I’ve been noticing that I have developed a fear of doctors and medical offices when it comes to taking care of my own health.
I guess sitting in an office with the doctor who was giving the results of my husband’s dire diagnosis was not helpful. He was yelling at us that we needed to leave town immediately for Seattle to start treatment because it was that bad!
From there it was all the late night emergencies where I had to drive my husband in the middle of the night to the ER in a strange city and in the middle of Covid. I almost wasn’t allowed to be with him in the ER. Then getting lost in the big city trying to drive back to our apartment alone because my husband had to be admitted. It was stressful.
Then it was waiting on all the results of the bone marrow biopsies- so far 8 or 9. Also waiting for all the blood test results every week to see what all the cells were doing.
It does a number on your head. I’m beginning to fear that my own health may not be good. I have to go in and get checked out but it’s creating quite a bit of anxiety.
I know I need some counseling and I have had plenty before.
Anyway it’s another issue that just complicates everything.
It sounds rough.
I go to a therapist when I can.
I got a gym membership to the YMCA and go there when I can.
I try to get together with friends when I can. I find the laughter really helps.
i wish those who need healing, to heal. hug!!
Then the phobia accelerated when my Mom could no longer get into my vehicle and I had to use their car that they still had, which I always hated to drive. It was like steering a large dining room table down the highway. By the time I got to our destination, I was a nervous wreck, fighting back tears.
Eventually I mentioned this to my parents, and they just looked at me like my hair was on fire and said "who is going to drive us?". Mom refused to ride with a stranger so cabs and the senior bus were out.
My parents have passed but, to this day, I still white knuckle it when driving. My driving limit is just a few blocks. So sad, as I had loved to drive :(
But to agree, C S D needs to be considered as it can eventually turn into something else. After being under persistent stress for 2 years, my father called me in the middle of the night telling me his (dead) father just threw him out of the house and he was crying, "Where am I goin to live?" Then, he didn't answer his phone for the rest of the night. I drove up the next day and he had packed his truck. I relived that so many times and became reactive. It's all connected, but caregivers need to let their doctors know they are caregivers. You'd be surprised at how many times they hear that. And a good doctor will respond. I just wish more caregivers would go to the doctor and inform then of their lifestyle before they get to the point where they can't.