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My father is 93 , good health, only takes one med (for high blood pressure) .# weeks ago he fell and twisted his ankle and got very confused. Called 911 and they put him in restraints as he screamed in agony and asked what and who they were. I lost my mother 2 years ago,and she only wanted to die at home but was stuck in a NH for 2 months, I decided to try Hospice and she died 2 days later. So I live with Dad now, and our rescue cats. I saw him get delerious and he was treated like a criminal. Full restaraints, Haldol, no help for his leg. I wanted to get him home ASAP.. I thought of trying Hospice, but somehow my sister claimed to suddenly have found a POA and conveniently activated it. I got dad home after day 3 and the next day I find she has enrolled him in full on hospice for terminally ill (he is not, never given the 6 months or anything close). This agency began coming ,terrible and loud, I finally wanted to change agencies and suddenly they reported me to APS and said I would not buy a new bed, and sister claimed Dad had to be turned every two hours ..I know? Anyway they brought ambulance and took Dad 2 hours away to this hellhole. I could not find him for 4 days and do not understand how he is still alive..he is very banged up, black and blue and deep wounds, like a casualtfrim shrapnel. I am trying to get his UTI antibiotics to him which he has not had as well as thinking of ER for deep bed sores or wounds and delerious. This morning an emplyee came in shouting I better pay a month up front ,and then a big big woman began throwing my purse out of the room and forced me out the door while I was hand feeding dad. OMG! I am so terrified and heart broken. I could have stopped this tragedy of errors ..

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I would immediately contact the long term care ombudsman for the area your father is in....This sound so wrong in so many ways, not only abusive and negligent of your dad, but to you as well. ALso would consult with an elder law attny to find out what you legally can do as far as getting him out to hospital or to another place. HOping for the best outcome; I'm not sure if you could have done anything...
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APS can have him removed. Its against the law to restrain a patient. If they come at you about money, give them sisters phone # she has the POA. He needs to be in a hospital to be evaluated. If its found he is terminal then consider Hospice.
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lissy666 Jun 2021
Thank you, your reply is so logical...but i feeel like this place and NH and insurance,etc have their own language and have nothing to do with human beings. I telephoned his primary and was told that sister is his POA..I did not think of the fact that she may have instructed the facility to not allow me to be with my father, or god only knows since he is so weak and confused.I know UTI, which he complained of for 2 weeks causes burning and delerium.
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I am so terribly sorry about this situation. Where is this place? It isn’t legal to use restraints anymore.

I truly hope that you find a solution for this horrible nightmare to end soon.
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lissy666 Jun 2021
It is in the state of Wisconsin.
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Kissy, you have suffered so for those whom you love. You speak of being an only child, but also of your sister, who holds POA.

Is there someone you could be speaking to who could help you sort through the many difficult experiences you’ve encountered in the past few years?

There seem to be so many painful difficulties and misunderstandings. Perhaps you could find some source that could help you to understand what is happening to your dad and keep you informed as to his circumstances?

The process of activating a POA is more or less a series of legal determinations. Is there someone who could be in touch with your sister and help you establish how you can help your father in the most positive way.

If you are a church member, could you speak to someone there about help in providing services for an elderly person?

Please take some time for yourself as you try to decide what will be best for you and for your dad, moving forward.
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lissy666 Jun 2021
About the "sister"..There is huge age difference and was not part of my life growing up. Or now..i think i have spent maybe 5 hours with her in the last 15 years and that only at a holiday
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lissy,

Any news about your dad? Thinking about you.
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lissy666 Jun 2021
I tried reaching his primary but he had already spoken to POA ..The amount of misinformation is unreal and i do not want to think that my dad is alone with strangers and how he is still alive after going thru this. I have his antibiotics for UTI in front of me, untouched...The social worker who works for that NH called me and said she "checked on him and he asked her for a glass of water" seems strange since he can hardly speak and his fingers are curled so he cannot hold a glass. I am more angry at myself for being civil to any of them. I did find out that he should bein his own county. He is another area of the state where no records exist or at least not the important ones here locally.
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Lissy, as your sister is POA it may be best if you take the medications for your Dad's UTI to the front desk with a note that he is diagnosed with UTI and the date. Keep it short and about the UTI only. This will help them. I hope things are going better for all right now.
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lissy666 Jun 2021
I did that , and asked a nurse also to make sure he has them...this was 6 or 7 days ago.I saw tge unused bottle in a drawer, jusr before the commotion with this woman entering the room.Also left a message that he has way too much morphine, i think.His weight loss is huge and 2 mgs was enough for him after surgery.
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