Mom's room is a mess because she's depressed, and she's depressed because her room is a mess. She takes antidepressant, but I don't think the dose is high enough to help much. We went through so many that she couldn't tolerate that it was great just to have one she could take. It helped a little bit, but I need to talk with her doc about perhaps increasing the dosage. She normally lives with me but right now is in the SNF for her 3rd round of pneumonia this year. She won't let me touch a thing in her room, where she has literally a 3 bedroom house's worth full of furniture. There are papers stacked everywhere that she won't let me discard (oh, I have to go through that stuff first) and she prints out tons of stuff from websites "for reference" that is also piled up. It's so crowded that it's impossible to dust or vacuum and that can't be good for someone with respiratory difficulties. She simply doesn't have the strength or focus to move or sort through any of it, yet she won't let anyone else touch it. It's not quite to the point of being a fire hazard (thank God she doesn't smoke anymore) but I do worry about her tripping and falling when she gets home. Should I ignore her and just clean the mess up anyway? There will be hell to pay...any suggestions would be welcome.
Could you use any of her kitchen stuff and get rid of things that are yours but in worse shape?
Tell her there is no argument a garage sale is on the horizon and the stuff in YOUR garage is on it's way out. Again if her stuff is better than yours swap some of it out which will make it less painful. Soft goods like clothes and blankets stored outside will likely be moldy by now so they definitely have to go.
Piles of papers I am afraid you will have to go through before you toss them because there will be stuff mixed in that is important but 20 year old bank statements can go. Just be on the look out for things like Insurance policies but the vaccination records of long dead pets she won't miss. You will have to be sneaky and make sure she does not catch you and be prepared for the wrath if she does. "My house my rules" "Shape up or ship out"
Dad didn't want me to touch any of the papers, either.... [sigh]. The only way I was able to sort through stuff was just take a pile of papers when he wasn't looking, turned out he never missed it.
You can use a therapeutic fib... tell her a Fire Marshall went door to door to check smoke alarms and had noticed that her room was a fire trap. She needs to "relocate" items elsewhere. One thing I noticed with my Dad, he loves being surrounded by his books even though he rarely looks at them.... the books are like his cocoon.
For your Mom tell her you will take out some of the larger furniture and replace it with bookcases so she can store her papers. You can get inexpensive bookcases at thrift stores.
What I did at my mother's house is clear the hoards of stuff from the rooms that I frequent. I totally ignore her bedroom now for the sake of my own sanity. I realize that I am as important as she is.
The only thing I can advise is about your garage. You have to regain your own space. There is going to be anger and anxiety clearing the area. She will not want to give up the idea that she will use these things again one day. They are a symbol of the life she once had -- like my mother's clothes are to her. What I do with my mother's things is sneak out the things I know need to be disposed of. They are never missed. In the case of your garage, I would make it faster and say the stuff has to go. Ask her if she wants a garage sale or to donate. It will not be easy, so I don't envy you.
Do not do any kind of cleaning that a VERY observant person will see...
My mother was the same way (hoarder) I couldnt do anything in front of her, but I could bring her lots of empty boxes- Then later when she was gone, I would remove the contents of one of the boxes. She wouldnt be able to identify which were empty and which were full, so she never noticed I had emptied one once in a while- Leaving the box there like it was.
Perhaps you could have her put the papers into the boxes and store them in your garage?-
How about making one kitchen item a month disappear? I did that with my mom.
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