My mom broke her knee cap and lives in an apt upstairs she needs rehab but wants to live with me. So since my original post I got my mom into a SNF for rehab on her knee. Today I had a meeting with social services and she hinted that 10 days is the norm for discharging patients and that would probably be happening soon. Even if I could get her upstairs , the social worker says she will need to be looked after. Mom can not bend her knee for another 4 weeks wears a big heavy brace and can not get up, can not go to the bathroom by herself. I asked her what are my options if they discharge her and I can not take care of her and refuse to take her, she said she could give me a number to a board and care facility that I could call. I told her my mom has no money and can not pay for that, and Medicaid doesn't cover that. She told me I need to put together a plan A ,B and C. We have no other family. I told her my plan was for her to stay there until she can get around, get up, and go to the bathroom by herself. And then, I may consider her coming with me for a week or two until she can get approved for In Home Care. But that I can't stay home 24 hours a day, and change diapers etc. she gave me the impression they would be discharging her this next week. Can anyone help me? I am in California, she has Medicare and Medi-cal. If I take her I do not believe I will ever be able to get her to leave and within 2-3 days I will be looking for a bridge to jump off. What will they do with her if I don't take her? Please don't judge me, I really need help on what options I have. I am confused and stressed and sad for what my life will be. I feel like the social worker did nothing but try and bully me into taking my mother.
"She told me I need to put together a plan A ,B and C."
Your social worker seems to be having a little trouble with her pronouns.
THEY need to put together a plan A, B, C.
YOU make it clear - and I should keep it simple, as per Barb's suggested formula - that you are not A, B, C, Z or any other letter in any known alphabet.
Oo. Just a thought. You didn't sign any undertakings as part of the process of getting her admitted to rehab, did you?
You CAN say " no, I can't possibly do that, I can't care for my mother in my home and I can't pay for her care".
Stand firm.
And then you write: "If I take her I do not believe I will ever be able to get her to leave and within 2-3 days I will be looking for a bridge to jump off."
Then please do not take her in with you for that "week or two"!
You are correct; that social worker is bullying you. One thing to realize is that it's easier for HER if you agree to take your mother in or to provide care for her. It's not your job to make it easier for the social worker.
"Unsafe discharge," as is stated above, is the key phrase you need to remember. Don't waffle on what you might do; set very very firm boundaries. You will NOT take care of your mother or have her come to live with you for any length of time, for any reason.
Best of luck and hugs!
They get to a point that many just cannot continue he and it is not worth feeling badly Bout her lIfe of planning.