Mom is in early late stage Dementia. We have tried keeping her in her home but that means me and my siblings being away from our families. Limited funds don’t allow for caregivers without selling her house. What should I consider? Did anyone regret it? Would it just be just delaying the inevitable?
First and most important you need to get all your legal ducks in a row if this is something you wish to do. The way money is managed now will matter when dealing with her medicaid application if needed in the future, and how her daily expenses are handled and whether or not you are paid for her care also very often drives a wedge between siblings, especially if they aren't all on the same page.
Look at your home - is there space enough to afford privacy to everyone? Can it be made handicapped accessible?
What kind of relationship do you have with your mother - any strain will be magnified 1000X
Are you comfortable with the idea of allowing outside caregivers to have free reign of your home while you are away?
What will be the line in the sand that you won't cross when it comes to her care - sleep disturbances? loss of her ability to ambulate? behavioural issues? dealing with incontinence and personal care? dysphagia and the need for a modified diet?
What about a time limit - how long can you envision this working for you?
You or rather she has equity in the house that can be used for her care.
It is not easy caring for a person with dementia of any kind. Things get harder, more care is required as your mom declines.
It potentially can be unsafe for YOU to care for her and it can be unsafe for HER for you to care for her.
Placing someone in a Memory Care facility is not giving up, not abandoning them it is realizing that they need more care than you can provide. Your alternative would be to sell the house and you or one of your siblings could bring her into your home and use the funds that came from the sale of the house to care for mom. Hire caregivers, do not do this yourself. You can "charge" mom for caregiving, as well as for the hired caregivers, for a portion of household expenses (4 people in the house divide all expenses by 4, she pays her portion) BUT this is not easy. And if the house is not set up for caring for someone using a wheelchair, hospital bed, Hoyer Lift and other equipment it is difficult.
If you do move mom out of her house into yours or a siblings do expect a decline. Just as she would decline a bit if moved into Memory Care (AL is not a good option for someone with dementia ..personal opinion though)
I suggest reading many of the posts from people that have moved their loved one in with them...read the problems they are having. Although to be fair people that do not have problems with this arrangement won't post comments or concerns.
I would find a nice AL. The earlier she excepts it as her new home the better.