My mom broke her knee cap and lives in an apt upstairs she needs rehab but wants to live with me. So since my original post I got my mom into a SNF for rehab on her knee. Today I had a meeting with social services and she hinted that 10 days is the norm for discharging patients and that would probably be happening soon. Even if I could get her upstairs , the social worker says she will need to be looked after. Mom can not bend her knee for another 4 weeks wears a big heavy brace and can not get up, can not go to the bathroom by herself. I asked her what are my options if they discharge her and I can not take care of her and refuse to take her, she said she could give me a number to a board and care facility that I could call. I told her my mom has no money and can not pay for that, and Medicaid doesn't cover that. She told me I need to put together a plan A ,B and C. We have no other family. I told her my plan was for her to stay there until she can get around, get up, and go to the bathroom by herself. And then, I may consider her coming with me for a week or two until she can get approved for In Home Care. But that I can't stay home 24 hours a day, and change diapers etc. she gave me the impression they would be discharging her this next week. Can anyone help me? I am in California, she has Medicare and Medi-cal. If I take her I do not believe I will ever be able to get her to leave and within 2-3 days I will be looking for a bridge to jump off. What will they do with her if I don't take her? Please don't judge me, I really need help on what options I have. I am confused and stressed and sad for what my life will be. I feel like the social worker did nothing but try and bully me into taking my mother.
Thanks for the post and especially the last sentence. (A Lightbulb moment for me!)
I think I've been confusing grieving with depression or a "bad outlook".
Funny how we think of grieving only when someone dies or is dead. I guess I forgot you can grieve for someone while they are still alive. I think that's what I'm doing.
Well, I won't worry about myself so much now. 😉
Thanks. 🌺🌷🌸🌹💐
Sorry for my venting
one day later.... I want her out now , I’m done. Still have no in home care after jumping through hoops 7 weeks now. trying to decide if I take her home Tuesday regardless. I’m done. I done all I can and nothing is happening. If I have to see her another day I’m running away. Help!
Does your mom have a diagnosis of dementia? Has she been evaluated for that?
Jules, the next time mom ends up in the hospital or rehab, don't show up. Change your phone number. Let them pretend you don't exist.
If your mother can't even stay in her separate area and can't keep on board with rules she herself agreed to, which is probably not so much because she's being ornery as because she's mentally unable to process the idea, you know quite as well as I do that to take her back to her home and leave her there unattended would be obvious negligence.
Which leaves me saying "I wouldn't start from here..."
Sorry.
So, you're jumping through hoops to get her assistance in her home while she's still in your home, yes? That's your hitch. From the providers' point of view, she is not at risk. She is safe in her daughter's home. No rush then.
You could move her back to her home and go with her (take a folding bed or an inflatable mattress or something). At least it would take the pressure off SO. You would then be liaising with the agencies on the basis that you are staying temporarily and will be leaving on [date].
But actually, it is beginning to sound as if in-home care won't cut it. So, what are the next steps?
No she does not have dementia , she is just a lonely women with no friends and family, and wants to suck the life out of me. She Hates my SO, and is extremely jealous of him, and it gets worse every day. He is at the point of no return also. Her perfect world is her living with me, him moving out. I was so angry/mad/sad/frustrated last night, I almost packed her in car and took her home.
It is heartbreaking when you look at her life but, you didn't do it, so you can't fix it.
Please do not just take her home, if she is considered a vulnerable senior, you could be in heaps of trouble. What you can do is drop her off at the ER and don't respond to any calls.
I think that if she is unwilling to stick to the agreement then she gets to pay the consequences.
Sucks, big time, but not nearly as much as you loosing your happy home because of her bad choices. I would not tell her what's up, get her in the car and off you go.
Best of luck letting her live with her choices.
Difficult and challenging people get dementia too, you know. And dementia comes in many forms. For example, having a fixed idea that you live with your daughter and she takes care of you and sticking to that story come H*ll or high water in spite of the fact that your daughter is going blue in the face saying the opposite. Or, agreeing to house rules and then consistently, from one hour to the next, appearing to ignore them. Or, again consistently, expecting to be welcomed in a room by people who less than two hours ago asked you to leave it.
You think she's a vampire who hates your SO and wants you all to yourself. But what if it transpires that she is indeed a lonely old lady with no friends or family but whose brain ceased functioning properly three to five years ago?
Literally, she needs her head examined. Hasn't anyone in hospital or rehab even discussed this with you?
I would still follow up with having her evaluated for dementia. That knowledge will help you be prepared for the future and get your ducks in a row, quacking harmoniously.
Have a great weekend!