I'm asking about my Mother in law. It's a very long story so I will just summarize what is going on. She has been diagnosed with Schizophrenia and maybe dementia. She lives with my Father in law who had a stroke awhile back. He is functional but forgets things and kind of in his own world.
My Mother in law's delusions center on my Father in law. She thinks he is the cause of her mental illness. She will say he is poisining her or he gets in her head.
She kept leaving the home and going to the neighbor's to get them to call an ambulance. She has been to the Crises unit several times and hospitalized recently twice ( 4 week stays).
She just got home and proceeded to go right to a neighbor saying she is scared. We have been there numerous times and she is insisting they need to separate, sell the home and she can go live with her sister. We talked to her sister and it isn't true. But she is contacting realtors trying to sell the house which my Father in law is on board with because he can't deal with this anymore. He says he will go south and live in a motel.
Problem is that they also made poor financial decisions. Never prepared for elder life and spent all their money in retirement. We just found out they are 20,000 in debt on a credit card and have hospitals bills to the gills. My father in law is stubborn and refuses to let us help with the finances.
My mother in law tends to call me and her first hospital stay, I was the one the doctor's could talk to. That psychiatrist told me that this may be her new normal.
My mother in law keeps calling us to sell the house and gets mad at my husband because he should be helping her. Im not even getting into all her delusions. She is also driving we found out so she can stay away from my father in law until it's time to sleep.
So she thinks she can live with her sister . We have no idea what to do. She is part of a day program that she goes to 3x a week but she refuses to sign any paperwork( part of her paranoia) so we cannot talk to her Doctors.
We feel she probably does need to live away from my father in law so maybe she can find some peace but she has no where to go. I am actively trying to find solutions and no one will talk to my husband or I. They just tell us if she is a harm to herself or others, she needs to go to the hospital.
I don't even know if an assisted living place would be something of an option? That would be ideal for her since she does not want to go to a "home or hospital". We don't know how any of this works and we feel so lost.
But we are afraid that she will try and sell this house and my father in law will go along with her because he is ready to run away from her. She would have no place to go .
I have contacted NAMI who is more about support groups. I have looked into her program but can't get anyone to call me back. I don't need support groups, I need to know options. I am trying to find a reputable elder care lawyer as well.
If anyone has any advice ...I really could use it. Thank you so much!! I am not sure what topic this should go under since it is mental health and caregiver so I apologize if I put it in the wrong place.
Why are your FIL and your husband not taking this in hand, though? As MIL won't consent to information sharing, her next of kin will need to make some kind of temporary guardianship application, and/or have her Baker-acted [or your local equivalent], and get her to a place of safety for assessment and care planning.
Have you tried APS and/or your Area Agency on Aging for first-line advice?
I would go for a full assessment aiming to get her stable *first*, though, before you compare options. You can't very well develop a rational care plan based on her paranoid delusions; and it may be that appropriate treatment followed by support will solve a lot of their problems.
My fil can’t do anything . I think he forgets and just doesn’t do anything. He watched tv. He can’t even talk to her or help her at all. She won’t let him or listen to him. She just started hiding the checkbook because she thinks he is doing something with it. She hides his keys as well.
My my husband is having a tough time with this. He does not do well with this at all. So I am helping him because they aren’t my parents. I have known them for 30 years . She always confused in me and talked to me more than my husband. Since they aren’t my parents , Im not as emotional about it if that makes sense? I’m pulling my hair out trying to get everyone to do something. I’ve called numerous places who don’t answer or call me back. It’s very frustrating which is why I came here. I’m just trying to get direction where to start. She is freaking out because she doesn’t want to be in a home. We have no idea how to help them. So my husband could get guardianship over her? An elder care lawyer might be the best person to consult?
she does have some support . She goes to a support group 3x a week. This is where she has group and see a psychiatrist. A social worker comes in either once a week or once a month.
Who authorised that discharge? A person can be stable but still very ill (dead, for example, is as stable as can be). Your MIL is still very ill. The hospital discharged her into the care of a recovering stroke patient in his (seventies?) who is, moreover, a primary trigger for her delusions. That discharge sounds to me indefensible, and if possible you want to backtrack to it and demand that the hospital comes up with a better plan. In any case - how long 'til the next emergency hospitalisation, do they suppose? They're just kicking the can down the road; and meanwhile your FIL is overwhelmed: what if he keels over?
An elder care lawyer would be a good source of advice on avenues to pursue, including emergency guardianship if that is appropriate; so might the social worker who attends the day centre. Good luck, and please update us.
It is not like anyone is going to publish the info, or tell you on the phone.
They will often take you aside in a crisis, and point you in the right direction.
Provide her access to women's shelters for the times she cannot be with her husband. You might want to look into group homes for the mentally ill.
Maybe she needs someone to help with her meds.
Hire a housekeeper so someone can be there with her.
Your first course of action is to somehow get her on the proper meds and see that she takes them regularly and then proceed from there.