated as to the help available when they finally burn out. In the meantime, they will be so tired from hauling multiple mailings from mailbox to home to wastebasket to garbage can to dump that they won't have as much time or energy to harass you. You will be doing this in the spirit of helping mom, of course. ;-)

Similar situation for me in some significant ways. I was DPOA for my parent in both Medical and Financial. Sib believes rules and laws are for others but not them, and it was a veritable sh*t show until I got an elder law attorney involved.

The attorney reviewed my parent’s estate planning docs - Will, DPOAs, etc., and wrote a letter instructing sib that all communication to me specific to my parent and parent’s care went through them first. It cost approx $500, and that took care of it - nipped it in the bud. The other thing that went on - sib’s lies to my parent also stopped. It upset my parent no end as they thought (were told) I was being horrible to my sib. That, to me, was a bigger issue - manipulation for sib’s own purposes, and sib didn’t care about parent being upset. So wrong.

My parent passed recently, and I am executor. Similar stuff started up again, and fortunately, the probate attorney understands the dynamics, and has been great to work with. Processing grief while processing an estate is tough work. The probate attorney has helped tremendously.

Bottom line: I would recommend an elder law attorney review of your parent’s documents, if possible, along with what can and cannot be done. The attorney may be able to send a similar letter to your sisters. Yes, it will cost some money, but better that, if you can afford it, than constantly being dinged by siblings.

One additional thing - and a big one - the stuff that went on really thrashed me. I went back into counseling for awhile, and got my head and heart back on straight. If this is messing with you, your self-esteem, anger, etc., counseling may be a good addition.

Good luck!

Continue to block conversation but I don't recommend a lawyer. There isn't much they can do and I want you to continue to at least be able to visit your Mom. Getting a lawyer is likely to escalate the two sisters behavior.

i am not sure if anyone has POA. If the mean sisters do it ends upon Moms death and they cant keep you from Moms funeral without a legal order.

I am POA for my Mom and despite not having a relationship
with one of my siblings I would never cause friction between her and my Mother.

hang in there, enjoy the time you have with your Mom. The goal is quality time with her

First, please know that in the US laws and rules vary by state (and maybe even county) and this is a global forum of non-attorneys.

You can go to an attorney, who may begin by drafting a letter to them outlining what further legal action you will take if they don't stop all harassing communications with you. Usually, just the threat of legal action gets people to stop. You will need to provide compelling evidence for the attorney to consider.

If your sisters are your Mom's PoA, you won't ever be allowed to know what's going on with her or be informed of her passing, or be allowed to attend her funeral. Just saying this may be the outcome. If you're not sure if they are actually her PoA (and you care if they are) the attorney can also demand proof of PoA, with a similar threat to have them prove it in court.And you will be resonsible to pay the attorney. I'm so sorry for your family's disharmony. Such a shame for your poor Mom.

"they would do it all.."

'And loving it!' (said in my best Get Smart accent)

You had suggested AL as a practical future pathway, let's call that *the downsize stage*.

But those 2 sisters have donned their *no Care Home EVER!* T-shirts, drawn the battle lines & taken the lead.

In the wise words of some General: Lead, Follow or Get (outta the way).

I can see how you could not follow their plan, so are left with the get out of the way option.

It is a real shame when families pull apart due to elder care. Strong personalities, strong views & closed minds can wreaking havoc on relationships 😞

You all want a good life for Mom - just have different views!

Between the mixed messages of stopped speaking & also bombarding texts.. I feel good clear communication is sort of... missing.

Would it possible to have a faith/community/social worker mediate to improve the communication? Get a re-set?

How are they bombarding you with calls from other people's phones when they supposedly "stopped speaking to you?"

Does anyone have power of attorney for your mom? Is she incompetent? If not, she gets to decide if you can or cannot visit, not your nitwit sisters. Quit catering to them.

Sure, you could try to get a lawyer to write a nastygram telling them to leave you alone, but what happens when you want to see Mom? You'll be shut out completely. As for inheritances, don't expect to get anything if one of them is the executor of the will.

If it was me, I wouldn't answer any calls from numbers I don't recognize and let the calls go to voicemail. Just as when you were children, I'm sure your mother would advise that they'll stop harrassing you if you don't react.

It is ok for them to take the job of caregiver on as long as it works for them. It is kind of a blessing you don't have to help. It is weird you have to make an appointment thru your BIL. It is even more weird they are harassing you..... I don't know what to suggest, beyond perhaps your 2 sisters have dementia themselves.

Addycea, has your mother executed any authority documents, such as a POA, DPOA, allowing your sisters the right to make these decisions? If not, then they're apparently acting without any legal authority. And, given the frictional situation, I think you might be wise to consult an attorney. But be aware that they're not particularly enthused about becoming involved in family feuds and/or friction.

An attorney could discuss the possibility of a restraining order preventing them from acting without authority.

One way to address this would be to file with the local applicable court for injunctive relief, and ask the presiding judge to schedule an arbitration type hearing at which each of you could state your positions and an arbitrator would create suggestions, and/or issue authoritative guidance. Anyone participating would be bound by those decisions. That could be a stumbling block though, if your sisters wouldn't agree to participate.

Simply delete messages after listening to see if there is an emergency you need to know about. Don't respond. They will eventually tire of churning up stuff without any response whatsoever.
If there is a will it will be filed. It often takes a year or more to settle an estate. Stay out of it. Their probate attorney will contact you and let you know timelines eventually.
Simply go Grey Rock on them. There is no other way. You might consider seeing a therapist for a while to set your boundaries and stick to the settings for your own good. You cannot control them,but you can decide on your responses to them.

Why are all the threats going on here?........Is it future financial gain?....is the value of the house low...could be a rural 5 bed in bad shape....is there a long term care insurance policy?....Good part is that if I had to do it all over again sending someone to AS or NH is sometimes not as bad as not having the 8 thousand per month or more and facing a sale of a house if not in a trust...all these issues go into the horrific guilt of placing your Mom or Dad in a strange place if you are seemingly to lazy or geographically unable to attend to the daily needs of an elder....so this is what you get an insulted group of castigating people unable to have a logical conversation for their failing Mother who will die......think of it like a divorcee who hates her ex and refuses his desire to see his children...people need to learn communication skills and not jump to conclusions with bad behavior.....I know how this happens when my Mom was 90 in her house my bro. had lived there and was caretaker toher an Dad at 95....well health intervened and went downhill as i watched Mom die in her home, then brother 69 died before his Dad...and i lastly had to act....it was a rough time for me...failing health is a monster here...causing stress....my family only had their house in my and bros name for twenty yrs ....and maybe some 5 thousand in cash...for their funerals which by the way was the biggest expense costing some twenty thousand for bro plot 5,funeral home 10 thousand,gravestone 4 thousand.....mom and dad had their plots but after all was done I spent 41 thousand just on funerals orthodox greek christians because the most important thing to an immigrant is their pride and having enough to bury themselves....aside from the accusations from a relative that I put dad on Medicaid meaning to her they get everything for free!!!!which by the way is not true..her implication being that the house was in my name...the entire pension from my father was his soc an thnkgod for the VA aid and attendance which i have to the NH 1900.00 which i thought was enough...or i could have hired in house help you just do not know how health will play out and when the parent will be bedridden and cannot walk......