My mother in law is obese, depressed and will no longer leave her house. She cannot be caring for herself well, as she can barely walk. She has not made any plans for care, we have given her information and she has done nothing, as she says she is poor and there are no options. What are our options? As I am worried for her well being.
My mom was still in her 70's when my older sister started "helping" her because Mom seemed to need a little help and would not do anything about it. My older sister is now 70 and the "helping" that she started 20 years ago has become a terrible burden. My sister is asking the rest of us to take on some of the chores that she has accumulated over the years. None of us can do more. Mom has manipulated each of us to do much more caretaking than any of us can physically or financially handle. Guess what? She still stubbornly refuses to even contemplate making decisions for her own care. She wants her daughters to show up every day and do whatever needs doing without any planning.
It was our mistake to start the guesswork of providing "help" that seemed required without any key planning. We should have set that expectation to begin with that she would need to have plans and that we would see how we might help, but that the overall plan for her care would need to be hers--or that of a trained social worker who understands what resources may be available. We now need to back out of this unhealthy relationship with our 96 yo mother and it will be much more difficult and confusing for her than if we had insisted that Mom take an active role in planning for her own future in the beginning.
I WISH I had been more savvy. I WISH I had pushed them to do the things they needed to do to be able to better take care of themselves instead of me offering to do and do and do. I still have not forgiven myself for being so ignorant. This revelation is only a couple of months old so I am still coming to terms with it. I'm getting there but it's still a bitter pill to swallow.
Sometimes we have to let them suffer the consequences of their own bad decisions. Or lack of doing anything that lets them decline and decline and decline to the point where they can no longer take care of themselves.
I wish I had left the decisions to my parents who were quite able to make them. I wish I had suggested different things. Like finding out WHY their mobility was soooo poor. I wish I had pushed for knee replacements and things like that instead of doing for them what they could no longer do for themselves. So many mistakes, on my end.
OK, done whining now.
What will likely happen is she will fall and hurt herself one of these days due to her limited mobility issues. She will be hospitalized as a result; the hospitalist will release her to Rehab where she may or may not make the required 'progress' that Medicare requires in order to continue paying the rates. If she doesn't make progress and is unable to care for herself independently, Rehab will refuse to release her back to independent living and she will be required to stay in Long Term Care. You will then apply for Medicaid since she is 'poor' and go from there.
When a person refuses to take responsibility for themselves, decisions are often made FOR them that they might not find so attractive. It is what it is.
Best of luck.
You may what to call APS or Office of Aging and ask if they could do an evaluation on MIL. They maybe able to offer her services.
You can't do for someone who won't do for themselves.
Your MIL probably needs an evaluation. She could be diabetic or have a thyroid problem.
You have got to tell her that you can't help her if she doesn't help herself. I am big on if u ask me for help then u make it easy for me.